How to Clean a Carpet

Yet more of my fabulous follies as an apartment manger. This job tempts me to hate mankind.

We have a family who moved in three years ago. They seemed nice, normal and promised to provide little or no hassle to me. But last year the wife knocked on my door.

"Hollywood, is there anything you could do for us? Our carpet is so dirty. Could we have a new one?"

I went down to their apartment and saw that the beige carpet we had installed only two years before was literally black throughout the entire apartment. I made a phone call. My management company was feeling generous so they put in a new carpet at no cost to the tenant. Yeah, they're just nice like that sometimes.

Last month there was another knock on my door. It was the wife.

"Do you think you could put a new carpet down in our apartment? It's black again. I was thinking you guys could put in a really dark carpet so you couldn't see the dirt."

"I don't think we are going to be able to do that. Have you tried cleaning it?"

"Yes. I clean it, but it always gets dirty again. Your carpet is so nice and clean..."

"I vacuum almost every day and shampoo it every few months."

"..."

"Would you like the phone number of a carpet cleaner?" I offered.

"I guess. Would the apartment company pay for cleaning?"

"No."

One week later she gave notice that they were moving out. On to newer, whiter carpet I suppose. I'm not the cleanest gal on the block, but I don't think these people even owned a vacuum. Even pigs don't live in their own filth. I wonder if she really weighed the options and decided that packing up and moving was more palatable than actually keeping her carpet clean. Gross. Really gross.

Rant over. For now.