So Not Stepford
I read the novel The Stepford Wives a few years ago and it ranks up there as one of the most disturbing books I've ever had the pleasure to hold. My poor husband had to listen to my ranting for days before I got over my indignation of a man actually preferring to be married to a bimbo robot (even if he was only a fictional character) than a flawed human woman.
(For those of you who haven't read the book, it's about a town where the men take over and turn all their wives into perfect, beautiful robots who cook, clean and compliment endlessly.)
Finally, I thought I'd gotten it out of my system. But tonight I saw the movie on t.v. and with sick curiosity I watched it to relive the horror. Although the producers threw on a feel-good ending to make it palatable for Hollywood, the premise remained the same. After the movie was over I wasn't sure how to feel. On the one hand I wanted to burn all the dresses in my house. On the other hand, I felt a strange urge to bake something spectacular for my husband. So I leave this blog up to you. I have a lot of questions that need answers. Help me out here.
1. Which of your partner's faults are you happy to keep around for your entire relationship? Which definitely need to go?
2. Why does having imperfections make us better people? Or do they? Don't we always hear that trying to improve makes us better people?
3. Who would say no to having their partner undergo an overhaul and spiff up a few of their characteristics to make them more charming, more considerate and more industrious?
4. Which of your personal imperfections do you want to keep? Why?
5. At what point do you decide a fault needs to be changed? Conversely, when can you just sit back and relish a weaknesses you have?
6. Why do many of us constantly feel the need to improve? Where does the pressure come from? When is it healthy and when is it unhealthy?
A few of these have me stumped. What do my all-wise readers think?
(For those of you who haven't read the book, it's about a town where the men take over and turn all their wives into perfect, beautiful robots who cook, clean and compliment endlessly.)
Finally, I thought I'd gotten it out of my system. But tonight I saw the movie on t.v. and with sick curiosity I watched it to relive the horror. Although the producers threw on a feel-good ending to make it palatable for Hollywood, the premise remained the same. After the movie was over I wasn't sure how to feel. On the one hand I wanted to burn all the dresses in my house. On the other hand, I felt a strange urge to bake something spectacular for my husband. So I leave this blog up to you. I have a lot of questions that need answers. Help me out here.
1. Which of your partner's faults are you happy to keep around for your entire relationship? Which definitely need to go?
2. Why does having imperfections make us better people? Or do they? Don't we always hear that trying to improve makes us better people?
3. Who would say no to having their partner undergo an overhaul and spiff up a few of their characteristics to make them more charming, more considerate and more industrious?
4. Which of your personal imperfections do you want to keep? Why?
5. At what point do you decide a fault needs to be changed? Conversely, when can you just sit back and relish a weaknesses you have?
6. Why do many of us constantly feel the need to improve? Where does the pressure come from? When is it healthy and when is it unhealthy?
A few of these have me stumped. What do my all-wise readers think?
Comments
Allowing Jim the same amount of time to relax and unwind as I have during the day gives me great satisfaction.
After 13 years of marriage, annoying habits become something that is just a part of the person you love. Some things like the inability to coordinate an outfit or "see" that the kitchen is only half clean only make me shrug or giggle. I am painfully aware of my imperfections and fortunately, Jim has NEVER been the nagging type. He just likes to make me happy! As demonstrated by this comment--vanity is indeed one of my faults. Did I mention I am never wrong about anything?
You do manage to have an unorthodoxly wonderful marriage - I'll have to check you for wires next time I'm in town...
I must say that both Theric and I were very disturbed after watching the first movie. Neither of us could understand why someone would want to turn their wife into a mindless beautiful robot--your relationship would stop developing, you couldn't ever carry on a intelligent conversation and it would just get so boring after a while.
Sorry I didn't answer your questions. Go find and watch the original movie now.
Well, during a therapy session with Matt Damon and Robin Williams, Williams' character tells him about the things he remembers most about his wife who had died just 2 years before. It was great. He said that more than anything he remembered the dumb stuff, the annoying things that any normal person would think they couldn't put up with. One of them was that she farted any time she got nervous and while she was asleep. And infact had woken herself up one night by farting and he didn't have the heart to tell her it was her. But those were the things he remembered and cherished. The person we allow ourselves to be around no one else, but that one person who knows us better than anyone and loves us just the same for it.
After seeing that I think I had a new appreciation for all the little habits I have come to witness over the past few years with Alan and I don't think I would change even one.
For his part, he hates that I throw my towel on the bed after I'm done with the shower. Why can't I just hang the towel up when I'm done with it?
But we don't do, these things to annoy our spouse--they are just habits that we've gotten into that are difficult to change. And, frankly, we've gotten to the point where I mostly just clean up the sink, and he mostly just hangs up my towel. It's easier that way.
But if it's this difficult to make the other person do something simple, it's monumentally hard to make them do something big. So usually, you're pretty much stuck with what you've got. It's a good argument for taking a good hard look at who you marry before you take the leap.
2. If we didn't have imperfections, people couldn't live with us. Who wants to be around a smarty pants all the time???
3.Is that a What Not to Wear camera crew I see?
4. Oh heck, my cankles and period teeth have got to stay. If I didn't have them there wouldn't a thing wrong with me! ;-)
5. When I finally smother him with a pillow one night for snoring that one last snore, he'll know it's time to get that deviated septum fixed! Oh I can relish all my weaknesses, on the other hand.
6. Need to improve? Nah. Healthy when it's someone else, unhealthy when I'm invovled personally.
I may not be wise, but I sure ain't schtoopid neither!
That was fun Sarah!
Don't sweat the small stuff.
I remember that all the small stuff ate away in my mind until they turned into huge, unsurmountable obstacles in my first try. A wonderful LDS therapist helped me to understand that marraige isn't fairy tale happy *most* of the time. It's the smallest portion that is sublime that we need to hold onto in our minds- and let the rest of it just fly away.
Hence, I am so much happier this time around and we both look the other way when one of us does something that is annoying :))
I will never be mistaken for a Stepford Wife- that is for sure!
Slainte~
Rachelle
To be honest, this topic hits a little too close to home for me to be able to answer your questions at this time.
A good book on this subject is Dr. Laura's _Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands_. I read it after about 10 people told me that it totally helped their marriage. Even women who had been married 30 years or so said it vastly improved their relationship to start treating their husband like a super hero instead of a loser that they had settled for and were now stuck with. The book is a little extreme, but I think the principles in it are worth thinking about.