You may have noticed the National Blog Posting Month picture over there in my sidebar. This means I've committed to posting something for you to read every day of the month of November along with hundreds of other bloggers. If you have subscribed to the feed of this blog, this is your chance to unsubscribe rather than receive daily drivel as I can't guarantee the content of my posts. Usually if I write something for the blog and it stinks, I just don't post it and wait for another day to bring a better idea. But not this month. Anything goes in November. Check out the new poll in the sidebar to give some suggestions as to content!
But enough with the disclaimer.
We got home late from trick or treating last night. I was sitting in our dark bedroom using the computer to catch up on email when I felt a presence beside me. I turned and saw an ugly old bald man grinning at me from less than two feet away. I screamed shrilly, and smacked him. My darling husband ripped off his mask and laughed hysterically while I tried to restart my heart.
But what if it hadn't been my husband? What if a crazy madman had entered my apartment to do me some evil deed? All I could muster in self defense is a slap? I always tell myself that I would be tough if attacked but instances like last night prove I would simply melt into fear. A slap wouldn't deter any villain. I've listened to all the seminars and watched the videos. I'm supposed to go for the groin, neck or eyes. I know this. Yet in the split second it takes to realize I'm in danger all I can think is GAHHHHHH! and pansy slap them on the cheek.
I hate being scared by people. It strips everything from my awareness except fear and leaves me totally subject to an attacker's will. Whenever I find myself the victim of these kind of pranks I always feel weak, stupid and mad at myself for being such a wuss. Which is why it is so satisfying to scare people. You instantly pop the bubble of security that they take for granted and get into their very core. It's empowering for the attacker to have such instant crippling results.
So how do I toughen up? Do I tell my husband to continue scaring me until I develop the appropriate defense reflex? But I doubt he wants me practicing a crisp elbow to his groin. My friend Shannon swears by a 3 day intensive course in Northern California to learn self-defense but I doubt I'll ever sign up for that either since it takes so much time and money. I bought mace last year but stopped carrying it after my toddler kept finding it in my purse and chewing on it. So I'm just stuck with being a slapper? Unacceptable. Any suggestions, my friends? Or is fear an impossible reflex to overcome?