July 28, 2006

A Rare Post from Spike!

Preface: when this blog was originally conceived, Hollywood and I were both going to contribute on a regular basis. After about three days, when it became painfully obvious that Hollywood was orders of magnitude more witty, funny, likable, talents, etc. in her posts, I quietly gracefully bowed out, with the understanding that I would chip in every now and again.

Hollywood and I are on a family plan with Sprint. One of the perks of the family plan is that after two years, they give you $150 to buy a new phone (with the condition that you have to re-up the contract for another two years. Which I did. Without asking my inlaws. I hope that's okay.) My date was August 1, and I have have eagerly anticipated getting a new phone for about the last two months. I even told Hollywood to calendar the date: August 1. We were going to get a baby sitter and go get new phones. I can't remember having looked forward to anything this much since the baby. (*Just as an aside, Hollywood commented to me the other day that I get more enjoyment out of material things, particularly (actually exclusively) material things that have an on-off switch) than any person she has ever known). She doesn't care one bit about getting a new phone, but is willing to humor me since I get such joy out of it). I have been wanting a Moto SLVR since the day they started advertising them. Those things are so incredibly sleek, slim and cool I could hardly stand it. But Aug. 1 was to be the day that my longing was finally fulfilled.

Alas, our grand Tuesday night date was foiled yesterday, when my cellphone "come up lame". I headed off to the Sprint Store to see if they could cut me a deal and give me a new phone a few days early.

I had previously agreed to babysit Pixie at seven o'clock, so I left work at 4:45 in order to give myself plenty of leeway to make it home by 7:00. The first Sprint store told me that they could not, in fact, cut me a deal, because they were actually a Nextel Store masquerading as a Sprint store. Seriously. But at least they told me where the closest bona fide Sprint store was: 6 miles away, in the heart of Old Town Pasadena. The true Sprint store is located on a city block that contained, I kid you not: a Verizon store, a Cingular Store, a T-Mobile Store, a Sprint store, and a cafe called Bar Cellona (a bar/restaurant which serves Spanish food). Needless to say, I thought I had died and gone to yuppie heaven. The meter at which I parked gave me three minutes of parking for every nickel I inserted. I inserted nickels until my hand went numb, and had 50 minutes of credit on the meter. More than I needed, but I thought I would play it safe. On my way into the Sprint store, I passed a hippy handing out handbills (try saying that ten times fast) who offered one to me. I accepted. It is apparently good for one free iced coffee. If anyone wants a free iced coffee, I will give it to you. The coupon, I mean. You can go get the coffee yourself.

In fact, I had not died and gone to Heaven when I arrived on the block. Yuppie heaven was actually contained entirely within the walls of the Sprint store. There is more cool gear per square inch in that place than anywhere I have ever been. Alas, I found out that Sprint does not in fact carry the Moto SLVR, or the Moto RAZR. Or the Moto RIZR. Or the Moto ROKR. (creative folks over there at motorola. They can't spell worth a dam though). Fortunately, to my great joy, they do sell a Quasi-moto, also known as a Samsung Blade. It is incredibly skinny, and oh, so black and shiny. It has a little screen on the outside that shows pictures or a clock. It has a huge color screen on the inside. It has a video camera. It lets you talk into it and transcribes what you say into an email that you can send to any else's phone or to their regular email address. It lets you watch tv, listen to music, and surf the web. It supports blue tooth. It lets me connect to the internet via usb to upload and download pictures and video. It lets me use it as a highspeed model for my laptop when I am somewhere that doesn't have regular wireless internet access. Oh, and when I type in numbers, it shows a feather carving out the number in sand. SAND!

Needless to say, it was love at first sight. I picked it out in about 10 minutes. Then I had to explain to the lady that my other phone was broken, and I needed my credit now. She said she would work it out for me, and she did in about 20 minutes. Then she told me I would need some accessories (which I did need: car charge, extra charger for my office, and a blue tooth headset). In the middle of all of this, I had to run back to my car. The hippie offered me another free iced coffee coupon, which I declined. But I did say high to him. Added another 10 nickels to the parking meter (which gave me 30 minutes).

I went back in to finish getting all my stuff. Then she explained a bunch of other stuff that is totally lost on me. Then she told me that they could transfer the numbers off my old phone onto my new phone (which is awesome, since it takes forever), and that it would only take 10 minutes. By this time, it was already 7:00. I called Hollywood and apologized profusely, but she told me it was okay. So I went back and reloaded the meter, said hi to the hippie, and went to Subway. I came back. They were still fixing my phone. I left. I came back 10 minutes later and they were still fixing it. I came back 10 minutes later. I refilled the parking meter. I had a good laugh with the hippie (he said that instead of saying "free coffee" while handing out the handbills, he started saying "free Tibet" so people would stop. I told him that line would work better in Berkely than in Yuppie Heaven, and he agreed. It seemed funnier at the time).

All told, I made it out of the Sprint store at 8:10, more than two hours after I first walked in. But alas, my new Quaismoto is quietly sitting in my breast pocket, over my heart, filling a void which I hardly knew I had until I filled it.

If you read all the way to the end of this post, congratulations. Call me up for a coupon for a free ice coffee.

8 comments:

Troy said...

Those phones are sweet. Can you really use it for wireless access anywhere? I didn't know you were such a cell phone aficianado. If Bill ever kicks you off his plan, you can come on the massive Flake family plan. That was funny about free tibet. I am in the reading room because the library is SO cold... I am writing a gay memo for legal practice. Trust me, I am not bringing my A game to a Pass/Fail Dance

Stephanie said...

I think you and my hubby are long lost brothers. I didn't know about the $150 until Kyle told me after I got my new one in April that that was he was holding out until our contract expired in Nov. He wants a spiffy one like the Quasi-Moto you got. Loved your post--you should try it more often.

a. covington said...

adam, your post was hilarious. love at first sight? quasimoto fills a void in your heart? i hope sarah's not jealous or anything. :)

Adrienne said...

Adam, I am totally with you, I too am particularly fond of things with on/off switches. If only they made children/pets/students with those...

Wicked Mother in Law said...

All that for a cell phone? You are from another planet, Pal. Another PLANet. Now give me a dog to go swimming with every morning-that's excitement. You take the dog's favorite stuffed squirrel, out of which she has chewed all the stuffing, then put your fingers in the head and paws like a puppet. Jump in the pool with the squirrel in hand (or the hand in squirrel, to be more concise) and begin mocking the dog with such squirrel-voice taunts as, "Whassamatta, Carmen (yes it's Carmen we're talking about here), are you scared of a little wet squirrel? Then you begin to swim backwards as the dog begins to bark hysterically from the side of the pool. After awhile, she hurls herself into the water in pursuit of the squirrel. You allow her to bite into what's left of the tail, grab the dog's collar, then go limp as she swims back to shore, dragging you behind. Just as she's about to get out, you reclaim the squirrel and the whole marvelous exercise begins anew.
Now THAT is something to get excited about!

Sarah said...

Mom - how do we respond to such a comment? Or do I just send the nice people with the big white truck and cozy jacket to your house?

The Murder in Law said...

Oh, and as if YOU two didn't do the same thing yourselves...the only difference was that Adam used Sarah as the Squirrel! Take a look at the proof!

Kaff said...

You guys look cute in the "proof'! Adam I don't know how you get so excited about the phone, but more power to you!! What is the phone number so I can get the free drink?? :) j/k