Hollywood's Superlicious Post Formula

The truth is, I had a pretty boring weekend. The common blogger solution is either not post, or give a lack-luster report of mundane proportions. But thanks to a little formula I've worked up, every day is bloggable. See how my lame weekend holds up under my increda-post formula:

Pick anything that you did this week:

I went grocery shopping this weekend.

Now Add a HUGE exaggeration:

It took me 6 hours to get my shopping done.

A white lie:

Because people kept stopping me to talk

And a blatant one:

Since I look just like Angelina Jolie.

Then throw in an outburst of some kind:

Why do all the ugly people think they have a right to talk to me! If the obese peasants would just stop cramming their faces with jelly donuts every day maybe it wouldn't repulse me to smile at them!

And a Simpson's reference for the 99% of your male readers who would discredit you otherwise:

Mmmm... jelly donuts...

A bit of self-deprecation adds likability:

It's my fault though. I really shouldn't wear make-up out of the house. I should understate my beauty so people don't mob me. But I'm forgetful like that.

Use of the thesaurus creates the illusion of intelligence:
By the time I made it home, I was positively effete.

A trite summary of the post for those who weren't paying attention:

Beautiful people have it so hard in this life.

End with some cold hard truth to keep it real:

Luckily for me, I was able to purchase some delicious bananas. It wasn't a total waste of the day.

And that's it. Weekend of the Stars! I welcome any of my fellow bloggers to follow suit. Feel free to add as many exaggerations and white/black lies as necessary to ensure that you have something interesting to write. This is your blog - not a police report. Face it, the more people you can shock in your post, the juicier it will be. Try to rise above taking pot shots at Mormons - we're such easy targets. Go for the more challenging targets of Marines and foster mothers. Good luck, but more importantly, have fun!