February 4, 2008

Worst Songs Ever: The Definitive List

Random.org has determined that Liz is the proud winner of the Insignia MP3 player from the Hollywood Flakes Bad Music Giveaway. Liz was one of our many Micheal McLean haters. But most especially she hates the song, "Homeless." Here's a sweet clip of McLean's son singing it on YouTube.

Thanks to everyone who contributed to the giveaway, I had just about the worst day imaginable on Saturday as I looked up many of these songs on YouTube. But the cloud was not without its silver lining. For example, I will be forever grateful to the geniuses who created some hysterical parodies of these songs. My apologies in advance to the deaf community. Enjoy!

Awesome Parodies

"Butterfly Kisses" by Bob Carlisle
"I'm Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina and the Waves (dead link - I'll find another good one...)
"Fergilicious" by Fergie
"Superman" also called "It's Not Easy" by Five for Fighting
"Believe" by Cher (as used to teach English in India)
"Hit Me Baby One More Time" by Britney Spears
Tom's Diner by Suzane Vega (a trannie version)
"Same Mistake" by James Blunt
"My Humps" by Black Eye Peas. Thanks to Alanis Morissette for this sweet parody!
"Kiss From a Rose" by Seal a la Jack Black

Drunk College Students

"Blue" by Eiffel 65
"I've Had the Time of My Life" from the movie Dirty Dancing
"Blinded By The Light" by Manfred Mann's Earth Band
Who Let the Dog's Out by Baha Men
...and Mitt Romney's version
"Truly, Madly, Deeply" by Savage Garden (I've linked a sign language version!)
"My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion
"Backpack" from the show Dora the Explorer
"I'm in love with a stripper" by T-Pain
"Bitch" by Meredith Brooks
"Tubthumping" by Chumbawumba

Covers: Failed Attempts at Stardom

"Homeless" by Michael McLean
"We Built This City on Rock n' Roll" by Jefferson Starship
"Christmas Shoes" by Newsong
"Don't Cha" by Pussycat Dolls excessive thanks to the weirdos of American Idol
"I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston
"I keep on Fallin'" by Alicia Keys
"She Bangs" by Ricky Martin (The William Hung version)
"Follow Me" by Uncle Kracker
"I'm Sorry" by John Denver
"Achy Breaky Heart" by Billy Ray Cyrus - the dog show version
Wind Beneath My Wings by Bette Midler (an 11 year old diva's interpretation)
"Every Morning" by Sugar Ray (young prodigies perform)
"Midnight Cinderella by Garth Brooks
"Side with the Seeds" by Wilco
"Push" by Matchbox 20
"Paralyzer" by Finger Eleven
"Wishin' and Hopin" by Ani Difranco. Whoever taught this song to these pre-teens should be shot.
"Wildfire" by Michael Martin Murphey. Sorry, Spirit.
"I Can't Make You Love Me" by Bonnie Raitt. Clay Aiken's attempt. This is worth it.

Artist who Mock Themselves Better than We Ever Could
"Mony Mony" the Billy Idol version
The theme from the movie "Ice Castles"
"Cotton Eyed Joe" by RedNex
"Too Legit to Quit" by M.C. Hammer
"Ice Ice Baby" by Vanilla Ice
"Fish Heads" by Barnes & Barnes
"We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel
"A Man Needs a Maid" by Neil Young
"Nothing on But the Radio" by Gary Allan Feat
"When I'm With You" by Sherrif (The "Three's Company" tribute)
Wishing Well by Terence Trent D'Arby
"Unforgiven II" by Metallica
The theme song from the "Howdy Town" dvd. Does anyone know where I can find a clip?)
"Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under? by Shania Twain
Wild Thing by Tone Loc
"Bubbly" by Colbie Caillat
"The Story" by Brandi Carlisle
"Hot Legs" and "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy" by Rod Stewart
The theme song from the show "The Backyardigans"
"Dreamer" by Supertramp. I dare you to get past the first 20 seconds.
"Reason to Believe" by Rod Stewart. Warning, apparently there is a cat clawing his neck during the song.

Brain Bleeders
Party Like It's 1999
"I Trusted You" by Andy Kaufman
"I love you, you love me" from the t.v. show "Barney"
"All Star" by Smash Mouth
The song that never ends from the t.v. show LambChops
"Go to Prom Anyways Hellogoodbye" by Jesse Buy Nothing
"HaHaHaHaHa Song" a YouTube special

And Songs that You Got Wrong. These ROCK!

"I'm Too Sexy" by Rights Said Fred (actually, Severus Snape really might be too sexy...)
"Bad To the Bone" by George Thorogood and the Destroyers (although I have to say, this clip I've linked with Sawyer from the show "Lost" is sizzling hot.
"Party in My Tummy" by Yo! Gabba Gabba

I'm not quite through adding all the songs you guys mentioned, but hopefully I'll have this list finished off by the end of tomorrow. If you were unable to participate in the contest, leave your pick for worst song here in the comments and I'll include it as well. So much bad out there. So much bad.


Jenny said...

Wow Hollywood--once again you've provided us with hours of entertainment. I think its a fitting tribute to some of the world's worst songs to be butchered so well, although I have to say, I think the kid's band doing matchbox 20 was pretty dang cute...

Chris & Allie said...

Oh come on! You missed the Jack Black version of my favorite ;( song!

Chris & Allie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Hollywood said...

How can I dispute that, Allie? I've updated the link to Jack Black goodness.

Anyone else know of any better parodies I can use?

April said...

The hilarious clip you linked to was taken off by Youtube.... cry

Jessica G. said...

I nearly peed myself watching Alanis shake it in "My Humps" parody! My kids don't understand what is so funny.

And yes, Party in My Tummy truly rocks! My kids will actually get their dinner if I sing this for them. Of course, my singing and dancing makes everyone else sick...

Colleen said...

Ha ha! I mentioned this contest to Jim and told him "I'm Too Sexy" had been nominated. We had a lengthy discussion about how awesome that song is. :)

kadusey said...

Harder to Breathe by Maroon 5. I detest any song that includes breathy panting (or panting of any sort).

I'll Be Watching You is another horrible song. Guess it's actually called Every Breath You Take. My roommates and I one year just called it The Stalker Song. One of my roommates had a compilation CD of various BYU accapella groups, with a version of that song on it that made me cringe horribly every single time it played. Creeped me out to no end.

Just thought I'd throw in my 2 cents on the most horrible songs ever if you're trying to create a comprehensive list.

Madonna's Like a Virgin is another one I can't stand.

Kari said...

Rats, I was out of town and missed the contest. :(

Well, my vote for worst ever creepy-stalker song would be "You´re Beautiful" by James Blunt...

Luckily it spawned one of the best Weird Al parodies ever, so it isn't a total waste.

barnaclebutt said...

Hollywood, I just found your blog and am really enjoying it. I wondered if you have ever read "Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs"? It is the only thing that can make me happy in the final trimester of pregnancy, which means I've read it four times for the sake of my family.

So, um, good blogging.