April 2, 2007

Welcome Lovey!

It's official, Lovey Belinda made her appearance on the family stage last night at 10:07 p.m. After 28 hours of labor with my first child, I wasn't prepared for a mere three hours and was happily surprised when the little gal came after only one uncommitted push. She's a flat seven pounds, dark red hair and no extra appendages.

The whole experience was incredible. The midwives played all my favorite Barenaked Ladies songs on the stereo the entire night and one of them made it her personal Everest to make sure that my feet were being rubbed with warm oil the entire time. Thanks to my self hypnosis program, I can honestly say I felt NO pain. I was able to get up and walk to the recovery room only fifteen minutes after giving birth.

Spike was, as expected, an enormous help. He insisted on being totally involved in the delivery. The midwives sensed his competence and let him guide the baby out, cut the cord and administer the newborn tests. It was a perfect opportunity for him since it was what the doctors call a "bloodless birth" meaning the only thing that came out was a baby and none of that other unpleastant stuff. This was also fortunate for Lovey since she was born wearing an impeccable Gymboree outfit consisting of a delightful eyelet lace gown and cashmere booties. The tags were even still on the clothes in case I want to exchange them (which I don't).

Because of Lovey and my robust health, we were promptly discharged this afternoon and sent home with a year's supply of diapers. One returning home I was thrilled to find that I fit again into all of my pre-pregnancy clothes with room to spare and my belly button had shrunk back to it's happy pea sized state of bliss. The women from my church had come over while we were out and filled the fridge with delicious salads and roasts but my favorite find was the prime beef dinner that waited, still steaming on the stovetop.

Lovey is amazing. She seems to be slightly ahead of other children her age and is already speaking in complete sentences. This morning she sweetly asked that I not nurse her as she knew it would cause me too much physical hardship. I protested but in the end, her promise to be satisfied on Crystal Lite alone for the next six months won me over. But perhaps her best quality is that she insists on changing her own diapers. It's not easy for her as her tiny body is still so weak, but I watched with amazement as she not only changed her diaper, but proceeded to spray air freshener to remove any traces of the act. What a delightful child!

Are you still falling for this load?

I'm so still pregnant. Two days overdue. I have no clue who that kid in the picture is but she looks nice enough. This is the post I would have written today in my alternate universe where everything rocks. I like it there.

42 comments:

Janell said...

I was too paniced over all the names that children would taunt "Lovey" with to notice the joke until sometime after the gymboree clothes comment -_-;

Jill said...

Hahahahahhahhahahaha! You made me and Gavin both laugh out loud long and hard over here.

Jamie J said...

That's hilarious! I was pretty surprised to read the name "Lovey Belinda". That's a great one...Hope the little baby comes soon!

Lisa M. said...

You are such a bozark.

Sarah said...

I had to look that one up, Lisa. According to Urbandictionary.com a "bozark" is "one who is really stupid and irrational." I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that trends have changed and being stupid and irrational is cool in 2007.

Janell, Lovey is actually one of my family names that I have been trying to convince Adam to use for one of our children. He's not a bozark though and refuses to hear my pleas. As much as I love the name, I know it will never make it to one of our children so I thought at least my fantasy child should have it for this post!

Julie P said...

Ok. That was good.

citymama1 said...

You had me going up until the Crystal Lite. I am so gullible!

compulsive writer said...

You! I was really starting to hate you. And I so don't want to hate you. Of course I do hope you have effortless labor and a quick delivery. It can happen.

(Never to me. But it can happen to anyone else!)

Samantha said...

I'm reeeeeaaally gullible about this sort of thing, so for a good half of this blog I believed you, and was like, holy crap, how can things be so good? I'm not sure when I realized the truth...She'll come eventually! I'm sure! But maybe, for the sake of us pregnant ladies, you should still sugar coat the experience a little bit.

Clyde said...

Image this: It’s 3:30 AM, lights off, I sneak to the computer and read your post. Trying very hard not to yell “her baby’s here!” and wake everyone up with the freshly, happy news… then, while devouring all the great detail about the labor and delivery and wrapping up Lovey’s cute Easter dress… you broke my heart. Yes you, cheater.

While reading I was thinking you told everyone you liked Allison/Alice. What happened to the fine name choice?. My conclusion was Adam must have had something to do with the name change - maybe an ex-girlfriend, etc.

Anyway, you almost gave us a heart attack and most definitely made us wet our pants! :)

P.S. While still laughing I'm sending you love from TX... I hope you have twins now!

sue-donym said...

Sigh of relief. I was begining to hate you and I have never even met you.
Best wishes for a speedy delivery!

Colleen said...

One of my favorite things about you is that you have no problem with outraging your readers. :) Great post. I was a little horrified at the name "Lovey," so I was pretty happy when I got to the part about the Gymboree outfit and realized you were just teasing us all again. That kid sure dodged a bullet!

Shiloh said...

I hate you. ;p

AzĂșcar said...

Serves everybody right *haha*

Adam said...

So after I read this post, Sarah came in the room all excited and said, "How long did it take you to figure out that it was a joke?" And I just smiled and thought, "How long is it going to take her to figure out what a dumb thing she just said?" The answer is about 2 seconds, but I have been living it up for a good twelve hours, now.

Suzie Petunia said...

And to think I was feeling so happy and relieved for you!! YOU ARE SO MEAN! May you be forced to endure 30 excruciating hours of labor and 6 hours of pushing!!!

The Wiz said...

It was the warm oil and the "bloodless birth" that made me go hmmm....

Cute random baby, though!

I figured Lovey was a blogging pseudonym at first.

Sarah said...

Adam, you are cruel beyond words to report on that little tidbit. It's true, I AM a bozark.

drainey said...

Sarah, that baby in the picture is too cute. I hope you get one just like it and SOOON. Overdue = no fun.

Hang in there and watch lots of movies. Lovey is on HIS way.

Mrs. M said...

I bought it until the mention of the Gymboree outfit, although I was confused about the bloodless birth. So sorry. And really glad that you didn't name her Lovey. No offense to any Loveys out there.

M&M said...

Thanks for the laugh! One of the funniest posts I have read. I will admit I am a skimmer, so I saw the end before I read the whole thing. Then I devoured each tidbit with a smile on my face. :-) Good luck with the birth. Can't wait to hear the "real" story.

Inexperienced Dad said...

So, now that you've tricked us, don't be surprised if we don't believe you when it really happens... :)

Shannon said...

Sarah Flake, you brat!! I had promptly announced to all my coworkers that my friend finally had her baby, blah blah blah, and was even willing to overlook the name... and then I got to the cute belly button and prime beef and started to scratch my chin...
Oh, I love you, girl!

Kerri said...

You totally had me! Brilliant post!

Michelle said...

All I kept thinking was wow she is a dedicated blogger! She had the baby last night and is alreay blogging about it today... funny stuff though.

Good luck with everything.

Basic Black with Pearls said...

I'll have you know that you have a very distinguished ancestress from the Virginia colony named Lovey Hosea Smith. Not really such a crazy name choice. You could always call her Hosea if you worried bout Lovey.

You she-devil, you

Heather O. said...

And here I was, about to give you the Blogger of the Year award because you took a laptop to the hospital.

Yeah, you're a bozark. A very funny one, though.

Jenny said...

You had me going until the "Lovey Belinda Flake" part.

Janell said...

Use Lovey as a middle name then =) Then she can have scads of fun playing the "guess my middle name" game ;)

amyjane said...

I've been lurking on your site for awhile--what a funny post! Although, I doubted it's veracity from the beginning. "What?!?! She had a baby at 10:30 and is already posting on her blog? No freaking way." Your fake birth experience sounds lovely. May the real one go as well. Almost.
I went a week overdue with my first and started praying nightly for high blood pressure so I could force my dr to induce me. I seriously cried in his office when he told me that I would have to wait until 41 weeks.

Heffalump said...

Okay...all I can think of is Mr. Howell on Gilligan's Island calling his wife Lovey all the time. I hope your baby comes out with Mrs. Howell's voice and accent.

Silly Marie said...

That was good. Real good. I wasn't expecting an April Fools joke on the 2nd. If you hold out until Saturday (heaven forbid!) your baby will have the best birthday ever. MINE! =)

chronicler said...

At least you haven't lost your ability to pull a fast one! Hahahaha! That's good.

Adrienne said...

Sarah, rule number 1: Do not name your child anything that would look funny with "Dr." in front of it. This includes "Tiffani," "Harmoni" and the like (sorry, any Tiffanies or Harmonies reading.)

Rule number 2: Do not name your child anything that has an embarrassing or childish nickname. Like Draino. Thanks.

tisha said...

I had to check your blog today, thinking the absence of a post was the biggest indication that you had had the baby- was very thrown off by the pic and name and that you had supposedly already posted postbaby! I have to admit I was sucked in until my eyes diverted to the joke at the end...you poor thing, there is nothing worse than being overdue!

Bek said...

Sarah, I didn't believe you for a second.... well, one second.

When you said your favorite Barenaked Ladies songs, I hope you meant the Gordon album, b/c it is the best one....

Sending good baby vibes (I guess you don't want to hear about how with my last baby I had NO pain, NO pushing and not even one little stretch mark.....?)....

Clyde said...

Let’s not label your behavior as “stupid” or “irrational.” Perhaps instead it’s the all-too-common syndrome of hormones gone crazy?

After all, pregnancy is one of the few periods in life during which you’re allowed to go "loca" and is of course the only justification that could be attributed to your deliberate exploitation of our hopes for baby news in your blog. Next time you get to go completely insane will be when Penelope starts dating! :)

And yes we want more of "your (baby) load"

Toni said...

You are so bad! That's what i like about you! I was falling for the birth part, not the rest of that bliss!

chronicler said...

This is the universe getting back the two weeks from the birth of Penny. There needs to be balance and the universe is making you pay. Big time. I look forward to the birth announcement in about a week and a half. ;-)

emma jo said...

a cruel trick indeed...but I liked the part about the Gymboree outfit.

Kerri said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kerri said...

oh and by the way, that baby looks a lot like Dylan...

http://bp2.blogger.com/_Q_g3fMZT22c/RbWIhfKKsZI/AAAAAAAAACQ/8GyeeWY-4WQ/s1600-h/IMG_0268.JPG