August 9, 2006

You're Probably from L.A. If...

You met your significant other on craigslist's missed connections

You've heard of the L.A. Clippers

You own anything with rhinestones on it

You actually did get your tan at the beach this summer

Your car won't start unless your cell phone is on

You've eaten sushi

You like sushi

You know a dude who gets pedicures

The rent on your apartment is more than the GNP of a small South American country

You've memorized the Disneyland parade schedule

The only kind of stars you've ever seen wear Gucci

You can't remember what your natural hair color is

You know the difference between the 1, the 101 the 110 and the 10 freeways and you drive on each of them just to get to work in the morning.

You get woken up by obnoxious wild parrots at 6 a.m. every day

You've paid $20 for a hamburger

Arnold Schwarzenegger leaves peppy automated messages on your voice mail once a month telling you how hard he's working to make "Cahlifoonia fantahstic!"

The moms at your local park wear stilletos in the sandbox

You're terrified to leave your house when it rains

The thought of going to Mann's Chinese Theatre one more time makes you nauseous

Not only do you own a gym membership, you actually use it

You've worked out the math so that paying two times your monthly income on a car payment is a financially sound idea

Your idea of embracing different cultures is giving Princess Jasmine a hug at Disneyland

You paid over $100 for your sunglasses

You own a two piece jogging suit which you've never worn jogging

You've never been to Compton

You wear a hat, sunglasses and baggy shirt on the street hoping to be confused with a celebrity

You've been confused with a celebrity

You've memorized the location of each and every In-N-Out in the state but couldn't find a church to save your soul.

Your waiter last night has been taking acting classes for over five years but somehow couldn't remember how to act like having to serve you didn't give him gastrointestinal cramps

You have a psychological defect making it impossible to own the same car for more than 6 months

You've denied going to Fredericks of Hollywood

You know where Paris Hilton was last night

Your cell phone is lighter than your fingernail clippings

You're a closet Angeles fan

You've hit and run

You don't know and don't care where Northern California is

You haven't actually said "Los Angeles" since you've got here.

If this sounds like you but you don't live in L.A., you should consider relocating. We would actually like you here! Long Live L.A.!


Angela said...

One problem--only REPUBLICANS (and maybe 'Decline to State') get calls from the Governator (I am only assuming because we haven't gotten such calls). And, in contrast to Idaho where Dems are an endangered species, California Republicans are the minority!

Soooo, I would have to add to your list that..."You are probably from LA if you don't think of "Liberal" as a dirty word/insult." :)

Anonymous said...

you're making me glad that I moved out when I did. it was all funny but painful to read.

angela #2 said...

fun post, especially since i'm a native. for the record, though, l.a. is the most religiously diverse city in the world and there's practically a different kind of church on every corner. regarding culture, give us more credit! hugging princess jasmine at disneyland? sounds more like a tourist's idea of embracing culture.

Sarah said...

I hate to have to quash a good rumor that's going around, but I did write this post myself. I know it's hard to believe since it's not at all mushy or twisted. Trust me, if I ever use non-original material, I'll let you know!

Basic Black with Pearls said...

Oooh, you're so cooool. So LAAAAAAAy! Arf!

Rrramone said...

Allright already, I don't want to die by shark. Thanks for your kind words about my blog and for the link. I am blushing.

This post cracked me up! I love LA and this is all so true.

If we keep talking like this you can move me from people you pretend to know to people you ACTUALLY know. ;-)