November 19, 2007

Magazines You Can't Live Without!

I just got my copy of the 2008 Writer's Market reference manual. I'm trying to find markets to submit essays for publication and thought I could find some good leads in it. The section on magazines was particularly encouraging. There is a market for everything. Along with the magazine contact information, they offer Editor tips to be published. Here are a few I loved:

Coonhound Bloodlines: From the editorial staff, "Writer's must retain the 'slang' particular to dog people and to our readers - many of whom are from the South." Reading between the lines here, be careful not to use multi-syllabic words. They just wouldn't understand.

Miniature Donkey Talk: "We cover nonshow events such as fairs, donkey gatherings, holiday events, etc." What is a donkey gathering and how do I get on the guest list?

newWitch: Editor's note, "particularly interested in how-to spellcrafting and material for solitary pagans and wiccans." If you liked "Sabrina Teen Witch," you'll love newWitch! Also included are tips to make sure you aren't invited to Prom.

Hepatitis: I loved this magazine's blunt title. When I went to their website, however, I saw that somebody had a self-confidence failure and the magazine's title has been changed to, "Liver Health Today." So much for Hep being hip!

Good Old Days: If you think everything's gone downhill since the Civil Rights Movement, Women's Liberation and TiVo, you'll love Good Old Days. This magazine glorifies the first half of the 20th century - everything from trollies to garters. Pick up your copy to remember why they called it the "Great" Depression.

Autograph Collector: "Articles stress how and where to locate celebrities and autograph material." An alternate magazine title they considered was "Stalkers with Sharpies."

Teddy Bear Review: I threw up a little when I saw this one. "We are interested in good, professional writers around the country with a strong knowledge of teddy bears. Historical profile of bear companies, profiles of contemporary artists, and knowledgeable reports on museum collections are of interest."

Modern Haiku: Editor's tips, "study the history of haiku, read books about haiku, learn the aesthetics of haiku and methods of composition. Write about your sense perceptions of the suchness of entities; avoid ego-centered interpretations." Yowzers. I whipped up a little haiku just for them:

I'll never subscribe!
Who uses the word, "suchness?"
Only haiku geeks.

Relocating to the Lake of the Ozarks: Luckily, the Editor gave a tip for those considering submitting pieces. "Read the magazine and understand our audience." Thanks, because we really didn't get it from the overly vague title.

The Montana Catholic: This magazine is only for Catholics living in western Montana. So let's see, that leaves us with about 10 readers. They accept just about every kind of submission, but draw the line at poetry. Because real Montanans don't read poetry. Even if they are Catholic.
No website. Go write a sad poem about it.

The Hook Magazine: Apparently there is a sport called "tractor pulling" that I'd never heard about. Here's the magazine for everyone else lucky to be in on it. The Editor tips, "Features on individuals and their tractors...and what they want from competing...Write 'real'; our readers don't respond well to scholarly tomes." No, I guess they wouldn't.

Catholic Forester: I was disappointed with this one. I went to the website and it turns out it's not a magazine for actual Catholic forest rangers, but just some insurance group. Too bad. I had this great visual of a nun wrestling a grizzly bear.

Conceive Magazine: On one hand, they want you to conceive, but on the other hand they want you to buy their magazine. I'd be wary of advice like, "punch yourself in the gut 10 times after every meal," or "conception is most easily achieved through abstinence."

Dogs in Canada: I feel for this Editor. He had to specify that they did, "not want articles written from the dog's point of view."

So take heart, writers of America! There is a market for you. You just need to find it.


Anonymous said...

My 87 year old grandma is pretty much impossible to shop for, so my parents actually got her a subscription to The Good Old Days last Christmas. And she loves it!

Great list, but I think I will stick with Bust, my favorite magazine ever.

Lindsay said...

Love the list. It's so true, though -- I've been browsing through the 2007 Writer's Market (the only copy the library will let me check out and take home) and there really is a publication out there for everyone.

Have you ever subscribed to the online Writer's Market publication? I've been considering that, instead of buying the book, because it sounds like it would be more up-to-date.

Hollywood said...

Yeah, I think I probably will. This is the first time I've ever cracked the cover of a Writer's Market and from what I can tell in the book, it's only a partial list of what they have on their website so it would be WAY more advantageous for me to just bite the bullet and pay for the online subscription. Plus it would be much easier to search through the listings electronically. I can't believe how much information they have!

Jessica said...

Just FYI, the link for Conceive magazine goes to I think that the i and the e were accidentally switched. And no, I am not trying to conceive, it just happened to pique my interest! :)

Hollywood said...

Thanks for the tip! I fixed it :)

(Come on now, you know you want to talk about your plans for propagation on my blog - spill it, Jessica!)

Anonymous said...

oh my gosh. that was so funny about relocating to the lake of the ozarks or whatever.

Jessica G. said...

Oh my goodness...the fun we could have with a publication like that! I have one of those from 1999, when I took a writing from publication class. Worked pretty well as I've been published.

So who gets your first submission? I'm voting to the Montana Catholics.

her royal highness said...

Nuns wrestling grizzly bears! HAHAHAHA! Great visual!

Chelsea Worth said...

i got a copy of concieve magazine from my gyn office last year. when we moved in march i had thrown it in a drawer in a filing cabinet and didn't think too much about it. some of the young men from the ward helped us move out. someone thought it would be a good idea to take the drawers out of the cabinet to carry them down the stairs. i saw one of the poor young men doing his best not to look at it as it was on top of his stack. the headlines were things like "the best sex to get pregnant" and so on. it was rather hilarious.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

This is like one of your funniest posts ever. I thought about the sheer cleverness of it all day yesterday. Really. I think you should keep posting this back at the top until you get the bazillion comments it deserves like one of those mean mommies that drags out the unfinished dinner plate for every meal until the kids finish it.

Deb said...

I am absolutely howling over here. Canadian dogs? With the right article, I bet you could span the global dog magazine market.