September 12, 2006

Things I Really Should Have Known by Now


How to fold a fitted sheet

That there is value in watching traumatic historical movies like Schindler's List and Flight 93

How to style my hair

Left from Right

That my happiness is directly related to how much sleep I got the night before

Not to eat half a pizza in one sitting

I will go blind if I leave my contacts in for 2 month stretches

How to make bread from scratch

Not to wake my husband up from a nap under any circumstances

The difference between doing the right thing and wanting to do the right thing

Yelling at my kid doesn't make her stop yelling

My family members' birthdays

Check pockets for pens, crayons and chapstick BEFORE putting clothes in the washer

When I buy a plant, I sentence it to instant death

My credit card and my bank account live on the same planet

How to pronounce "aspartame"

More makeup doesn't equal more beauty

Yes, my butt does look fat in those pants

Deodorant doesn't work on the 2nd day

Telemarketers are people too

Never to pause channel surfing on Jerry Springer - no matter how cool the dwarfs look

People actually read this blog so I have to be careful what I write

12 comments:

claiborne said...

ooh...is there a story behind that last line?

By the way, I couldn't fold a fitted sheet if my life depended upon it. :)

Molly said...

In case you don't read day-old comments- Hoorah on the twice gravid state. And hoorah for all those synonyms.

kaff said...

And you wouldn't leave me in charge of your plants when you went home for Christmas, thinking that I would kill them... Neil is still alive!!

Suzie Petunia said...

There is no good reason to ever fold a fitted sheet. It is just going to get stretched out over a mattress... it is just a matter of time, my friend. So here's what I do: gather it at the top and roll it around and around (Think: Do as I'm Doing motions)until it is in a tight little bungle. No folding required. And it is fun!

Anonymous said...

On fitted sheets - I nest the four corners and proceed from there. It's easier to demonstrate than to verbalize. My husband taught me; a missionary companion taught him!

And congrats on baby #2! Take care for both of you. Mary A.

Foxy said...

Suzie's right- fold it the long way into quarters and then roll it like a football ref gesturing a false start call.

And then there's the Martha Stewart method that really does nothing more than make us all feel inadequate.

Sarah said...

Okay - I just tried to follow Mahvelous Ma'tha's instructions for sheet folding and about had an mental collapse. Who is that lady and what does she want from us?

I like the roll-it-like-a-football idea. It's slightly more elegant than my stuff-it-in-a-small-dark-space technique that I'm currently using.

Alas, Claiborne, there are scores of stories behind that last line but I'm hoping the people that I've offended will just stop reading the blog since I can't change my style and honestly dont' want to offend them anymore. It's always surprising to me what rubs people the wrong way - I guess I'm a callused beast.

trent's ball and chain said...

i eHat Jerry Springer, no matter how cool the dwarfs are. your post cracked me up!

domestically challenged said...

agh, i cannot fold a fitted sheet and martha's method is ridiculous. i think i need a video demonstration or maybe some one-on-one tutoring.

Adrienne said...

Dude... people fold sheets? I just wad everything up (or sort of fold it, whatever) and shove it in one of the pillow cases. Who cares if it's wrinkled?? It's a friggin' sheet!

Never change who you are and what you post. I think you're terribly awesome.

A Payne said...

Don't edit yourself, it's your blog, if people care, they should get their own. Am I right or am I right?

There's a quote from Dr. Seuss that goes something like...
"Be who you are and say what you will, because those who care don't matter and those who matter don't care."

Rug's Bug said...

I have a cousin who is a professional organizer (no lie) and has produced a DVD on how to fold a fitted sheet. I still can't figure it out.

My method? One set of sheets for every bed. Wash and replace in the very same day.