December 16, 2007

I'm the Law Round These Parts

My job as apartment manager has been easy for the past few months. I didn't get any maintenance calls in October or November and only a few minor issues arose this month. But of course, this evening, as my bags are packed for my trip to family tomorrow, a water heater exploded, flooding a unit, the electricity is mysteriously malfunctioning in another apartment, and I received a complaint about the cleanliness of the laundry room. But I'm leaving regardless and hope the management company I work for can sort through the mess while I'm away.

I mentioned to one of my tenants tonight that I'd be out of town for over a week. He is a middle aged gentlemen and father to two young children. When he heard I'd be away he frowned. "Is something wrong?" I asked.
"Do you think the apartments will be safe while you're gone?"

Apparently he has the idea that I sit out in the courtyard with a shotgun every night, guarding all my beloved tenants. I assured him that the complex would be just as safe as it is when I'm here. He didn't look convinced.
"I'm sure somebody from the management company will be coming by to see how things are doing," I lied, hoping this would help him sleep better.

I do feel like a parent figure sometimes to these people. I got a call last week from a 40 year old man asking me to re-light his pilot light AGAIN. Apparently he couldn't remember where it was. When I entered his apartment I found it full of gas and was surprised he hadn't already died of asphyxiation. "Please look inside your stove and see where the pilot light is so I don't have to light it again," I told him yet again. I'm sure he won't. Not with handy, dandy Hollywood around.

Another time a male resident complained that there was a "suspicious looking stranger" in the parking garage talking on a cell phone. It was 11:30 at night so I very cautiously went down to the garage to check things out. It turns out the "stranger" was one of our long-time tenants returning from work. The complainer wouldn't know this since he'd only lived in our building for a week. I returned upstairs and assured the concerned resident that we have many tenants and he would soon get used to seeing them around the complex.

Then there are the unfailing ditzes of the complex. One sweet gal locks herself out almost every time she goes to get her mail. She used to come knocking at my door and calling my cell at all hours, day and night, and despite my pleadings with her to make a copy of her key, she kept forgetting. Technically, I'm supposed to have her call a locksmith if it's after hours but I'm a softie. Finally at an 11 p.m. knocking last month, I sent my husband, Spike to the door. He snapped at her in his curt, lawyer way about how we were going to start charging her to open her door. We haven't heard from her since.

I'll miss all my novelty-sized children while I'm away. Ha. No I won't. Sayonara, suckers!

15 comments:

kaff said...

Sounds like a great apartment! I want to be guarded all night with a shotgun :) I only break things every once in a while and I am usually really good about taking my keys. Any rooms for rent?

Have fun with the fam, Merry Christmas!

Heffalump said...

My parents managed an apartment complex when I was a teen. It almost did them in!
Have a great time visiting family~!

ricardobueno said...

Hey there Hollywood! Remember me?

I got this funny image of you sitting in the Courtyard with a shotgun, wearing a cowboy hat, and a piece of straw in your mouth. Lol. It's cute though, that tenant will miss you is all.

I feel for that girl that keeps locking herself out...I really do! After your husbands threat surely she'll remember not to lock herself out again. Or maybe she broke the window rather than seeing the likes of his wrath! Lol...I hope not.

Zarafa said...

Who will the tenants complain to when Santa intrudes? Better warn them on that one :)

Nancy Sabina said...

I was the Facilities Manager for a big fancy law firm in D.C. for like 3 years and it always amazed me when these supposedly oh-so-smart men would call ME and ask for help adjusting their fancy office chairs, or why wasn't their phone working (ah...did you dial 9?), etc. Amazing how dumb people can be when they know there is someone there to bail them out.

Angie said...

AHHH! The world of incompetency. The funny part is that most of those people probably hold high-paying jobs making important decisions or making airplanes and busses that we ride around in. I was always amazed at my jobs in my early career. I would have the biggest a*@holes for bosses sometimes - real power hungry, do-whatever-it-takes-to-climb-to-the-top, make-the-new-educated-girl-fetch-my-coffee type of men. Then I would meet their wives and they were often gruff, domineering, crass women who SOOOO wore the pants at home. The nice bosses usually had great wives. Always interesting to see people AT HOME. How in the world did I get on this subject???

Anonymous said...

where are you going?

Emily C said...

I'm a community aid in Wymount (40-year-old BYU married housing).

It's funny--my hubs is the softie. 12:30 at night, and he'll go open the door, and nicely ask if they know the policy regarding calling the locksmith for $50.

I don't have to deal with maintenance, though, thank goodness.

Karen said...

I seriously don't think I'd have the patience to deal with people. It's not like you have set hours with a job like that.

kila said...

where are you going?

Marie said...

When I was 19-23 I was a live-in manager for a very artsy B&B. Often big strong male guests would have the audacity to ask me, all 95 pounds of me, to carry their bags (not my job at any rate), ask me to dispense of a cricket in a bathtub (they never bought the "but crickets are good luck!" line), or check out dubious strangers. What could I possibly do with a scary intruder?

Sue said...

I would SO be the girl repeatedly coming to your door to get you to open my apartment, tee hee. Have a nice break...

Mrs. M said...

I feel it:) The managers at our place are taking a trip as well for 2 weeks! Have a great time, Hollywood!

Jessica G. said...

What? You're leaving? But...but you'll still blog, right? Every day?
*curling into fetal position and sucking on hair*

Angela said...

So are you a huge fan of Paul Giamatti in Lady in the Water?