Warning: Not a Funny Post (But at least nobody dies in it so don't worry too much)

It's been a good week for writer's block. I've written two posts already tonight that are unsuitable for posting. I keep getting hung up on "FEEElings." Argh. I just almost posted something honest and real. It was painfully close to being a post that actually meant something to me and luckily I realized in time that this blog is not about feelings. It's about something else... I'm not sure what. Hiding myself in a public place I guess. The posts I wrote tonight are the exact quality of my undergraduate journals which I have been perusing lately. It's not pretty stuff. Imagine reading pages and pages of huffiness over lame boyfriends and being misunderstood. Then imagine plucking out all your arm hair with your teeth. They are that fun.

I realize tonight that I associate revelation of feelings with immaturity. Maybe because I was on the literary magazine board in high school and for two years after school we would sit in a room and read aloud submissions from angsty students about being misunderstood and tormented. We would mock the socks off of each and every one of them. But more likely it's because I'm still immature. I haven't ever wanted to put in the long painful hours of learning how to validate my seemingly harmful and confusing emotions that jump out from behind the bushes when I'm in Tree Pose. Whatever the case, I can't stand talking about FEEElings. What good does it do? You just drudge up all kinds of hidden issues that you are shocked to find and create from a void complex issues that would have never existed otherwise.

I spent so much of my youth being ruled by emotion that I fear I've overcompensated in adulthood by creating a thick wall of silliness (or surliness depending on the situation) to buffer its impact. Is there some correct way to deal with icky feelings that I didn't learn about in high school Health class? Am I supposed to just keep letting tempestuous emotions sucker-punch me in the kidneys or is it more sensible to develop a decoy to take the hits? Alas, this post is yet again a fearfully close to being real so I'll just give into my mood and go with it.

Ahh, rolling in hot, swirly feelings! It feels so good but I always regret it the next day. I have a little rule that I don't take down posts and I bet this post will really test that. Let's just end it here before I go say stupid things about my inner desires and how it's my time of the month. Because it is. Why else would I post this?