Christmas Name Draw for Gifts/Presents

Christmas is upon us. Hopefully I'm not the only one who hasn't bought a darn thing yet. My family does a name draw so you are only "supposed" to buy a present for one of the eleven family members thus sparing yourself any excessive expense. But there are always the overachievers in the group who go ahead and do something wildly generous. A few years ago my little sister knitted everyone extra long scarves that she served on Christmas morning out of a basket like chubby puppies. My Dad buys piles and piles of presents every year and on Christmas Eve he needs a helper for at least an hour to get them all wrapped for the gang. And then there is my oldest sister, Allison, who always gives a homemade present to everyone in addition to homemade wrapping paper.

I've never been in the overachiever category and usually sit quietly in the corner on Christmas kicking myself for being so uncreative and stingy with my gift. I let myself be lulled into a false sense of security with this whole name drawing charade we go through every year. Things were so much easier when we were kids and everyone just did something for everyone. We would open up the toy box, find the little knick-nacks that had fallen to the bottom and wrap them up in tin foil to present to our other siblings on Christmas day. Or even better, we'd go through our closets and find the clothes that we'd stolen from each other and give them back wrapped in pillow cases.

Of course, none of us really cares what we get, but there is always the one who first runs out of presents to open first and sits watching the "popular" sibling open presents for the next hour. Each one of us Benacs remembers the Christmas(s) that we were that person. There is just no way to keep the proportion of gifts equal in such a large group. I remember the Christmas it was me. I was barely 16 and had just gotten a used car with no CD player. I had been dropping hints that all I wanted was a CD player for my car for Christmas. Christmas morning came and I eagerly scanned the pile under the tree for my big promising box. I found a few smaller ones from my mom - a few CD's she had burned for me, some homemade magnets and a couple of pretty barrettes. But there was no "main" present. After I had dug around and determined there were no more presents with my name on them, I sat sullenly by the tree watching everyone else open their dream presents with a ever deepening scowl. I knew I was being a baby, but couldn't hide my disappointment.

Finally my mom asked me what was wrong. Didn't I like my presents? I motioned to the useless CDs she'd burned me and said they wouldn't be much good without a CD player. She look confused. "But didn't you get one?" "No." After a second of thought, she ran out to the garage and brought back a brand new CD player for my car apologizing for forgetting to wrap it. Of course, I was glad to see it, but ashamed at the same time that I had let the mere presence of this present dictate my mood on this otherwise beautiful Christmas morning. I felt terrible for being a crank and terrible for feeling better at the appearance of the present. At 16 I should have known better.

I know they say Christmas isn't about the presents. I find it very misguiding then to dedicate the first half of the day on Christmas indulging in just that. I don't want to sound like a grinch, but I would be much happier this year if everyone just wrote Christmas letters to read on Christmas morning. Big long loving letters about all the wonderful things about each other. You know, since it's not about the presents and everything. But could I could get away with it? I doubt my little brother, Johnny would appreciate my new-age spin on our Christmas tradition just when I've drawn his name for the year. Or maybe I'll just break out the tin foil and give everyone used cosmetics. Which would they appreciate more?