The Sin of Donuts

Gluttony is overrated. Can anyone explain to me why it merits a spot in the coveted Seven Deadly Sins? Sure, you get a stomach ache if you eat too many fudgcicles but a sin? I don't think so.

We went to dinner last night at a tiny pizza joint. Sadly, our meal was not enough to satisfy us beasties so we left looking for another restaurant to fill the void in our bellies. My toddler suggested donuts. Spike had a coupon for "buy 1/2 dozen, get 1/2 dozen free" at Winchell's. "But we only need three.." I weakly suggested. Luckily for Spike, with our coupon fourteen donuts only cost $3.50 which was only a dollar more than buying three.

Fourteen donuts it was. An amused clerk stood behind the counter dispensing donuts as quickly as we could point them out. Pixie was in heaven as every donut she spotted was quickly scooped up and put in a box. Cinnamon rolls, fritters, éclairs, old fashioned, cream filled, maple bars, you name it, we got it.

No one else was in the place and we sat down with our sweet treats. The clerk watched as we opened the box and stared at all the choices. I picked up a chocolate glazed, cream filled éclair and took a bite. The clerk propped herself up on her elbow three feet away and watched with a grin. I was halfway through the donut and she was still staring at us fixedly. I felt obligated to make small talk. My face smeared with chocolate, I turned to the grinning clerk and attempted idle banter. I asked her in part English/part Spanish how many donuts she'd ever seen anyone eat in one sitting. She assured me that there was a man who came in every morning who ate two dozen donuts all by himself. That made me feel a little better and I didn't feel so bad as I picked up a second donut.

The clerk was rooting for us and brought us free milk to help the donuts go down easier. She stood there, three feet from us the entire time watching our gastronomic feat of overindulgence. After everything with a cream filled center was eaten, we called it a night. I apologized to the clerk for the mess of chocolate flakes, sprinkles and custard that ringed our table. "Don't worry about it! Make sure to come back when you have your baby," she called out. I'll give you free donuts!" I promised I would.

I will not disclose exactly how many donuts we ate last night, but rest assured it was a fantastically disgusting amount. I was expecting to have some kind of donut hangover this morning but found instead that I headed straight to the donut box to have a fritter for breakfast. So much for consequences. Dante would undoubtedly condemn me to Hell for our late night indulgence. I would simply smile and hand him a lemon filled glazie. There are so many better vices that could replace Gluttony. How about Bad Breath or Cell Phone Usage in Movie Theaters? But donuts? I don't think so.