Before I burned the bridge, however, I agreed to meet with the property manager to go over the offer. This morning I actually switched my sweats for a skirt, brushed my mangled hair, and put on lipstick and nice shoes. By the time I arrived at the office I was already feeling like a snappy business woman again. Fortyfive minutes later I was jumping at the chance to earn some money and gave them an enthusiastic "yes" to the offer. Apparently the profit-driven fiend I used to be wasn't hiding too far below my ethereal mommy exterior. I always suspected this, but didn't expect her to reemerge as quickly and enthusiastically as she did.
That being said, the main reason this job will work for me is because it won't require me to spend any time away from Pixie. It will mostly be duties around the apartment complex and screening applicants. I don't have to give up on any mothering but get to earn some cash. What's not to love? Despite what they say in those feel good books, for me there is something so utterly validating about earning cold, hard cash. Ever since I started babysitting at age 12, I've been programed to earn, maximize profits and angle for the bigger paycheck. Two years of staying at home hasn't killed that urge. I'm excited to have that shiny breadwinner tag next to my name again. I know, I know - a paycheck has nothing to do with my self worth or value to society, but my husband and I have a joint bank account which he fills, and I empty. You can't help but feel guilty about that. No more.
The good news is I can stop all my silly little eBay auctions that I run as a feeble effort to keep money coming in. I sell the most ridiculous things, often only breaking even. My front hall closet is full of Peeps products which will only sell on Ebay in Spring. Every time I open the closet and see their sad little heap of Easter goodness, it's a gloomy reminder of my lust for cash and the ridiculous, ineffective measures I take to obtain it.
Admittedly, I feel like a scab. All the stay at home moms are rallying out there trying to convince the world that they don't need a paycheck to be valuable. I was too, but the second the Big Boss opened the gate, complimented my shoes and flashed a shiny quarter, I ran into his cold embrace. The job is really no big deal, and doesn't merit all this excitement on my part but hey, I'm easily excited. All Hail the Buck!