March 9, 2007

Fat Chicks Have More Fun

For the rest of you pregnant women out there suffering, I've discovered a little diversion to help get through the final days.

Jumping.

It freaks people out.

People keep asking me when I'm due. Any day now, I respond. It's true, my due date isn't for three weeks but my other baby came two weeks early and I wouldn't be surprised if this one did as well.

"I can't wait for it to come," I'll say while rubbing my belly in agony. Then I start jumping up and down while commanding "Get! Out! Get! Out!" and their faces go white.

I was conducting a cleaning inspection today with a tenant who is moving out. We had just finished the inspection and were chatting amiably in her empty front room. She asked about my due date and I gave a few heavy leaps of enthusiasm. "I just cleaned the floor!" screamed my friend in horror. I calmly assured her my water breaking in her empty apartment wouldn't be added to her cleaning fee.

I'm pretty sure you have to be 9 months pregnant to appreciate the humor here. But trust me, it's there.

13 comments:

Amy said...

LOL! Another fun trick is to respond to the "You're getting bigger!" comment with "So are you!"

Toni said...

Too much! When I was pregnant with the first one, I jumped up and down on my due date, thinking it would help- nope, he was 5 days late. It did freak people out though! What can I say, I was STOOPID!

tracy m said...

I hear ya, sister!! Agh! I mean Sarah! ;)

Nothin worse than 8 1/2 months... of course, all my babies came then, so I don't know what 9 actual months feels like. It was a tender mercy.

Neurotic Mom said...

When people asked when i was due, i'd get this insulted look on my face and yell 'what? i'm not pregnant' and stomp away. The look on their face was priceless and hubby almost wet himself a few times laughing too hard. yeah i'm evil

Lisa M. said...

I so get it.

Lindsay said...

I'll have to be sure to try this come July. Thanks for the tip. ;)

AzĂșcar said...

*giggle*snort*

I wish I had something funny to say, but the truth is, I've just been too annoyed by every carbon based life form to cross my path to think of humor.

Katherine Shirek Doughtie said...

My favorite moment was pushing my way to the front of the line for a big movie opening and asking to be seated before everyone else. I rubbed my belly, implying that if I didn't sit down right that MOMENT, my water would break all over their nice lobby. I was immediately ushered in and promptly saved nine seats for all my friends.

Kelly said...

For the file titled "What no one tells you":

The difference between having one kid and two is not arithmetic but exponential.

This from a woman with two kids who is not that good with math, but gets some of the concepts, especially since I have done the laundry to prove it.

Bex said...

I wish I could see you do this. It sounds HILARIOUS. I hope your baby gets here soon. I want to know if it's a girl or a boy!!

lilyofthevalley said...

it is also fun to walk down the wrong side of the hallway.

Melissa said...

I think i'll take up this practice (being just as pregnant as you are right now!!). Sounds like fun.

Stephanie said...

I can't wait to try that--I never knew what to say when people would comment on how big my belly was. "Gee, thanks for inadvertently comparing me to a whale?"