July 18, 2006

Humility Galore

Remember my gloating post about how I'm the smoothest chick surfer on the west coast? Yeah. I was totally delusional. On Saturday I went surfing with a few of my friends and was quickly brought to my knees. I was the only one of us who had ever surfed before so I tried to give some kind of "instruction" to my hapless troups before we headed out to the waves. It was as effective as the captain of the Titanic telling the women and children to plug their noses.

Our first mistake: board selection. The place where we rented didn't have the big soft beginner boards. Just the heavy, hard slippery kind that left bruises all over my body each time they hit after the wave caught us. I have tons of ugly bruises all over my legs and a handful of deep tissue bruises all over my midsection (not to mention two big patches on my arm where the skin was rubbed off). Heavy board plus clumsy mom equals bash-fest. In the foam versus fiber glass war, fiber glass kicks hinnie.

Our second mistake: Beach selection. We headed to a spot the surf shop guy recommended in El Segundo. The beach was covered with ripped surfer dudes with grim expressions and slick boards. The place we were surfing was not for the feeble of body, which we all were conclusively proven to be once the first wave hit. Big, rough, jagged waves that kicked our butts and sent us crawling up the beach for loving pats from our spouses every few minutes. Most of our fellow surfers watched us with amusement as I shouted feeble instruction to my confused friends. Which way to the kiddie pool?

Our third mistake: Not giving up. I toughed it out for almost three hours in the surf while keeping an eye on the pros farther out in the water. There was such a strong rip tide that I couldn't even swim out to where they were. Thankfully, I did manage to get up every few waves but the slope of the beach only provided a few seconds of glory before dumping me out on the sand with the kids. Thanks to the rough surf, and the amount of time I spent rolling on the bottom of the ocean, all my sunblock rubbed off and now I'm Country Fried Hollywood. Despite Spike's cautions about ever surfing again, I'm going to pull the stubborn card on this one and am planning on mastering this particular sport despite the obvious obstacles.

The glam factor of surfing still dazes me. It just seems like if I can surf with the best of them, all my other faults will be inconsequential. I'm all about superficial skills. I'm going to have to quit giving "lessons" however, unless I can somehow convince people to pay me. If I get someone drowned I want to at least be able to afford flowers for their coffin. Any takers?


Kaff said...

What happened to learning about sunscreen after your first summer burn?? I think that stubborn part of you comes out in all directions!

Orange + Angela = Orangela said...

you're still the best surfer in The Forest Glen! note to self: FOAM BOARD!

Stephanie said...

For what it's worth, you still rock, despite your fried lobster appearance. Go, Gidget!