November 3, 2007

At Odds with Myself

They scream at me. They pee on me. They trash my house. I spend all afternoon counting down the minutes till my daughters' naptime so I can do something non-kid related. But as soon as their heads hit their pillows, I betray myself. I get on the computer and look at pictures of them. I edit videos of them. I call my mother and tell her the funny things they said. I sneak into their room and watch them sleep. I scrapbook their baby photos. Could it be that I don't dislike my children as much as I thought?

But my worst offense (and I quiver to even confess this) is that when my 7 month old wakes up at 2 a.m. giggling, I jump to her side, pull her out of bed and play with her for 20 minutes before feeding her and putting her back to bed. We both relish these moonlight escapades and her chances of sleeping through the night in the next decade are shot. I know what I'm doing is grossly wrong. I know I am going to die a self-sacrificing, doting, wuss mom, but I can't help myself. Their powers of charm are too strong for me to resist.

My trendy novels await me in a sad pile on my desk. The dishes reek of tilapia in the sink. My husband begs me to watch basketball with him. "I'll be right there," I call and run through another folder of baby pictures on the computer. The woman I once was has no chance against the Mom I now am.

15 comments:

Chris & Allie said...

This is perfect! Not to mention totally and completely ME! Thank you for making me feel a little more normal!;)

Janie and Andrew said...

At least I know I'm not the only one!!

Jill said...

Isn't it SO great! I think it is worth it ALL. What a boring, selfish world it would be without our little ones!! It's an amazing sort of love :) Their power is mesmerizing.

Angela said...

So with you. I really only need everyone in bed for about 20 minutes before I start fondly reminiscing. Or it only takes the 5 minute drive from home to the restaurant before I go from, "Get me out of here!" to "Honey, let's talk about the kids."

Suzie Petunia said...

This is a good thing.

Is tilapia a kind of food, or a bacteria?

Colleen said...

So does this mean that I'm not a freak or that we're ALL freaks?

Hollywood said...

I'm thinking all us moms are masochistic messes. It's an impossible to prevent side effect of parenting.

Suzie - tilapia is a kind of white fish. I've been eating a ton of it lately and my entire house reeks. Not good.

amelia bedelia said...

On the talapia sidenote:

I just found out (through watching Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe) that talapia eat other fishes' poo...yep, that's right. I serve a lot of talapia myself (thanks Costco), but have since thought about switching to another version of white fish...any suggestions?

Adrienne said...

Amelia, rest assured: fish are, universally, at the very bottom of the food chain. This means poo-eating. Changing to a different KIND of fish won't make much difference.

I'd be more concerned about what they're feeding to the... I forget, was it bass?

Deb said...

I think this ALL the time.

I just found you because of the awards. Great blog.

Y said...

I've been reading your blog for a few weeks now and I've yet to tell you how much I love it.

So, um, I love your blog.

Hollywood said...

Thanks, Y! Stick around - I'll do my best to entertain you :)

Annette in BC said...

See, that's one of the reasons I put the computer in the living room (although DH hates the mess). I tell him it's so we can keep an eye on the kids online (part 1) but it's also so that I don't disappear into the other room for hours at a time and emerge blinking in the wee hours to find the house in darkness and everyone else asleep. Now I can sit at the computer and when required, casually turn on my swivel chair to "join in" on whatever else is going on (the great hockey play etc.) then turn right back again.
;o)

Brent and AmberLee's Family said...

Your blog is fantastic. I found it though Tisha Calhoun's blog (I went to high school with her), and can't help myself--I keep checking back.

I love this story, it's all too familiar. Now, I hate to break the mood--I know this is beside the point--but what software do you use to organize your pics? I'm trying to find one I trust with my years of pictures.

Thanks for the blog!

Monica said...

I do the same thing when my baby wakes up at night! When I hear her wake up, I'm just bummed, and about 5 seconds later I'm cuddling and cooing and absolutely loving the "just the two of us time." She's the youngest of five, so that kind of time is rare. I know I am going to miss it, even while I'll be a new person when I get to sleep through the night for weeks on end...