The REAL Reason I Don't Want to Live in Utah
The poll results are in, and I'm a disappointed to report that the post everyone wants to read is "the REAL reason I don't want to live in Utah."
I was hoping it would be something else and have been stalling on putting this post together. I hate having to give the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. It's much easier to hide behind a veil of sarcasm and irony. So please forgive me if this post is disgusting in its reality. It pained me to type every letter of it.
Okay, so I give a lot of dumb reasons to my husband when he begs me to move to Utah such as:
No real culture (sorry, friends, monster truck rallies don't count as culture in my book. So sue me).
Everyone is the same. Cloneville, USA. Except the original person cloned was wearing socks with sandals. Terrifying.
Too cold. People don't kill people, having to scrape icy windshields at 6 a.m. in the dark kills people.
Cookie cutter neighborhoods. "Our new housing development offers a variety of choices for new owners in home exteriors: light brown, beige, tan, bronze, buff, khaki, tawny, brownish, coffee or poop colored!"
Ugly barren desert wasteland blah-ville need-I-go-on Martian landscape. (Salt flats, anyone?)
Given the day and my mood, I may really truly believe any one of these sentiments but they are all total baloney. I know it, you know it. It's a beautiful place with wonderful people and beneath their laser hair removed exteriors, the people are vastly different. In fact, I hear some use Tide to wash their clothes while others use OxiClean. There's a veritable Noah's Ark of variety in that exciting state.
Okay, okay - I promised not to hide behind sarcasm and here I go getting all cheeky again. Sorry - it just comes so naturally! Are you ready? The real reason is... (drumroll please)...
I want to be someone. I don't want to be a second class version of everyone around me. My Dr. Phil confession is that I'm afraid that if I move to Utah, I'll just be that Mormon girl who doesn't shave her armpits often enough and says "crap." There would be 10 new and improved versions of Hollywood living on my block who are pretty much exactly like me except they made all the right educational decisions, chose the right paint colors for their walls and cleaned that rotting meat out of their fridge before their child ate it and had to get their stomach pumped. And for heavens sake, they would be NICE! I can't compete with that.
Yeah, I know. It's not a competition and everyone is great because of their differences. It looks pretty on a cross-stitch above the sink but I'm not convinced. L.A. has my type of people. On any given day I can go downtown and find scads of folks to make me feel better about myself. Feel inadequate about not cooking healthy meals for your family? Well that crazy guy at the train station is eating a live cat so maybe I'm not doing so bad. Feel like I'm a bad mom? Moms abandon their newborn babies at police stations all around L.A. in the night so I guess I'm not a total loss. The ugly truth is that it's comforting for me to live around people I feel superior to. I have to say it. It's sickening to see it sitting there in words but it's the truth. Nobody wants to be the bottom of the barrel and I feel that's what I would be in Utah. Here in L.A. I'm at least above the cat-eating lunatic.
Are you happy? You've got me to admit I'm a judgment jerk who feels better about herself in light of others' misfortune. This is the last time I ask you guys what to post about. I'm ready - let the disgusted comments begin!
I was hoping it would be something else and have been stalling on putting this post together. I hate having to give the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. It's much easier to hide behind a veil of sarcasm and irony. So please forgive me if this post is disgusting in its reality. It pained me to type every letter of it.
Okay, so I give a lot of dumb reasons to my husband when he begs me to move to Utah such as:
No real culture (sorry, friends, monster truck rallies don't count as culture in my book. So sue me).
Everyone is the same. Cloneville, USA. Except the original person cloned was wearing socks with sandals. Terrifying.
Too cold. People don't kill people, having to scrape icy windshields at 6 a.m. in the dark kills people.
Cookie cutter neighborhoods. "Our new housing development offers a variety of choices for new owners in home exteriors: light brown, beige, tan, bronze, buff, khaki, tawny, brownish, coffee or poop colored!"
Ugly barren desert wasteland blah-ville need-I-go-on Martian landscape. (Salt flats, anyone?)
Given the day and my mood, I may really truly believe any one of these sentiments but they are all total baloney. I know it, you know it. It's a beautiful place with wonderful people and beneath their laser hair removed exteriors, the people are vastly different. In fact, I hear some use Tide to wash their clothes while others use OxiClean. There's a veritable Noah's Ark of variety in that exciting state.
Okay, okay - I promised not to hide behind sarcasm and here I go getting all cheeky again. Sorry - it just comes so naturally! Are you ready? The real reason is... (drumroll please)...
I want to be someone. I don't want to be a second class version of everyone around me. My Dr. Phil confession is that I'm afraid that if I move to Utah, I'll just be that Mormon girl who doesn't shave her armpits often enough and says "crap." There would be 10 new and improved versions of Hollywood living on my block who are pretty much exactly like me except they made all the right educational decisions, chose the right paint colors for their walls and cleaned that rotting meat out of their fridge before their child ate it and had to get their stomach pumped. And for heavens sake, they would be NICE! I can't compete with that.
Yeah, I know. It's not a competition and everyone is great because of their differences. It looks pretty on a cross-stitch above the sink but I'm not convinced. L.A. has my type of people. On any given day I can go downtown and find scads of folks to make me feel better about myself. Feel inadequate about not cooking healthy meals for your family? Well that crazy guy at the train station is eating a live cat so maybe I'm not doing so bad. Feel like I'm a bad mom? Moms abandon their newborn babies at police stations all around L.A. in the night so I guess I'm not a total loss. The ugly truth is that it's comforting for me to live around people I feel superior to. I have to say it. It's sickening to see it sitting there in words but it's the truth. Nobody wants to be the bottom of the barrel and I feel that's what I would be in Utah. Here in L.A. I'm at least above the cat-eating lunatic.
Are you happy? You've got me to admit I'm a judgment jerk who feels better about herself in light of others' misfortune. This is the last time I ask you guys what to post about. I'm ready - let the disgusted comments begin!
Comments
And hey I thought UT was homogenous too, until I moved to not-urban Japan. UT is pretty varied compared to where I live. Still wouldn't want to live there.
Truth is, we didn't need much convincing.
Instead I'm moving to Snowflake in a couple of years.:-) Now that ought to be funny.
I LOVE CALIFORNIA!!!
I think the best thing about California is that there is a place for everyone. Diversity at it's best. If you want to be glorified or humbled, stand out or hide you can find a perfect neighborhood to suit your need.
I live in a neighborhood of constant flux, currently:we have the gang hoods, the wife beater, the spouse-beaters, the crack house, the guy who goes in and out of prison... and well -Thor and I are the neato white folks who go to church every freaking day of the week! Gotta love that!
This is a fabulous post. I LOVE Hollywood Flakes!!!
And I am proud to be a redneck.
And there is diversity and culture. Some of the best indie bands go to SLC and they have Gay Bingo!
That's why I never do the crafts at Enrichment meetings. I don't want the same cutesy shabbified wooden sign with vinyl lettering that everyone else in my ward has.
I can't move to Utah, because I don't own a JEAN JUMPER!
Jean Jumpers with Winnie the Pooh on them: 97
Sarah, I can't imagine you living in UT, because it is for people who enjoy living a life of conformity to some degree or another. Your personality is a little more unique. That's a good thing.
I have lived in and out of Utah, and there are a lot of things that are easier about living in Utah if you are a Mormon. You aren't a freak for getting married at age 20 and having a baby a year later. Out of Utah people consider having a baby at age 21 a teenage pregnancy. Plus church is always only a couple of blocks away, which simplifies a LOT of things when you get settled with kids and your life revolves around church activities. And people don't shake their heads at you when you have more than 3 kids. And low income doesn't equal living in a neighborhood with crack houses and spouse beaters. (I was surprised that someone thought that was a plus to living in So. Cal.) In Utah you know and trust your neighbors more.
But Jared is right. People in Utah are more judgmental about not having kids or not having them fast enough more than any place else. Outside of Utah I always hear "you're ONLY 31 and you ALREADY have four kids!?!?" Inside of Utah they say, "You're ALREADY 31, and you ONLY have 4 kids?!?!"
I agree with Amanda. It's nice going to the Dr. and not having to explain garments (or just have a weird moment of non-explanation).
I also agree with the low-income thing. My good friend was applying for state funded health insurance in CA recently. She's done that both in UT and CA now. She said in UT, a conservative state, they were genuinely concerned about her and her family's welfare. They didn't think twice at helping out young families just starting out. In CA, a liberal/"help all" state, she said they have treated her like dirt, making her feel like a piece of trailer trash. As if only illegals and minorities should have financial aid.
Also, "chronicler" good luck living in Snowflake if you don't like Utah. It is just a mini version of Happy Valley with all of the same pros and cons and a few of its own issues--economic, geographical, small town (all of those issues have their own pros and cons). I grew up there my whole life until I left for BYU. Overall I liked it pretty well growing up but will probably never live there again.
Also, "chronicler" good luck living in Snowflake if you don't like Utah. It is just a mini version of Happy Valley with all of the same pros and cons and a few of its own issues--economic, geographical, small town (all of those issues have their own pros and cons). I grew up there my whole life until I left for BYU. Overall I liked it pretty well growing up but will probably never live there again.
Payne, I'll let you know when I stop laughing about that Winnie the Pooh Jumper thing. Don't hold your breath!
When I left my much-loved hippie-town USA (Eugene, OR) for school then ended up marrying a Utah native my sister said to me, "How could you live there, everyone is the same?" I said to her, "I'll go there and be different." Truth is I have no claim on being different--there is diversity among the natives and the non-natives alike. We do have to deal with a particular Mormon culture here (it would be the same with an unusually high concentration of any religion, ethnicity or whatever), but some of us like to live here and mix it up a bit. And one of the best parts is being totally surprised by people who appear to be "conforming" but aren't so very much.
So here's my attempt to set a few things straight:
Since I've lived in Utah I've attended more broadway plays and fine-quality theatre events than ever. I've also seen some beautiful visual art. Sure it's not LA or NY, but I dare say we do quite well for ourselves for a state of this population and this far from either of the coasts.
Since I've lived in Utah I've experienced (for the first time) the beauty of all four seasons, rocked out at Styx and other rock concerts, attended an art exhibit at a wine gallery, met more people who cook with wine, experienced "the world" coming to visit during the Olympics, come to know and love more people with alternative lifestyles than ever before, campaigned for a Democrat, had more friends with dreads, heard more "get real" and "let's be painfully honest here" Relief Society lessons, etc. than ever before.
Predictable? I live in a nice neighborhood--one in which we can still go trick-or-treating--and just last winter we had a murder-suicide one block away and right next door to a home where my child plays frequently after school. That's not really too predictable. (And in some cases, predictable's not such a bad thing.)
And as for "it is for people who enjoy living a life of conformity to some degree or another" and some of the other sweeping assumptions that have been made about me, my family and my friends here, I'll return the favor by not making any assumptions about why people would say such things about people they don't even know.
(Note: because tone is so lost in type, please know I am not mad, but I'm not the quiet type either. No offense taken, none intended to those of you with alternative views or even different experiences. I just had to call it like I see it and since I live here I think I might be qualified to have an opinion on, well, living here.)
You're welcome to my hood any time Sarah. I think you'd enjoy our monthly GNO.
I think that most Mormon women who stay at home and have a lot of kids when they are young LIKE living in Utah because there are a whole bunch of other young stay at home moms. It eliminates the freak factor, and people aren't staring at you everywhere you go and making comments that you have your hands full. So while I LOVED living in Utah because I was the stereotypical, young stay-at-home mom (somewhat of a conformist in Utah), I apologize to those of you who are there and are not in that position and feel like that statement took away your identity.
I haven't lived in Utah for 5 years, and I really miss it. Consider yourself lucky if your family has a way of supporting itself in an area where all careers are not possible.
That said, I can see where UT gets props. Everyone being the same where you don't really have to explain anything can be a nice thing sometimes. Mostly though I like being an anomaly (Mormon) in ABQ or TX, wherever we happen to be.
Thanks, Sarah, for saying what we're all secretly thinking...
And the majority of women that come to Education Week are from OUT OF STATE. That includes all of your pooh bear jumper-wearing friends.
JUST KIDDING!!
Sheesh! Lighten up, people! These comments haven't gone at all how I predicted and I'm really sorry if I've gone and opened up the taboo Mormon debate. Just for the record, I think Utah is fantastico. I just really really don't want to leave L.A. and have realized my issue with moving to Utah comes down to poor self-esteem. But everyone seems to have a pretty rabid opinion one way or another. Take a look at how the poll is shaking out - I think the numbers clear up the whole issue.
Torchness--this is a weird Mormon thing. We treat the leaders of the church like celebrities. Seriously, what would you think if you heard, "You will never guess wich apostle I saw at the Olive Garden"? I guarantee, it happens!
I do love UT, but it's like ginger-cinnamon ice-cream. It's great for awhile and really compliments an apple pie, but certainly doesn't not qualify as a staple in my freezer. Or something like that. I'll take an ice-cream (or state) which lends itself to variations and diversity.
It might not have been the Utah background, but one Utahn I dated insisted that "diversity is ungodly" as a justification for the superiority of Utah. Uh-huh. Needless to say, that relationship ended.