The Twinkie Defense

Walk with me...

I've been an anti-Twinkies advocate my whole life. The mere sight of the oily yellow cake clinging desperately to the inside of it's cellophane wrapper was enough to ruin my appetite for hours. I was sure there could be no worse junk food and that my guts would instantly turn into liquefied sewage one ever touched my lips.

I was wrong. Allow me to shed some light on this often misunderstood snack.

On April 6, 1930, at a Hostess' Schiller Park, IL bakery, Jimmy Dewar was trying to find an alternate use for the lady-fingers pans that filled the shelves. Strawberry lady fingers were a seasonal specialty and the pans went unused most of the year so Dewar thought up a cheap, enticing treat for the off season. A little sponge cake batter, a little filling and the Twinkie was born.

It was the height of the Depression and Dewar sold the baked goods for 5 cents in packs of two. An ad campaign for Twinkle Toe Shoes caught Dewar's attention and he named the paired cakes after them. The inexpensive, feel-good treat took over Chicago and today Hostess produces over 500 million Twinkies a year from the Shiller Park, IL plant. That's 1,000 Twinkies a minute. Chicago is still the #1 Twinkie eatingest city in the United States and The New York Times designated Chicago the "Twinkie Capital of the World." It's hard to disagree with Jimmy Dewar when he said, "Twinkies was the best darn-tootin' idea I ever had." Dewar ate two Twinkies a day for his entire life. When he died in 1985, he bragged to family and friends that he was a chain smoker and enjoyed at least three Twinkies with a glass of milk before bedtime.

The basic ingredients for Twinkies have remained essentially the same since their inception. However, the original Twinkies had a banana creme filling rather than vanilla. During World War II, the U.S. experienced a banana shortage and rather than raising the price for Twinkies, Hostess opted to keep the price low and substitute vanilla filling. But in June 2007, Hostess reintroduced the banana version to supermarket shelves. Sales for Twinkies went up 20%. Amanda Reid, a litigation consultant in midtown Manhattan bit into the revival version and pronounced it "banana-y." "You can still taste the original Twinkie flavor underneath it," she said. "It almost makes it seem like it's a little bit healthier than a regular Twinkie." It may be indeed. Welcome back, banana!

The humble Twinkie weighs in at 43g, packs 150 calories and 5 grams of fat. Lou Browning from Shelbeyville, Indiana, has eaten over 21,500 Twinkies in his lifetime. He is not obese, rather a tear-jerking testament to the worship of Twinkies. Despite their rather innocuous content, Twinkies have been vilified in the junk food world and all manner of rumors about their physical properties perpetuated. Perhaps you've heard about their long shelf life? You may be surprised to find out that a Twinkie's shelf life is officially 25 days. After that the taste and texture begin to deteriorate. A science teacher at George Stevens Academy in Blue Hill, Maine removed a single Twinkie from its packaging and placed it above the blackboard to test actual longevity. The Twinkie did not spoil for 30 years. The teacher claims it became "rather brittle, but if you dusted if off, it's probably still edible."

Because Twinkies have no dairy ingredients and are 2/3 air, they do outlast most baked goods for freshness but the myths of their longevity have been long over exaggerated. However, due to this perception of longevity, bomb shelters in the 1960's were stocked with stockpiles of Twinkies and in 1999 Bill Clinton and the White House Millennium Council placed a Twinkie inside the Nation's Millennium Time Capsule to represent, "an object of enduring American symbolism." Another Twinkie myth is that the filling ferments into an alcoholic beverage after
eight years. Now that's just silly.

Even though the nutritional content of a single Twinkie is rather harmless, Twinkies have been vilified as the creme de la creme of junk food because of what ruthless mad scientists have done to them. Christopher Sell invented the "fried Twinkie" at his Brooklyn restaurant. It was described by the New York Times in this way: "Something magical occurs when the pastry hits the hot oil. The creamy white vegetable shortening filling liquefies, impregnating the sponge cake with its luscious vanilla flavor. . . The cake itself softens and warms, nearly melting, contrasting with the crisp, deep-fried crust in a buttery and suave way. The shop adds its own ruby-hued berry sauce, which provides a bit of tart sophistication."

By 2002, the Arkansas State Fair had introduced the fried Twinkie and the recipe spread to other state fairs across the U.S.. A common do-it-yourself recipe for the fried Twinkie is to dip whole Twinkies in pancake batter then deep fry them. A second more decadent treat is to pull out your favorite Tiramisu recipe and substitute the Twinkies for lady fingers. There is Twinkies sushi, Twinkies ice cream, Twinkies cheese cake, Twinkies wedding cake, you name it, they've made it. Weird Al invented the stunning "Twinkie-Weiner Sandwich," which consists of a Twinkie slit lengthwise to form a bun, into which a hot dog is placed. The bun is then garnished with Easy Cheese.

This baked snack has staked it's place in America's pop culture. You'll see it constantly mocked on t.v. shows, in the movie theater and by health food advocates. But even more surprising, Twinkies have taken their place in the legal books. In 1979 Dan White was on trial for a double assassination. A defense therapist put a novel argument before the jury, claiming that the defendant shouldn't be held responsible for his actions because he had been influenced by damaging biological factors due to harmful diet of "Twinkies and Coke." He begged the jury to find that White was in a diminished psychological state due to this diet. Mr. White was convicted for the two assasinations. Local media mocked the riduculous defense and now a "Twinkie Defense" is a general derogatory term for a criminal defendant's claim that some unusual factor (tobacco, sugar, allerlgies, etc) diminished their responsibility for their crimes.

I'm the first to admit when I'm wrong. But I'm shocked at just how wrong I've been about Twinkies. Long story short, next week I'm hosting a Twinkies party to officially reconcile myself to these misunderstood snacks. My guests are encouraged to bring one of the many Twinkies recipes and these confections will be sampled throughout the night to understand the joyful nuances of the treat. It's never too late to begin healing. Join us.