I have a lover and his name is Craig Newmark.
He has this great website that is the stuff of dreams. Craigslist.com. The man KNOWS me. Today I needed a cheap inflatable mattress. Two seconds later, Craig had supplied me with one. In February I needed an amp for my bass, 1/2 hour I found myself in Hollywood at a polite bass players home loading up the trunk with new equipment. He offers me items as simple as hair removal kits to as exotic as rare 10 caret diamonds. Just today I had an urge to summon snakes and Craig quickly supplied a rare voodoo object to help me not only summon them, but to make them do my bidding. Where there is a need, there is Craig. He doesn't ask why, he just supplies. Every woman's dream man.
I saw him do an interview on The View the other day. He was painfully out of place sitting next to Star Jones and Meredith What's-Her-Bucket but managed to complete an entire interview without answering any of their silly tricky chicky questions. The women kept asking him why he didn't expand Craigslist and fill the demand out there and make more money. He just said that he was happy with his income and didn't see why he needed to make the profits any greater. How can you not love a man like that? His whole philosophy seems to be "It makes me happy to make you happy."
He currently resides in a customer support role at the company and said during his interview that if you send an email to email@example.com he will personally read it and respond. I sent him a fan-letter email earlier today and am anxious to see if I get a form email back or actually a sweet word from Fabio himself.
, despite my deep affection and loyalty to Craig, please don't worry about me running off. There are a few things you offer that Craig never will be able to. Most importantly, your impressive collection of lawyer jokes (I have yet to find a steady source of these on Craigslist) and I've had an awfully hard time finding someone on Craigslist who will remind me to brush my teeth every night. As much as I love Craig, I love my real teeth better so to keep from dentures, , you can stay. Which reminds, me - I need to brush those pretty teeth of mine and get to bed. I'll sleep safe and sound knowing that Craig is out there anticipating and waiting to fill my every need with heroic fervor.
- added the next morning -
RAPTURE! At 12:46 this morning I got a response email from Craig:
Hollywood, thanks, hey, I really appreciate it, and we'll keep the faith! Craig
So there you have it. He's real, he provides, and he talks back. What a man.