November 11, 2009

In Your Face, Life!

Who is going to be watching the Vans Triple Crown of Surfing Competition in Oahu, Hawaii in a couple of days?

Who is going to lend her practiced eye to the dancers at the 18th International Hula Dance Competition at the concert shell on Waikiki beach on Saturday evening?

Who is going to be skimming over the seas in a 40 foot catamaran while the steam of whale spouts float into her face while you are stuck in your cubicle?

That's right, kids. Hollywood has finally earned her long-yearned for trip to Hawaii. And it won't be pretty. After 30 years, I'm getting mine and the fallout is going to be thick. Don't think this is going to be an easy week for you. Just when your boss walks by at five minutes till 5pm and casually drops that thick file on your desk, think of me, sipping whipped pineapple slushy off my fingers on a white beach.

And that treadmill you exercise on? You're not even going to be able to make it to your second mile without stumbling while imagining me simultaneously swimming in the crystal clear Pacific with the bottlenose dolphins. Life is rough. I know, I've been there. But not this week. This week is payback. Spike and I are going to come back from our week in paradise (sans kids!) looking like this:

And yes, we'll finally be too cool for you.

Aloha!

31 comments:

Anonymous said...

wow. i knew you were funny, but gracious, too?

Hollywood said...

That's as gracious as I'm feeling right now, sucka!

Colleen said...

I'm afraid you won't be able to beat our accidental Britney Spears concert when we went to Oahu on our honeymoon. Yes indeedy, we just stumbled on it. No, really.

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