Spin Doctor

It's been two years now since I morphed into a mother and finally became my own boss. It's not that I've had universally bad employers, but the idea of having to kowtow to someone else always got under my skin. Maybe if they had a nicer name for the position like "suggester" it wouldn't have been so repulsive to be employed. Maybe. But the point is, I'm the big boss-man now and I'm finding the view from the top quite enlightening.

After years and years of seeing old bosses twist reality so that all the blame lies anywhere but their laps, I've learned a few tricks. There's nothing this mama can't spin to appease the doubtful masses.

If I let my kid watch t.v. all day it's because I'm relaxed.

Those days when I can't let her take one step without me clutching her hand it's because I'm doting.

When I spend an entire day ignoring her to clean my apartment I cite my industrious nature.

On days when I don't lift a finger to maintain my place I'm putting family first.

If I stopped having kids after my first, it would be because I'm globally responsible.

If I decided to have as many as humanly possible I'd be selfless.

When I decide to homeschool my kids I'll be intimately concerned about their present.

When it all goes to pot and I send them packing to boarding school it will be because I'm concerned about their future.

When I burn dinner I'm an experimental.

When I give Pixie cough medicine at the beginning of 3 hour flight when she hasn't coughed in a month it's because I'm preventative.

When she runs around in her undies all day I gloat about my practicality.

On days when I blog about my kid more than I actually see her I'm a communicator.


Try me. I've thought of everything.