July 23, 2006

You Can't Handle the Truth!

Things I've tried to keep under wraps in the past but have just begun thinking aren't so totally freaky. I'm guessing everyone shares a few of these. I'm sick of carrying around little shadows so here they are in broad daylight. Does anyone have the guts to tell me they're perfect? It's another list but just bear with me. I'm feeling awfully listy lately:

I practice "witty" retorts in the bathroom mirror late at night.

Sometimes I call my toddler "frickin' frick-head" when I'm fed up with her (not a witty retort).

I imagine elaborate situations involving my own/my loved one's deaths just to exercise my lazy emotions.

I have a favorite sibling. You only have a 1 in 8 chance of guessing him/her correctly.

I suck whipped cream straight from the can.

I obsessively pick at my scalp when I'm tense.

I'm a Republican just because my parents are and keep hoping that if I ignore political issues they'll just go away (just like every good Republican should). Laissez-faire at its best!

I can never keep my eyes closed during prayers.

I don't cuss except for when I'm in the car alone. There are no rules in the car.

I check out other girl's rear ends (no, not in that way, you sicko! Just to see what I'm up against).

I categorically believe all Asians and elderly all bad drivers.

My undergrad degree in Sociology from BYU was a total joke. A piece of Romaine lettuce could have gotten that degree.

Money frequently buys me happiness.

I'm a traitor to my sex. I'm squeemish about chick flicks, manicures, talking on the phone and conversations about feelings.

I'm creeped out by men who spend more than five minutes getting dressed. Are they trying to look better than I do?


Before you go calling me a weirdo, think about what your imperfections are. Then get back to me.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

LOVELY to know that you are using the euphemism for the F word on your innocent little daughter. No, really, lovely! Could you call her something else or keep on calling her what you call her but not tell us about it? My stomach hurts!

J-Rod said...

I can't quite figure out what is so wrong with doing whipped cream straight from can (the nitrous buzz is a bonus!) that would place it on your list.

Sarah said...

to my not-so-anonymous commenter- I wasn't telling you what I call Penny when I'm at the end of my rope. I was just writing about it on my blog. I would never let my darling angel mom know that I'm anything but perfect. But I think she has her suspicions...

Brooke Jean said...

I too check out other chicks' butts. However, it is not to "check them out" or to see my competition, but rather to come to a closer understanding as to how they can look so good in pants when I on the other hand cannot! It's one of those things where you just keep looking even though you hate the sight of it. If I just look a little longer maybe I'll figure out their secret. Then again, maybe not.

Anonymous said...

hi rasand:

hey, thanks for having a favorite! i know you're just writing on your blog, and you would never let your darling angel older brother know directly that it's him--but...

i have a favorite blogging sister myself...

YAFMWIA

(yet another family member who is anonymous)

Adrienne said...

I think you've probably figured out by now that children are not always little angels sent directly from the Lap of God and if Frickin' frick head is the worst you can do... well, let's just say that one time I was three? and I drew all over pretty much all of my mother's nice work clothes with lipstick? Yeah, I don't think I remember "frick" being the word she used...

Also, if it makes you feel better, I compose my witty remarks in the shower. And I talk to myself. And I'm normal. Right? RIGHT?

Anonymous said...

i once heard, and i am sticking to it, that talking to onesself is a sign of intelligence. I for one would be happy to talk to others provided they could carry on a conversation as well as i :)

ambarwarrior said...

I also hate chick flicks. My husband loves them though. I like political thrillers.

I don't let people touch my hands or feet so I never get manicures/pedicures. (that is the only WEIRD thing about me)

I have a bad ice biting habit.

amanda said...

I am with J-rod and sarah. Sucking whipped cream straight from the can is one of my favorite bad habits. Have you ever noticed how fast the whipped cream runs out when you do that though? rip off!

also, that was an awesome picture.

and to new metro woman: you should get yourself checked for anemia. lack of iron makes you crave ice. i found that out the hard way during my first pregnancy.

angela said...

Even though I chastise my darling hubby for doing it, I have been known to drink the orange juice right out of the carton.

And, even when I am completely swamped with work, I manage to find time to check out the Hollywood Flakes--even if I tell my colleagues that I will need some undisrupted time to focus on a project!

ambarwarrior said...

Thanks Amanda. I am pregnant so that is probably why.

This is a funny blog! Enjoy reading it! Love the pictures.