June 5, 2007

Shake Up the Summer

Getting tired of the same old Fourth of July celebration? Here are a few tantalizing alternatives for the month of July:

July 5th: Running of the Nudes, Pamplona, Spain

All you need is a set of fake bull horns and a love for rats. PETA has done it again! In efforts to replace the traditional Running of the Bulls, animal lovers convene days before the race to run willy nilly through the cobbled streets of Pamplona. But we spectators are left asking ourselves which is the greater evil, chasing harried bulls down alleyways or subjecting the world to naked, hairy legged activists at high noon. Personally, I'd rather treat myself to a good goring.


July 6-8 Wife-Carrying World Championships, Sonkajarvi, Finland.

In the 1800's, the brigand Finn leader, Rosvo-Ronkainen only accepted troops who proved their worth physically. It being common practice to steal women from neighboring villages, the art of wife-carrying was born. The Championship began in 1992 and since then, the Estonians have demonstrated global dominance in the art. The Finns rightly take this as an insult to their national pride and vow to reclaim the title. In 2007, 41 couples from around the world showed up to race over 250 meters of obstacles and fling their women across the finish line. The winner receives his woman's weight in beer. Lucky her.


July 7: Redneck Games, East Dublin, Georgia

Originally called the Bubba-Olympics, this event was created in 1995 to make fun of the 1996 Atlanta Olympics. With such events as Redneck Horseshoe (played with toilet seats), Bobbing for Pigs' Feet, the Armpit Serenade, Hubcap Hurl, MudPitt Belly Flop and the Butt Crack Competition, you're guaranteed to leave a little dumber than you came (from the looks of the participants, this is actually much harder than it sounds). The winner receives a crushed Bud Light can to love and cherish forever.


July 18-23 12th Annual Telluride Nothing Festival, Telluride, Colorado

In 1992, a Telluride resident, disgusted at how many festivals were going in the town, sent a tounge-in-cheek letter to the city, requesting a "non-festival" permit. Surprisingly, he actually got one. The Nothing Festival is a glorious day full of doing nothing at all. The schedule of events include:
Sunrises and Sunsets as normal
Gravity will continue to be in effect
The earth’s rotation will be increased to add a few thrills.
The laws of physics will be on display
Sense of humor search

July 29: Fiesta of the Near-Death Experience, Las Neves, Spain

Saw the the light at the end of the tunnel and lived to tell about it? Grab your coffin and hop on a plane to Spain to rub shoulders with your un-dead cohorts. You'll need a few friends or family on hand to carry you in your coffin around the church while the attendees swap St. Peter stories. The Patron Saint of Death, Santa Marta, will attend in effigy and leads the coffin parade around the church and to a nearby cemetery. You may not have died before, but by the end of this peppy fiesta you'll wish you had.


Mark your calenders!

10 comments:

Melissa said...

I have to admit, the Redneck Games do look inviting... too bad Georgia is so far away... maybe next year!

Heffalump said...

I never realized how boring my summers have been up until now.

Colleen said...

And I'm leaning towards to Nothing Festival. Sounds like my kind of fun!

s'mee said...

I want to go with Colleen to the Nothing Festival...except that I am currently at one today...

send me a postcard, or not. : )

Janell said...

Do the wives train for this as well? Do they go on diets or they bulk up? Do they negotiate what percentage of the beer winnings they work?

Jamie J said...

Wow, there are so many things I've been missing out on!

Mrs. M said...

Huh.

Michemily said...

And I thought river rafting was fun.

Susan M said...

The Nothing Festival reminds me of this:

http://qsysue.tagplazen.org/images/13-indolence.gif

That's my kind of do.

AzĂșcar said...

I'm proud that the home country is representin TWICE on that list.

Holla!

The first festival cracks me up the most, however, because the Spanish are as far away from PETA as possible.