December 14, 2005

Political Fervor

So I'm out for a walk yesterday and get to the post office where I need to mail a package. Since this is California, there are a bunch of young adults outside the building with a booth employing their dang right of free speech trying to intersect every passerby to talk to them about some "new and exciting" liberal issue. I've pretty much seen every possible group and usually don't stop to talk to them since I'm one of two Republicans in my town. But I was sick of passing out the condescending straight-ticket Republican smile of apology so I decided to try another method. When the lady approached me as I was struggling up the stairs with Pixie's stroller about getting rid of Dick Cheney, I said "Good luck! That man's in place by the DEVIL!" She got all excited and said that was exactly the problem. Okay, I thought, I have to up the ante and let her know she doesn't need to persuade me.

"He's got demon powers!" I said enthusiastically, drawing on my Texas upbringing to invoke evangelical terror. "That's just what we're trying to say" she responded - now with more passion. Now I was in trouble. How could I be even more fervently not-in-need of persuasion? "HE'S THE DEVIL!" I desperately exalted, a little too loudly (got some funny looks for that one) - at which point she pulled out the two pamphlets that I have shown here of Cheney happily wriggling in the pit of hell surrounded by flames.

I was dumbfounded. She proceeded to "schpiel" me for about 5 minutes about how Cheney is employing demon tactics and yada yada yada while I stood there in shock that she actually did believe exactly that. She was very confused when I declined to sign their petition and timidly declined to donate money. I still can't think of accusing someone of something more outrageous but will have to drum up something by the next time I stop by the post office. Or maybe it never pays to pretend to be something you aren't. Back to the old Barbara Bush smile of condescension?


Ben Everton said...

Don't you know, he's a 32 degree Mason. Of course he is Satan. But that story is so funny and so true of liberals. They LOVE to sit around and preach and reconvince one another.

The message is loud and clear: NEVER TALK TO LIBERALS.

Did you hear about Ann Coulter getting booed so loudly at Yale that she couldn't even finish her speech. So that's that open diversity of ideas that those Dukais loving moon maidens love so much.

Adrienne Evans said...

Uh, Sarah, as your Token Liberal Texas Friend (TLTF, tm) I have to say... Dick Cheney IS a little evil. Maybe not in place via Satan, but... teensy bit evil. It's the eyes, I think...

Adrienne Evans said...

Also, for your buddy Ben there... The liberals don't have the monopoly on "preaching." God knows how many fundies I've been acosted by for being an "Evil Biologist" doing "Evil Cloning" and "Plasmid Preps for THE DEVIL."

That last one is a joke, but we did get fundies protesting stem cell research a while back. Which
A. Not what I work on.
And B. Not on this campus.

Sarah said...

I knew this one would draw out some protests! Adrienne, I'm sorry to say I'm pretty sure there are no right answers out there thanks to Cheney's all-powerful network of evil. But it's fun to get people all whipped up once and a while. Keep up your ethically corrupt scientific perversions - I promise I can see past all that to the beautiful little republican hiding inside :)

Jared said...

Liberalism is a mental disorder. They can't help it. Just pity them.

Adrienne Evans said...

Actually, Sarah... Truth be told, I'm a Republican at heart. I value small government and support states rights. Unfortunately, that's not the Republican party anymore. The Republican party NOW is the party of big business, greed, and legislating the private lives of Americans. I think what bothers me MOST about the Republican party now is that there's this pervasive legislation of morality that seems to be the norm (gay marriage, abortion, evolution, etc) and while those are really important and polarizing issues, they are not now and should never be the jurisdiction of the federal government.

I mean, I would be a Republican but for the fact I'm pro-choice (and pro-child), against the death penalty, and rather fond of my many gay friends. The GOP really just does not want me in their club.