The Opposite of Yes

In undergrad I went on a date with a guy who almost immediately repulsed me. He called up for another date a week later and I made up an excuse about being busy. Soon thereafter he called to ask me to a formal dance.

"Maybe," I said.
"What do you mean?"
"Maybe," I repeated carefully, stalling for time while trying to think of a polite way to get out of the conversation without telling him that he was a slimy creep.
"Can you or can't you?" he asked, confused.
"I might be busy that night..."
"Just say yes or no!" he said, sounding a little disgusted.
"Well...I'm not sure..."
"Yes or No!?"
"I don't think so..."

He hung up on me and I never heard from him again.

I can't say no. I simply can't. Try me - perhaps I'll give some weak unenthusiastic response, maybe even a painful grimace and squirm, but I rarely return the word 'no' to friends' or family's requests. My most terrible can't-say-no experiences were in dating and boy, things got ugly.

Obvious Disclaimer - I say no all the time to my toddler. But this doesn't count since she seems to think it means yes.

Favorite tactics for avoiding a "no" situation include:

Saying yes
Pretending I didn't hear the person
The "I'll call you back" line
Changing the subject
"You're cutting out"
"...Maybe..."
Lighting myself on fire

I was dating a really sweet guy named Shad when I met my husband. But Spike and I experienced the elusive "love at first sight" and I instantly forgot Shad existed. I did'nt return any of Shad's calls and avoided him on campus. A few weeks later Spike and I were sitting on the couch on my front porch (don't you love college living?) when Shad walked up. I was snuggled firmly under Spike's arm and giggling. "Hi, Hollywood," Shad said politely, pretending not to notice my entire left side was superglued to Spike's. "Would you like to play tennis with me this weekend?" "Maybe..." I replied, feeling 1 inch tall as I did. Of course, that was the end of Shad. I feel terrible about it to this day but the alternative was to be honest with him which I was in no way emotionally mature enough to do. It's a good thing I got married because I was a disaster in the dating pool.

These days my 'no' dilemmas are more subtle. Do I want to take on a new important job in my church organization? "Well...if you think it's the right thing..."

Do I want to vote Republican? "It's better than voting Democrat..."

Do I want to wear skirts to church every Sunday "If women didn't suffer so much, we'd be no better than men."

There are lots of creative ways of saying no. I just thought I'd run out of them years ago. Some call me 'diplomatic' others say I'm evasive and rude. I prefer to agree with the former but have a feeling the others are on to something.