November 10, 2006

Who will be...The Biggest Schmoozer!

I've been watching The Biggest Loser this season because my cousin, Heather is on it representing the state of Utah and hasn't been kicked off yet (and I like seeing people suffer). There are few more depressing things for a pregnant woman to do than sit around at night and watch other people lose weight, but I've found a way to turn these icky lemons into sweet lemonade.

And so I present to you,

The Hollywood Flakes
Biggest Schmoozer Competition!

Have you ever talked your way out of an impossible situation? Fluttered your eyelashes until your oil change was magically free? Sweet talked your honey into massaging your leprous, stinky feet for an hour? Then we need you to play! Just leave a comment explaining why you are The Biggest Schmoozer and fame and glory could be yours!

You can participate anonymously if you choose but please don't propose anyone other than yourself as The Biggest Schmoozer no matter how many times your boyfriend convinced you to pay the bill at that steak house. Please try and keep your submission as concise as possible.

Next Thursday, November 16th a winner will be chosen randomly from all the participants (just how they do it on NBC) to be The Biggest Schmoozer. The winner will be highlighted at the top of my sidebar on my blog for a couple of weeks with their preferred name, website (if you have one), and your winning entry. I'll also send the winner: 1) The item of your choice from the Hollywood Flakes store; & 2) A nice little html award that you can put on your website if you want to forever immortalize your schmoozing skills.

Although I'm not in the running, I'll kick it off with my own submission:

I got pulled over by the campus police (those geeky looking cops on bikes) for biking in a "no bike" zone. I screeched to a stop inches from them and threw my bike down at their feet. Before they could say anything I loudly complained that I needed to use the bathroom really really bad and would come right back! I ran into the nearest building, watched them for a minute then came sauntering back outside looking all relieved and happy. I asked them what my fine was but wasn't surprised when they just gave me an embarrassed warning.

Okay - so maybe that's not schmoozing - just bald faced lying. You guys can do better. Let's hear it!


Sarah said...

Okay - so I'm just talking to myself here. I get it. Let's move on to Saturday's post.

A Payne said...

Randomly picked? Randomly picked?!

I took a creative writing class in highschool. My sister had the same teacher a few years earlier. He loved her and thought she was so talented. So in order to do well in the class, I would wear my sisters old clothes to remind the teacher of his beloved pupil.

Even so, Peter Picks his Nose might get picked over me for "walked bosses dog", because this is random contest.

bethany said...

I win. I do this all the time. This last week I got my cable bill free (a hundred dollar bill because we had issues for a few days), but one of my most lucrative is that I went to get some repair work done on my car, what i thought would be a fifty dollar fix when it turned out that everything that could go wrong with my car did and the bill was closer to six hundred dollars. I talked to my service manager and just kept sighing claiming that i hadnt budgeted for this and that i am in charge of all financial things and i hadnt discussed this expense with my husband and how dissapointed he would be in me. I asked the service guy at the dealership if there were any coupons on the internet i should go look up, or ones that were perhaps sent to homes in the area, and by the time i was done, my service manager knocked my roughly six hundred dollar bill down to just about two hundred dollars and he sent me skipping on my way with every free thing in the book. hurray!! BENACS RULE!

Anonymous said...

When I was in highschool I was very sleep deprived, and I would consistently sleep through all of my classes. One day my anatomy teacher asked me to stay after class. He expressed great concern about my sleeping habit, and suggested that I might have narcolepsy. This sounded great to me! I told all of my teachers that I had narcolepsy, but that I would do my best to stay awake. And of course, they all let me sleep peacefully in their classes ever after!

s'mee said...

I was driving to work in my son's 70 cherried out monte carlo with the newly installed cd player blasting -BLASTING!-. I noticed the red light in the rear view and immediately let off the gas, also noting that the speedometer was rapidly decending past 80, meaning I was going well past 80 when the cop clocked me. I found the nearest corner, made a right and came to a stop, music still booming. I turned the music down just in time for the cop to reach the window.

"Mornin' ma'am. Do you have any idea how fast you were going?"
"Well, when I let off the gas I noticed the dial going past 80 (smiling truthfully and looking right into his eyes)"

"Yes, well you were going about 90. Do you know what the speed limit is on that highway?"
"I assume it wasn't 90! (slight giggle) Actually I thought it was 55, officer."
"Well in matter of fact it's 35 ma'am."
"I'm a dead woman."

"Where are you headed so fast?"
"Well I am on my way to work and I was listening to my new c.d. and I guess I got carried away, but to be honest, without the cd I still probably would have been going 55 because it's a highway, and well, I thought that was a normal speed."

"Where do you work?" (now he asked this because this particular town is out in the flippin' boonies, on the edge of the earth, left of nowhere...i.e. NO BUSINESSES TO SPEAK OF.)
"I am an interpretor for the deaf at the local jr. high, I have one student sir."

"Do me a favour, turn off the cd player while you drive through town so you don't become one of your students and slow it down from now on."

And with that I drove away, no ticket, no written warning, not even a verbal repremand...except about loud music.

Th. said...


I have no ability to shmooze. None. Whatsoever. Alas. I lose.

Kristine said...

I waited until today to rack my brain for my moments of shmoozola to return to my concious brain waves.

I have to concur with th. I have not even one tiny bit of shmoozing within me.

J-Rod said...

I got a free burrito at Taco Bell once because I complained about the lack of sour cream. Note that they didn't refund my money, but provided a second burrito, including sour cream, gratis.

Mary B said...

I have never paid a late payment fee on my credit card because I always call and ask them to take it off. I give various reasons for missing payments: I was in Florida, I am getting ready for a wedding, lots to keep track of, I moved and the statements can't find me, and sometimes just the call alone with no good excuse will be enough for a nice customer service agent to take off the $35 fine.

But I think that even if Katie and Allie don't leave comments here, one of them should win your biggest shmoozer prize. They never pay full price for anything.

Brooke Jean said...

One defining moment comes to mind. It was in 8th grade at Roy Jr. High and I was in my Spanish Class. I had a balding man for a teacher, Mr. Wheeler. Anyway, about every two or three months he would give us new seating arrangements and he would always sit me and my friend VERY far apart and he ended up sitting me next to a kid that was ... more than annoying. So I started writing Mr. Wheeler notes every day asking him to move me (since he had told us at the beginning of the year that if we had an issue that is how we should approach it).

He FINALLY moved me for ONE whole day. Well about two days after I was back in my dreaded seat accross the room from my friend sitting next to the most annoying person in the world - who we will call Ryan to protect his identity due to the incidents I am about to explain - when Ryan took a bunch of my pictures. So I asked him to give them to me a few times until he started taunting me and in a moment of complete thoughtlessness I pushed his head into the wall behind him and took my pictures. It wouldn't have been as bad as it sounds except that there was a brick ledge going around the room at the exact height that his head was. Anyway, Mr. Wheeler came directly over and asked what was going on. Well, poor Ryan who had just gotten his head pushed into a brick ledge was laying his head in his arms and wouldn't look up because he was crying so the teacher asked me to go into the hall. I was scared to death because I knew I had just done something that was going to get me into a lot of trouble. The teacher asked me what was going on and I proceeded to tell him that I had asked to be moved for several weeks and that he refused to listen to my pleas (of course I am doing this with tears rolling down my cheeks) and that if anyone should get in trouble it should be him because it was his fault. I also think I said something about how it runs in my genes to not be able to handle long amounts of torment. Anyway, the teacher let me go back into class and he went into class and sent Ryan to "In School Suspension" and told me he would make sure I had a different seat the next day. I didn't even get a slap on the hand - although I know I deserved it. From that moment on every time I asked the teacher to move me, I got to pick my new seat in the class. Hmmm ... tears can be a magical thing.

Yer loving mudder said...

Okay, here's one: I was on my way home from dropping Nubsy Wubsy off at kindergarten, and I was attired in my multicolor flannel plaid PJ bottoms and a fetching green silk PJ top. Really attractive, but who would see me? I was only going around the corner...

When the policeman turned his lights on and pulled me over for exceeding 20 in the school zone, I was appropriately mortified, and assuming the requiste humility of expression, I faced him. "This is my worst nightmare," I wailed, "I always feared I might get pulled over one of those times I went out in my PJ's, and now it's happened. Honestly, my PJ's don't even match each other!" Then I may have added some reference to the fact that I had dropped off my 9th child, creating the final touches to some endearing housewifely tale. The young officer laughed and said his wife had the same fear, and he let me off with a warning.

Was I lying? Not a bit. Schmoozing? Like a pro.

Oh, and remember that night we were on our way to Texoma and got pulled over and our sheer charm and adorableness got us off? Never give up.

Sarah said...

I just remembered a good one! It was the end of the sememster (why are all my good stories from college?) and a lot of students had already left for the summer. My university offered a Dining Card that had $10 a day on it for food but you were not allowed to use anyone else's card. They usually didn't check i.d.s though so my best friend gave me her card to use after she had left for home.

I ordered a pizza from campus and when I went to pick it up, the pizza guy asked me what my social security number was to verify my identification. I freaked out, got all red and almost started crying because I was so embarassed. Then I just told him in a really quivering voice that I didn't remember because "I had always had a really hard time with numbers." He ate it up, felt terrible for putting me in such an uncomfortable situation, and sent me on my way with the pizza.

Again - more of a lying story than schmoozing, but it was a darn good pizza! And I know, I'm a terrible, awful person.

s'mee - 90 in a 35? You're a genius!

Th. and Kristine - I refuse to believe you've never gotten anything you didn't deserve. Keep thinking!

Doug said...

I'm no expert schmoozer, but I'm pretty sure that your competition deadline of Nov. 19 doesn't fall on a Thursday as you indicated, but rather on a Sunday. That is of course assuming you're talking about Nov. 19 of this year. However if you're referring Nov. 19, 2009 (the next time 11/19 does fall on a Thursday) then I promise I will do more between now and then to schmooze my way into this competition.

Sarah said...

That Doug is one sharp cookie! Dates fixed and head hung in shame. Contest ends on Thursday, Nov. 16th!

Anonymous said...

All right, I've thought of two small incidents....

One is happened recently when we went without phone service for 4 days, had it fixed for 2, and then, because of a technician's error (leaving the phone box open in the rain) went without for 5 more days. I called the phone company customer service line, and gave my sob story of being without a phone for almost 10 days out of the month, having to use a cell phone with VERY EXPENSIVE pre-paid minutes, and having 6 children that could possibly have an emergency of some sort at ANY time, and we needed IMMEDIATE service! While they couldn't get the technician out here that day, the customer service girl gave me credit for a FULL MONTH of phone service. I was definitely a much happier camper after that schmoozing phone call.

There have also be various complaints that have resulted in free food, but...I DID IT, Sarah!! I thought of a time I schmoozed. Woo hoo!

Anonymous said...

The other incident involved schmoozing free perfume samples from the lady at Dillards because it was my (now DH's) boyfriend's favorite scent, and I was a poor college student who had no extra spending cash. I actually walked out of there feeling a little bit bad...because I "got something" with no intention of actually buying anything.

amanda said...

ok. I guess I'll give it a shot. But mine is about a police story too, and it is going to be hard to beat the "90 in a 35" story or the one about mumsy in her mismatched PJs. I liked that one because I drive to the bus stop in the same kind of attire quite often and always grab whatever pair of shoes is closest to the door since we are always one minute away from missing the bus. I have been known to wear sweats with high heeled penny loafers, and I always think I would die if anyone ever knew what I was really wearing in the semi-privacy of my car.

OK. so here's my official submission. When I was about 22 or so, Cannon and I were living in Arizona for the summer. We went on a little roadtrip, and Cannon got sleepy, so he pulled over and we switched drivers. I didn't have my driver's license with me, but I wasn't too worried, because in my 6 years of driving I had never been pulled over, so I had gotten pretty lazy about carrying proper documentation. I was driving on a one lane highway, and I was just following a long string of traffic, so I figured I was safe even though I was speeding a little. Then all of a sudden the police lights came on. shoot. I pulled over and started going through the glove box trying to find any kind of identification or documentation but all I could come up with was an insurance card that had expired the week before. I KNEW that we had just received a new one in the mail. WHY hadn't I put it in the car right away? Anyway, the cop came up and watched me fumble around for a whole bunch of documents that I knew that I didn't have, and he brought it to my attention that I was breaking all kinds of laws and deserved tickets for 1) not having a driver's license or picture ID with me--that was a misdemeanor and he could book me in the county jail for that. 2) not having an updated insurance card 3) driving with registration tags that had expired at the end of last month--did I know that he could impound my car right then and there?

Anyway, I assured him that I had never been pulled over and asked him to please pull my record up on his computer. He asked my name, and when I said, "Amanda Flake," he said, "Oh, are you related to the Flake families up in Snowflake?" I said, "Oh yeah. That's where I'm heading right now." (kind of a white lie since we were going to see MY family in Snowflake and we are only related the the Snowflake Flake families about 4 or 5 generations back.) Then he said, "Wow, they sure are good people. I've been friends with a lot of them over the years. I'll tell you what. I'll just give you a warning this time and a small fine for failing to conserve fuel($24) and we'll call it good. But you'd better promise that you'll get your car registered and that your husband will drive until you get your license in the car." "Sure, officer, sure."

OK. So I didn't get off scot-free, but I was plenty happy since I have been with actual drivers when they have had their cars impounded and other such unhappy endings.

Silly Marie said...

HAHAHA. Amanda, I've never heard that story. That's GREAT!

I have been pulled over 2 times for speeding. Both on the same road in the same truck. Once I received a ticket. That time I tried to joke my way out of it and it did NOT work. I am not a shmoozer. I lack all shmooze.

Once I got off scot free. However, I think I only got off because it was Christmas Eve. That time I didn't have my driver's liscence or proper registration. I told him I was on my way home for our Christmas Eve dinner and he told me to slow down and get the right documents. Thank Heavens for the Christmas Spirit!!!!! I would have been dead meat. (I think I was going 70 in a 35. But it was a back road in the middle of nowhere!!)

I can't think of one time I got out of trouble by shmoozing my way out. I stink at this game.

AngelaM said...

I had a little crush on my International Politics professor--he was totally nerdy and wore horrible ties but he knew sooo much about world issues! The class was fairly large so other than sitting in the front row, it was hard to stand out. After a particularly exhilarating lecture, I went into his office to "ask some questions". We got into a good discussion about the US's policy on Cuba and I even borrowed his book he suggested I read.

This wasn't really to get OUT of trouble so much as it was to serve as a pre-emptive strike. If the professor already knows you and thinks you are interested in the class, the hope is that he or she will cut you some slack if you run into a problem during the semester.

And I thought he was cute.

Schmoozing didn't make his tests any easier, though!!