April 17, 2006

Hollywood's Superlicious Post Formula

The truth is, I had a pretty boring weekend. The common blogger solution is either not post, or give a lack-luster report of mundane proportions. But thanks to a little formula I've worked up, every day is bloggable. See how my lame weekend holds up under my increda-post formula:

Pick anything that you did this week:
I went grocery shopping this weekend.

Now Add a HUGE exaggeration:
It took me 6 hours to get my shopping done.

A white lie:
Because people kept stopping me to talk

And a blatant one:
Since I look just like Angelina Jolie.

Then throw in an outburst of some kind:
Why do all the ugly people think they have a right to talk to me! If the obese peasants would just stop cramming their faces with jelly donuts every day maybe it wouldn't repulse me to smile at them!

And a Simpson's reference for the 99% of your male readers who would discredit you otherwise:
Mmmm... jelly donuts...

A bit of self-deprecation adds likability:
It's my fault though. I really shouldn't wear make-up out of the house. I should understate my beauty so people don't mob me. But I'm forgetful like that.

Use of the thesaurus creates the illusion of intelligence:
By the time I made it home, I was positively effete.

A trite summary of the post for those who weren't paying attention:
Beautiful people have it so hard in this life.

End with some cold hard truth to keep it real:
Luckily for me, I was able to purchase some delicious bananas. It wasn't a total waste of the day.

And that's it. Weekend of the Stars! I welcome any of my fellow bloggers to follow suit. Feel free to add as many exaggerations and white/black lies as necessary to ensure that you have something interesting to write. This is your blog - not a police report. Face it, the more people you can shock in your post, the juicier it will be. Try to rise above taking pot shots at Mormons - we're such easy targets. Go for the more challenging targets of Marines and foster mothers. Good luck, but more importantly, have fun!

5 comments:

Basic Black with Pearls said...

You poor thing, So that was your Easter? You should have been here with the Fam! Even I, the dog, had a blast, and find myself with no need whatsoever to embellish an already wonderful day with flights of fancy. Come home! Arf!

Anonymous said...

Sarah....

That post is legendary. SO Funny.

Everyone at work is LAUGHING their heads off.

TKF

Stephanie said...

Classic! Now I know what I've been doing wrong with our blog. That and I whine too much. You crack me up.

BTW, Angelina's due the day before me. Always stealing my thunder!

Silly Marie said...

HAHAHAHAHAH! (breath) HAHAHAHA!

Jenny said...

Sarah--I followed your post formula...i hope its funny

http://baby-leah.blogspot.com/2007/01/bread-is-answer.html