April 12, 2006

Loose Ends

A short list of the people in my past who I can't rid my head of and my feeble attempt at closure:

Bucky - 5 years old: You were the next door neighbor who would never go home. Everything about you irked me, especially the awkward way you talked and your refusal to be mean like I was. When your family finally decided to move and my parents threw you a farewell party, I slammed your fingers in the sliding glass door when you tried to come in for cake. I was only 5, but I'm still mortified by the memory. Mortified, but relieved you left.

Olivia L. - 4th Grade: I chased you around the classroom with boogers on my fingers. It seemed funny at the time to corner you in the art supply cabinet and poke at you while you silently cried. You been identified as a member of the "Nerd Herd" and I thought it was my solemn duty to terrorize you. But even after this, you never spoke one ill word towards me and I grew too ashamed to ask your forgiveness. Even now I can't.

Nick B. - 5th grade: The word around town was that your family was Mob and you played part of the thug well. We were blood enemies. Cruel fate put us in the same homeroom class for five years straight. In 5th grade we got into a long overdue fist fight in the hall during class and I ended up slammed against the lockers with your knuckles in my face. I let you win that fight on purpose. I'm way tougher than you and your little Mob family. I've been drinking milk.

Neil G. - 6th grade: I had no clue who you were, but in the cafeteria one day you sent your friend over to ask me to be your girlfriend. We had one glorious conversation on the phone that night and I memorized your number but the next day I developed a fear of attachment. I told my best friend to tell you that I wanted to break up. Maybe we were too hasty...

The boys in my 7th grade gym class: Okay, so I wasn't thrilled about going through puberty and couldn't quite bring myself to wear a bra. That's no reason to call me "Jello" in gym class and stand on the side of the track snickering at me. It's a small thanks to you, however, for shaming me into wearing what my mother had been trying to get me into all year. You'll be pleased to know that I'm still own and wear that first bra. And I send each of you evil voodoo vibes every time I put it on.

Josh P. - 10th Grade: I threw away your friendship to impress another boy and it's eaten at me ever since. Darn you for moving away two weeks afterwards so I was never able to make amends. And darn me for being a twit and coming to your house to tell you off because someone else told me to. I'm sorry.

Jim B.: 11th grade: You sat behind me in Spanish class whispering all kinds of terrible things about me and my religion. Granted, as a Mormon living in the Bible Belt I was accustomed to having my soul committed to hell in the hallways between classes but you had to do it when I was attempting to conjugate irregular Spanish verbs into obscure tenses. I dreaded coming to class and would dream up all kinds of hypothetical punishments for you. Until I heard about your suicide in the closet after graduation. Then I just cried.

Brian - freshman year college: What's the deal? You, a mature 24 year old ask out a unsuspecting 18 year old twice, make her think you love her then don't return any of her hundreds of calls? Two dates = soul mates. Didn't your parents teach you that? Brian? Brian? Pick up the phone! I love you!

Guy in the dark blue Honda, Sophomore year college: Man, you hit me with your car. I didn't deserve it - I was just riding my bike to class and you cruised out of a driveway and hit me. I didn't bleed - I didn't cry. Does that mean that you don't even have to get out to help me off the pavement? You turned to the woman sitting in the passenger seat and started yelling something. I sat there for a moment watching you scream then carefully picked myself up and limped away. I kept waiting for you to catch up with me and say something. Anything. How about, "Sorry for running you down like a dog on the street. Oh gee, your leg is all bruised! Would you like a ride to class?" I'm usually not big on requiring apologies but this one's a no brainer.

Vicky - My immigration lawyer boss: My happy go lucky days are over thanks to you. Being the legal secretary for a dictatorial perfectionist for 2 years has made me edgy and paranoid about every document I will ever touch for the rest of my life. There's a smudge on the signature! I'm Worthless! Granted, my life was becoming dangerously carefree, thank you so much for reminding me of what's really important. Alignment.


Adrienne said...

If you want to email Josh and clear the air, I have the email address. The wonders of the internet never cease.

Also, do tell, what did you yell at him about and which boy were you trying to impress? All I remember about early high school was that there was much... mooning, for lack of a better word, over Josh. And I think Meredith was involved. I dunno, I think I blocked out those years. Oh my GOD... That was ::counts on fingers:: 11 years ago. Okay, statute of limitations on those secrets has definitely run out. Dish, woman. Dish.

Mary B said...

sarah, I have a crush on your blog.

a-n-g-e-l-a said...

sarah, your honesty is refreshing!

Anonymous said...

Excuse me? You shattered my life. Where is my apology?

Sarah said...

eh, it only counts if it shattered mine too.

Stephanie said...

You must be the California version of me b/c I think about things like this all the time. Probably not as freaky though. Currently I keep thinking about an ex's blog (not Jared's) and how pathetic it is he's 33 now and maintains his superiority complex. Not a surprise he's single still even though he's transferred back to the Y. What's worse is I browse it at least once a month and leave comments under a pseudonym because he annoys me so much. I'm just as big a loser as him.

bethany said...

I am guessing it was her undying love Blake Harkey. Come on sarah, he was your lost love... eh?