March 21, 2007

The Sin of Donuts

Gluttony is overrated. Can anyone explain to me why it merits a spot in the coveted Seven Deadly Sins? Sure, you get a stomach ache if you eat too many fudgcicles but a sin? I don't think so.

We went to dinner last night at a tiny pizza joint. Sadly, our meal was not enough to satisfy us beasties so we left looking for another restaurant to fill the void in our bellies. My toddler suggested donuts. Spike had a coupon for "buy 1/2 dozen, get 1/2 dozen free" at Winchell's. "But we only need three.." I weakly suggested. Luckily for Spike, with our coupon fourteen donuts only cost $3.50 which was only a dollar more than buying three.

Fourteen donuts it was. An amused clerk stood behind the counter dispensing donuts as quickly as we could point them out. Pixie was in heaven as every donut she spotted was quickly scooped up and put in a box. Cinnamon rolls, fritters, ├ęclairs, old fashioned, cream filled, maple bars, you name it, we got it.

No one else was in the place and we sat down with our sweet treats. The clerk watched as we opened the box and stared at all the choices. I picked up a chocolate glazed, cream filled ├ęclair and took a bite. The clerk propped herself up on her elbow three feet away and watched with a grin. I was halfway through the donut and she was still staring at us fixedly. I felt obligated to make small talk. My face smeared with chocolate, I turned to the grinning clerk and attempted idle banter. I asked her in part English/part Spanish how many donuts she'd ever seen anyone eat in one sitting. She assured me that there was a man who came in every morning who ate two dozen donuts all by himself. That made me feel a little better and I didn't feel so bad as I picked up a second donut.

The clerk was rooting for us and brought us free milk to help the donuts go down easier. She stood there, three feet from us the entire time watching our gastronomic feat of overindulgence. After everything with a cream filled center was eaten, we called it a night. I apologized to the clerk for the mess of chocolate flakes, sprinkles and custard that ringed our table. "Don't worry about it! Make sure to come back when you have your baby," she called out. I'll give you free donuts!" I promised I would.

I will not disclose exactly how many donuts we ate last night, but rest assured it was a fantastically disgusting amount. I was expecting to have some kind of donut hangover this morning but found instead that I headed straight to the donut box to have a fritter for breakfast. So much for consequences. Dante would undoubtedly condemn me to Hell for our late night indulgence. I would simply smile and hand him a lemon filled glazie. There are so many better vices that could replace Gluttony. How about Bad Breath or Cell Phone Usage in Movie Theaters? But donuts? I don't think so.

16 comments:

Melissa said...

I would have to agree - donut consumption is not a sin... deadly, maybe, but a sin, no.

The Wiz said...

The concept of "seven deadly sins" is totally made up anyway. They're not in scripture anywhere grouped together like that.

I love doughnuts. I want doughnuts. I would have happily eaten them with you and had some again at breakfast.

frittereater said...

Did you know that a Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut has just 200 calories? Isn't that how many extra calories you are supposed to be eating while pregnant? Maybe it was 2000 extra which would completely justify your binge. Adam, on the other hand, has no excuse!

Jamie J said...

Yeah, donut gluttony is not a sin. I would be resigned to hell already if it was. I love donuts. my favorites are the chocolate frosted eclairs, well anything with chocolate.

Janell said...

Less than 14 donuts in one sitting is not gluttony. That's indulgence.

Ever watch a "professional, athlete eatter"? That's gluttony.

Sarah said...

My favorite eating event of all time is in the movie "Cool Hand Luke" where Paul Newman eats 50 boiled eggs in an hour. I know it's just a movie, but the man inspires me. I couldn't stop thinking about him last night and how he'd eat us into the ground.

That reminds me - one of these days I need to write apost about all the men who get a million times sexier with age.

Marie said...

During my winter blues this year I started treating myself to a cake doughnut once a week on my lunch break. Three months later it's 2-3 times a week, and it's never just one anymore. And this from the chocolate snob who has always insisted that doughnuts are a lesser dessert, beneath her notice.

So I'd submit that doughnut eating might qualify as a sin if it's a sin to succumb to mind-altering substances.

glittersmama said...

Oh how I love me some donuts. Those cheap cardboard and wax chocolate donuts from the gas station put my last 10 pounds on at the end of my pregnancy. I say bring it on. How could something that makes you feel so good be bad?

chronicler said...

I find myself in good company. Dante and I will have the lemon glazie!

chronicler said...

I find myself in good company. Dante and I will have the lemon glazie!

Kerri said...

I just made 2 dozen cupcakes and am ashamed to admit how many are left after only 2 days. Sometimes it is good to have a 2 year old to blame things on!

Kerri said...

oh yeah, it is good to know that you haven't gone into labor yet. If we are lucky, you will NEVER go into labor, and we can continue to enjoy your posts without any unnecessary interruptions!

Torchness said...

Once in middle school, before I discovered that food actually made you fat (don't you miss those days?) I walked to Mustang Doughnuts with a friend after a sleepover and I had 7 doughnuts in one sitting.

I'm happy I have that memory.

Jenny said...

MMM...Donuts. I never cease to feel guilty at consuming more than two in one sitting, but then I never cease to do it, either.

Okay, you mentioned men that get sexier with age, and I know that is not the subject here, but please, for my behalf, when you do write that post, don't leave off Harrison Ford, George Clooney, or Richard Gere, K?

clyde said...

Arriba, George C., arriba! Please, also put in your list the handsome George Peppard (the love interest of Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's) and why not Cary Grant, too!

clyde said...

Sorry! You were talking about donuts for our tummies, right? But I just can't help it... these gentlemen are real sweet for the eyes. :)