November 18, 2006

Caution: Pregnant Woman Ahead

I stopped pretending to be the happy pregnant lady today and everyone who crossed my path paid the price. A few days ago I starting having pretty regular contractions and I haven't been able to sleep at night because of them. I'm generally starting to feel crummy with this pregnancy and was dedicated to cooping myself up in the apartment today to ride it out until I was rested. But that's not how things go around here.

I had people knocking on my door all day and it wasn't until I'd said a few really stupid things to the innocents that I realized I was unfit to interact in polite society today. Same with the phone. An old friend of Spike's called to talk and I just kept barking "okay, so what do you want?" to cut through the small talk and get off the phone. It's days like today that I wish we just lived in the middle of nowhere so I could have an off-day without poisoning everyone around me. But we don't. So the door and phone are just going to go unanswered until this carnivorous mood abates.

Pregnancy stinks. I'm at the phase where people are starting to look smugly at my belly and I can't stand it. "Oh, look at the cute fat lady!" Right. How cute. Why don't you come over and rub my gut so I can bite your hand off. With all the progress we've made in our civilization, we really went wrong in bringing pregnant women out in the open. They used to just sequester us for our entire pregnancy so we'd be spared having to pretend our emotions and waistlines weren't out of control. But now we're expected to just be a functioning part of society for the entire nine months and wear ridiculous spandex maternity clothes with a big chubby smile. I'm ticked. I want my wigwam on the edge of the village with vicious dogs protecting the door until this whole thing is over. Right now.


Lisa M. said...

Where have I been. I am not sure I even knew you were pregnant.

(I am an idiot though, and can't remember details about people)

I think that pregnant women should have the right to do and say and feel just how they want and others shouldn't be offended.


Warm, very warm wishes.

Karen said...

hey sarah,
it's karen of the nor cal region here. hey girlfriend you are speaking my mind today. i'm about 13 weeks along with #4 and i tell ya, i just look fat, not pregnant, just fat. people in this area already think i'm crazy for having 3 and they like to tell me so. lets here it for angry pregnant ladies!!!

rainbowbritendb said...

Sarah thanks for raising awareness of what a stupid idea pregnacy is. There's got to be an easier way!

And I couldn't agree more about how ridiculous it is that everyone expects you to "be a functioning part of society for the entire nine months". If I ever have another baby I really am going into a cave the whole time. (A cave with books and girl movies.)

melind said...

i dont understand. i was so glowingly happy my whole pregnancy. a walking miracle, i was. (well, i couldnt actually walk, i guess)and my belly said to everyone "hey, i can take on more than i am currently doing, that's why i'm having another baby!"

Karen said...

and lets "HEAR" it for pregnant women who can't spell!!! honestly sarah your brother would have corrected me in about 1.5 seconds, you're very kind.

Janell said...

This post cracked me up. I can always depend on the good ol' Hollywood Flakes blog to cheer me up with a bit of humor and a good dose of reality =)