April 20, 2007

It's not funny, and yet...

I dreamed I was pan-frying my newborn last night. She was mildly annoyed as I flipped her with a fork and I even more so because she refused to cook.

I've lactated through my entire wardrobe in three days.

Two of my biggest emotional crutches abandoned me on Wednesday. My mother returned home and Sanjaya was voted off American Idol. Who do I have left?

My toddler seems to love her new little sister but shows signs of emotional trauma. She no longer allows her favorite stuffed animal in her crib and throws him away in disgust when I try and reconcile them.

My brother in law, a pharmaceutical representative, is eagerly anticipating my onset of post-partum depression so I can go on his featured anti-depressant drug, Lexapro. Sorry, Cannon, I'm not shaking babies yet.

I got food poisoning and was unable to stand up straight for 24 hours.

I'm hopelessly off balance after going from being bottom-heavy to top-heavy in under 4 days and find myself veering into walls.

My gigantic baby is too big for the $40 worth of Newborn size diapers I bought her but on principle I'm making her wear them anyway and have to change her soggy bum every hour.

My toddler grimly insists on nursing the baby.


These wild post-partum hormones are making me laugh anyway.

25 comments:

Chanel said...

you so craaazy!

Amy said...

Once when my mom was nursing a baby, one of my siblings said, "I know! Kool-aid comes out of one side, and chicken noodle soup comes out of the other!" Now that I've tried nursing, I can appreciate that the human body produces white milk instead of red or blue kool-aid--can you imagine the wardrobe crisis then? But I also grimace at the thought of lactating chunky chicken soup (although, if it's Campbell's those chunks are few and far between, not to mention tiny).

Melissa said...

lol - if you ever decide to "pan fry" your baby in real life... then call the brother in law ;)

Colleen said...

So THAT'S why I kept running into things after I had Elijah! You just solved a perplexing and probably very obvious mystery for me.

Of course you already know it gets better!

AzĂșcar said...

I did the same thing with Proximo...

You WILL wear these diapers you massive child!

glittersmama said...

I tried to stuff my newborn into those "N" sized diapers. One gigantic blowout that spanned three feet convinced me to go ahead and move up in size. I also got sick of trying to get poo stains out of every outfit she wore. Ah!

Dana said...

Love those hormones!

The diaper thing could be worse. My son was 7lb 9oz but his legs were so skinny that everytime he wet his diaper it went straight down his leg!

Jenny said...

You mean you liked Sanjaya? You're right, those hormones are really messing with you...

Sarah said...

What's not to love? He's a total riot. I was ticked at first about the whole "vote for the worst" phenom, but after reading their website, I became a believer. Who's left to love now on AI?

Toni said...

That's so cute!

Rachelle Black said...

So glad to hear someone else rave about their giant newborns. I luckily took one newborn,one 0-3 months, and one 6 month sized outfits to the hospital for my first.
He laughed at the newborn size, pooped out the sides of his too tight newborn diaper all over the 0-3, and fit like a glove in the 6 month.
*sigh* those were the days, my friend.

Let not those raging hormones your heart trouble.... hm.... that Gyn said that shot they gave me in the hospital would last 2 weeks.... and yet, here I am, sweaty and crying- methinks not!!
Slainte~
Rachelle

wynne said...

Sorry about the mom leaving. (Ah, Sultan, your slaves are deserting! Better keep a chain on Adam just to be safe.)

And, whee, hormones are so fun. My personal favorite was waking at two a.m.--not from the baby--but because I had released a deluge of sweat all over the bed and had to mop it up...could the body be any weirder?

And big newborns--that means they'll sleep better! Right? Please?

(Good luck, Penny!)

Glo said...

I just adore the serious look on her face. She should be focused on some "Breastmilk is seriously important" ad campaign!

pflower10 said...

I remember crying as I was getting ready to leave the hospital with all three of my babies because I had to leave the nurses behind and I was sure I didn't know how to take care of a newborn.

Love the pic, very classic!

acte gratuit said...

That's great. Can't wait for my turn! :)

(I remember only to well the feeling of being marinated in milk. Good luck with that.)

Lisa M. said...

I am so glad, that you were just dreaming. *chuckle*

Kerri said...

I actually got tired of changing clothes so often so I just would get used to the smelly leaked milk and spit-up combo on my shirts everyday. Arthur would come home, and say "oh you smell like a mother!". I was never sure if that was a compliment or not...

That picture of Penny lifting her shirt is priceless.

I hope the food poisoning wasn't from my dinner!

Sarah said...

Good news on the food poisoning - we tracked the source and it was entirely self-inflicted. Yet another reason we are so grateful to have all these friends bringing us meals these days! No worries, Kerri - your lasagana was divine :)

Clyde said...

Too much talking of food. Milk, lasagna, pan-fried baby... Delicious menu!!!

PS I'll like medium red, please. :)

pflower10 said...

I'm really quite disturbed at your pan frying newborn dream...everyone knows that they turn out much better if you roast them. Just something to think about.

Wendy said...

heehee...my three-year-old niece saw me nursing my baby once, and after we explained to her that milk comes out of my boobs, she promptly pulled her shirt down and tried to suck milk from her own.

Rachel said...

I love the picture. Welcome Charlotte Flake!

Annie said...

Hope you don't dent the walls when you fall into them. I dented my walls while moving furniture. It ruined my whole day.

CACKEL said...

By the way Sarah, you can exchange those diapers at any store if they are in unopened packages. Once I had two packages of newborn diapers in the car, ready to exchange, and good old hubby ran out to the car to get a diaper from the diaper bag. He couldn't find one, so he ripped open one of the packages of way too small diapers. Oh well, I donated the package to a teenager who had just had a baby.

BTW, the chunky chicken soup thing really grossed me out. I'll take milk anyday.

Gretchen said...

Sarah you made me laught out loud.