November 13, 2007

The Value of Being A Nobody

It's been an entire day since I made the blog "anonymous." At first I thought it would hamper my style but upon further reflection, the new freedoms I have are quite giddying. I can say everything I think with no threat of you finding me and giving me those sad eyes of betrayal. For instance, comments like these will no longer result in a pipe bomb in my mail box*:

Didn't you wear those underwear yesterday?

Maybe if you weren't so busy surfing the net you'd be able to take care of that little problem called your "personal hygiene."

Those pants make you look fat.

My kids are cuter than yours. A lot cuter.

So, adult acne. How does that make you feel?

Of course, remarks like this won't encourage people to return to the site either, so I think I'll stick to spreading happy rainbows and unicorns across the blogosphere. And really, your acne isn't that bad.

In celebration of anonymity, let's make this an anonymous comments only post. Go for it, kids! What do you want to tell the world? I'll start:

I dreamed the other night that I was getting frisky with Christian Bale in the back seat of a Mexican tour bus. I didn't tell Spike.



*In truth, these are all things I imagine the anonymous voice telling me. Congratulations, now you know my worst insecurities.

210 comments:

1 – 200 of 210   Newer›   Newest»
Anonymous said...

I want to divorce my husand and marry Chuck from Chuck. After last night, I am in love. The stalking will commence, NOW.

Arugula Queen said...

I sometimes want to jump up in the middle of Relief Society, fling my arms in the air while throwing my head back and belting out "The Hills Are Alive With The Sound Of Music."

Especially on fast Sunday to cover the rumblings of my stomach.

Arugula Queen said...

And I'm so secrety, I even got my own secrety blog that I'm using my secrety identity for revealing secrety things about me.....

Anonymous said...

Sometimes in a pinch, I floss my teeth with my own hair.

Anonymous said...

i loathe relief society (and i'm sure i'm not the only one)

Anonymous said...

Sometimes when I take a multivitamin, my pee is neon yellow.

Sometimes I take a vitamin just to see it happen.

Anonymous said...

Oh! Oh! Fun!

I've flossed my teeth with my hair, too!

I don't really like kids. I love my own, but like others? Not so much. I'm a mommy blogger.

I have dreams about Colin Ferrell, but in real life, I think he's gross.

I wax my arms so I don't look like Sasquatch. Oddly, nowhere else is hairy.

Anonymous said...

I avoid RS too- this last week the bishop caught me out in the hall and told me he "saw a talk coming down the pipe" if I didn't get in RS. I laughed.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes I crave an iced tea.

Anonymous said...

I have a huge crush on Dennis Haysbert, and watch The Unit with my husband just so I can oogle Dennis.

Anonymous said...

I sometimes wonder if we should have circumcised our boys.

Anonymous said...

I shave between my eyebrows. It's so much easier than waxing or plucking.

I'm a compulsive zit picker.

Anonymous said...

I watch Moonlight. It's the most awesomely bad show on TV right now. And I mean AWESOMELY bad. And, oh, Mick St. John. *swoon*sigh*swoon*

Anonymous said...

I still pick my nose. No, seriously I do.(I'm pretty glad that this is anonymous).

Anonymous said...

It makes me sick to my stomach when kids under the age of 10 touch me (who aren't my own).

Anonymous said...

I'm a proper prude in public, but when I'm alone in my car I scream all the worst obscenities at the top of my lungs. It feels great!

Anonymous said...

I hate cub scouts - not the boys themselves, just the program.

Anonymous said...

Wait, not only do I hate cub scouts, I also pick my nose. To the obscenity screamer - does it help to release tension? Maybe I should take it up...

Anonymous said...

I think we make t-shirts that say, "I loathe Relief Society," to wear when we don't think anyone is looking ;)

I also wish there were an "honors sunday school" just like there was an "honors biology" in high school.

Anonymous said...

Make that, we should make "I loathe Relief Society" table cloths which we vow to never iron so I can enjoy the irony. (Ha! Pun intended. You can't punish an anonymous pun. Hahaha!)

Anonymous said...

I secretly find those websites where people refer to their kids and husbands with cutesy names mildly nauseating. Please, just call your kids "Todd" and "Sara" , not "Buggyboo" and "Sniffler." And those women who refer to their spouses as DH? Barf. Is there really only ONE family in the universe with a Todd and a Sara?

I'm sorry! I do! I have an evil lump of coal where my heart should be and cute causes me to break out in hives.

In other news, I totally understand your going anonymous. Now I can't stalk you, though. SAD!

Anonymous said...

I hate that people insist we give money to other countries when America has a HUGE amount of problems.

I also hate that people go outside the U.S. to adopt when there are perfectly beautiful babies here that need a home just as much. Let China be. They're taking over the U.S. enough as it is.

Anonymous said...

Relief Society is one of my favorite things in the world. Seriously.

Anonymous said...

I hate people. I wish I could say mean things to them and get away with it. I wish I could just stay home and never see people. People are stupid, and goofy, and lazy,... I hate people.

Anonymous said...

I think David Hasselhoff is sexy.

Anonymous said...

Okay, so this has nothing to do w/ being anonymous. but I just read your post from last dec. about why we should not vote for mitt romney, and I just HAD to share this(hey at least i am still being anonymous).

Ten Reasons to vote for Mitt Romney

10) The National Cathedral could be renamed the National Tabernacle

9) NASA could commission a satellite to 'hie to Kolob'

8) The Secret Service could be renamed the Sacred Service

7) All official government prayers could include the phrase 'that we all can get home safely'

6) Napoleon Dynamite could get someone other than Pedro elected

5) The President could not only explain things in Layman's terms, but also Lemuel's terms

4) The President could issue pardons in exchange for 100% home teaching

3) Not only could he pronounce 'Nuclear' but also 'Mahonri Moriancumer' and 'Maher Shalal Hash Baz'.

2) At his inauguration he would swear on the Bible 'as far as it is translated correctly' .

1) Finally a first family large enough to fill up the White House.

Anonymous said...

ditto with the organization known as Scouting, cubs, girl, or boy, the whole thing wreaks of big business. I just want to scream "nice badge there mom".

As far as RS. I love the program but dislike 98% of the women. I want to scream at them to stop complaining about consequences to choices they made themselves.

I have the t.v. on all the time.

Anonymous said...

It bugs the crap out of me when people talk with dry-mouth. smack smack smack.

I pick my nose, too. Doesn't everyone? I mean, otherwise, what happens to the boogers? You've got to get them out, and sometimes blowing just doesn't cut it. Right? I like having a clean nose.

Anonymous said...

I am so freaked out about posting pictures of my baby now that I changed my settings on my blog. But I just can't take down pictures of her! That's how my family, who lives far away, gets to see her.
I'm contemplating just stopping blogging all together.
(I'm a very paranoid person by nature)

Anonymous said...

My mother is a mean, mean person. I've tried for years to get along with her, but I cannot do anything right. Even when I don't say anything to make her mad and keep my nose out of things, she makes stuff up to be mad at me about. She tells her friends lies about me so they will side with her on things, and when her friends found my blog, she threatened to disinherit me if I ever wrote anything about her again.

I feel muzzled and sometimes I hate her for being such a terrible person.

Anonymous said...

My big thing: I hate the word "pee." For some reason it is the grossest word in the world to me. I always wonder if I am the only one. Am I? Come on guys, tell me in your voice of anonymity.

Anonymous said...

I just hate the smell of pee, not the word itself. I also love it when I'm alone and I can just fart whenever I want to. Really loud, with no worries. Sometimes I wish we all could do it out loud whenever we needed to. But then I worry about the smells.

Anonymous said...

I love the way I smell after I give birth. It's like the ocean, clean and pure. I wish it lasted longer.

Anonymous said...

I love giving birth, period. I don't mind the pain or anything involved- it's pregnancy I hate.

Anonymous said...

I think I might be addicted to my computer.

Anonymous said...

I like Relief Society.

My mother-in-law and I don't get along at all...I mean, my husband has to mediate whether she's in town or not.

I don't floss.

I only like my own kids.

Anonymous said...

After I got married I realized I was a homosexual. But I love my husband and son too much to ever say anything about it. I couldn't bear losing them.

Anonymous said...

I LOVE farting really loud, it is just so relieving to get it out.

Anonymous said...

hey anonymous(oh yeah, that sure narrows it down) you should email pics of your kids to your family.

Anonymous said...

Wow, that is all i have to say. when the comments are as interesting as the post, I say that it is a genius post. I am going to keep checking all day. There has been some GOOOOOd stuff.

Anonymous said...

And to the admitted homosexual, good for you. That is really impressive that you are that committed to your family.

Anonymous said...

I also pick my nose, especially in the car. I also don't really like other people's kids; sometimes I'm not even a big fan of my neices and nephews.

My husband is a writer and tries to get published, but I think most of his writing stinks. I have the hardest time telling him that.

Anonymous said...

I love Relief Society! But, I really don't like my visiting teacher and she thinks I'm one of her best friends.

Anonymous said...

I like Relief Society. What is up with all the haters?

I don't floss. One day a moler is going to implode.

Anyone who doesn't vote for Mitt is crazy. Either you don't know enough about all the other candidates, or you're too self conscious to have a Mo in the white house. Inform yourself!

Anonymous said...

I watch 4 to 6 hours of TV daily. I worship my TiVo. I limit my children to 1 hour of TV daily.

Anonymous said...

I took a shower today for the first time in 4 days.

My best friend from high school drives me bonkers, and somedays I don't answer the phone when I know it's her callng. I also think her kids are brats.

I love Relief Society. Primary makes me feel like I'm locked away in a private hell.

Once my pee was brown.

Anonymous said...

I really, really love my husband. Marrying him was the single best thing I've ever done in my whole life.

Anonymous said...

I just want 30 minutes alone with Johnny Depp. Please, I swear I'll tell my bishop everything after, but just 30 minutes alone with the man.

Anonymous said...

I do have favorites. Some days it changes who that is, but I do. My mom lied. Mothers do have favorites. She didn't love us all the same.

Anonymous said...

I really look forward to the day that I no longer have to deal with my in-laws.

Anonymous said...

I despise tacky holiday decorations. I hate blow-ups in the yard and stupid things that sing dumb songs. It's just trashy, and it lowers my opinion when people think stuff like that is festive. It's not. It's dumb garbage.

Anonymous said...

All the "enlightened" Mormons out there who complain publicly about how hypocritical and judgemental their fellow ward members are - make my skin crawl. Look in the mirror and the start practicing a little charity.

Also, sometimes I like to lick chicken flavored bouilion cubes.

Anonymous said...

The idea of Hillary Clinton as president frightens me for my children.

Anonymous said...

I eat butter.

Anonymous said...

I eat butter too! Lot's of it spread on saltine crackers! Yum!

Hollywood said...

Sorry to have to delete a few of these comments, guys, but I don't want this post turning X rated!

Anonymous said...

I do not return all of my phone calls, even though my voice message clearly says "leave a message and we will return your call."

I'm also addicted to the TV show The Waltons. I just can't stop watching.

Anonymous said...

I can't take short men seriously.

Anonymous said...

Keep on editing! This is getting gross.

Anonymous said...

i dont belileve the "homosexual"

Anonymous said...

To the nose pickers, I think that most people pick their noses. I heard from a professor once that if you are ever at a stop light, you can look around and find at least one person picking their nose, and it has been SO TRUE so far. Sometimes I even find that it is ME about to pick my nose, and then I remind myself that my front windows are NOT tinted and that privacy in cars is very limited.

Anonymous said...

I don't believe the homosexual either, even though I am a homosexual too. I told my husband yesterday, he just called me to tell me that he found another girlfriend and is going to marry her in Hawaii. I am actually very happy for them. I hope he has a better life with her.

Anonymous said...

That is a total lie! Hollywood will you please delete that last post about the homo. I hate it!

Anonymous said...

I have never seen anyone in a car at a stop light picking there nose.

Anonymous said...

will you delete both of them please.

Hollywood said...

I'll delete comments that are inappropriate, not ones that others don't agree with or believe to be false. Let freedom ring-a-ling-a-ling. But hey, if this thread is making you crazy, I just wrote a really tame, boring post about magazines. It's much safer waters.

Anonymous said...

I hate self righteous mormon women who think they are above Relief Society. I think the idea of an "honors" sunday school is about as hypocritical as it gets. We could always call it the pharisee course.

Anonymous said...

I committed murder.

Not really, but I just wanted to say that b/c you said that in your new post.

Anonymous said...

My marriage is in shambles. I'm trying really hard, but I'm honestly not sure how much longer it's going to last.

Some days I think that marrying my husband was the best thing I ever did, but most days I'm convinced that it was the worst.

Some days my kid eats nothing but snacks and fruit...and some days it's in front of the TV.

My butt looks ridiculously cute in expensive jeans...or cheap jeans for that matter.

I also pick my nose and floss with my hair.

We can barely make ends meet, so I'm really bad at giving routine baby gifts and birthday presents. But I love to give expensive things to people that they really want or need them and never tell anyone about it. But I guess I can list some of them off here: a washer/dryer, a really fancy dinner out, an ipod, $100 to help with an insurance deductable, a really nice stroller, and an entire living room set. I love seeing people get what they deserve.

It felt really, really good to finally admit that I've given those things to other people! But I like that I've kept it quiet for all this time.

Anonymous said...

I often regret converting to Mormonism, and wish I had remained happily oblivious. I'd like to return to my religion of origin, but I think I'm in too deep.

The expression "endure to the end" kind of makes me tired instead of giving me strength.

Anonymous said...

I can't stand stupid people.

I've made mean faces at ugly kids when their parents aren't looking.

Anonymous said...

I still daydream of my high school boyfriend and wonder, what if?

Anonymous said...

as an adolescent i learned that my mother had been having an adulterous affair with a woman who everyone considered her best friend. my dad and siblings know about it too. it's ongoing and we've been living with the secret for years. she denies it again and again but we've seen and heard more than enough. it has ruined our family in many ways. if i hug or kiss her it's out of pity because she'll cry if i turn away. i think i hate her.

Anonymous said...

I still think about the boyfriend I had before I met my husband. Our relationship was a total disaster, and our marriage would have been too, and I'm 100% glad I married my husband, but still. Sometimes I think about him.

Anonymous said...

Man, lots of weird attitudes towards gay people going on here today.

Here's my secret: If my child turned out to be gay, I'd 100% okay with it.

Anonymous said...

May I put out the thought that you are responsible for what you write and post on the Internet? Why should one think that word "anonymous" gives free rein to write anything you want without taking responsibility for it? You are, right now, responsible for what you are writing. Your words have power, and you should use that power carefully. Be sane! Don't leave a sulfurous trail behind you. "Angels above us are silent notes taking, of every action, then do what is right."
That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't be surprised if the person who left the previous comment lives in provo.

Anonymous said...

Wrong-o!

Anonymous said...

I think this is funny.

Anonymous said...

I have to admit that this has entertained me for a better part of the evening. Thank you Hollywood.

Anonymous said...

Free therapy, I love it! Hollywood, I'm sure you can think of a way to charge for this!

Hollywood said...

I just have to reiterate, please make sure to mark the "anonymous" button BEFORE you submit your comment! I've had to do a few frantic clean ups to keep some of you from being exposed!! And no, I really didn't want to know it was you.

Okay, now that everyone is shaking in their booties (was it me? Does she know?) maybe you'll lay off the mean comments.

Anonymous said...

Oh, that is RICH. Have fun, kids!

Anonymous said...

you shouldn't lick chicken flavored boullion, it's chock full of msg.

Anonymous said...

it IS msg.

Anonymous said...

i would LOVE to go to relief society.

Anonymous said...

are there people reading this thinking, "what the hey is relief society and why do all these people hate it?"

Anonymous said...

Hollywood, are you going to be able to sleep tonight while this King Kong of a post generates its Andromeda strain of out-of-control anonymous comments? Wheeeeee!

Relief Society?

Anonymous said...

I can't stand Mommy Blogs. I mean, we all have cute kids. They do cute things. We all know this. But we don't care about every little thing they do.

Anonymous said...

I'm guessing this is a record number of comments. Good for you. Even if it did get a little out of control for a while there. Whatever's good for business.

Anonymous said...

You have some disturbed readers. I am among them.

Anonymous said...

You have some disturbed readers. I am among them.

Anonymous said...

I sometimes wonder if my marriage will last after having a baby. It is definitely stretching us.

Anonymous said...

I too think about my boyfriend before my husband and know that we would have gotten a divorce because of he was a liar and cheater. But for some reason he is still in my thoughts after 10 years. I was behind his mom at Costco today, but she didn't recognize me.

Anonymous said...

I pick my nose constantly while I'm driving. I'm pretty sure that is what powers my car. and now I'm afraid to stop.

Anonymous said...

Okay, okay, I have to confess. Yes, I too pick my nose. But I'll up the ante - I eat my boogers.

Anonymous said...

I caught my boyfriend eating boogers once. I did not marry him.

Anonymous said...

i liked the post about how the angels are watching us so we should be careful about what we write. um, if the angels are so darn smart, does it really matter if we write it? i mean, isn't it enough to have just thought it?

Anonymous said...

Ah ha! MSG! That's why it tastes so good. And I thought it was just all the salt.

Anonymous said...

yahoo. i'm the 100th commenter! send a prize to anonymous at 1279 anonymity lane in springfield next to the simpsons.

Anonymous said...

I have no close friends. That's why I blog. I have no one to talk to.

I have a love/hate relationship with my house.

My husband has the clutter gene.

In college, I had 2 guys tell me they felt "inspired" that I was the right person for them. Being new in the church, I was a little vulnerable to such proclamations. Luckily neither relationship worked out.

After college, a stake president who later became a GA told me he felt inspired to tell me that I would be getting married soon and therefore such and such. The therefore such and such happened - which would not have been my choice, but the "soon" did not. I got married about 5 years later.

I am a little skeptical when a Priesthood leader tells me he has received inspiration to extend a calling.

Anonymous said...

I eat cereal. *GASP*


( people pointing at me)..*she eats cereal!*

Anonymous said...

I think too many moms cope out and go to work.

Anonymous said...

This is addicting to read the comments. It gave me such freedom to express some thoughts that have been going around in my head for quite some time. All because of the anonymous button!! I will never forget that it is there now.

Anonymous said...

Ever since I read this yesterday I've been trying to think of something interesting about me to write. So far....nothing interesting. This is all I've got.
I often find myself arguing with my husband in my head where I yell and actually tell him what I really think, without crying. In reality, I usually just say "fine, whatever".
I think my kids deserve a mother who is better than me.
I feel like if I'm running late on sunday (pretty much every week) I can't go into RS without getting dirty looks.
Sometimes, at family gatherings, I just want to scream. I'm not sure if anyone would even notice.
I think my family likes my husband more than they like me.
I have the cutest children in the entire world. Seriously, you should see how cute they are.

Anonymous said...

The more stressed out I am the more I pick at my face, arms, and legs. Oh yes I also pick my nose at least once a day, but am so OCD that I only use my pinky finger b/c I don't want my nostrils to get any bigger.

Physcokity said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I go to work every day. For the past six months or so I think only half of that time I have been working.

Anonymous said...

Enduring to the end does not mean suffer through until the end.

I still wonder about a guy who was interested in me in high school.

I once had lime green poo.

Anonymous said...

I run around in the buff after a shower until the last possible minute.

I secretly want to marry Damian Lewis from Life.

As far as RS. I love the program but dislike 98% of the women. I want to scream at them to stop complaining about consequences to choices they made themselves. I concur.

Anonymous said...

I love black clouds with thunder and lightning especially when it makes the colors more saturated outside.

I love my nieces and nephews as if they were my own children. I love it more when I can hand them over to their parents.

I believe that the angels are silent notes taking which is why you shouldn't lie even when posting anonymously. The anonymity just protects you from social prejudice. The angels probably already knew ;)

Anonymous said...

Any self-respecting woman who is in her right mind would want a woman in the white house…well that effectively eliminates Hilary.

Anonymous said...

Please post pics of your kids. They are odd looking and I love it.

Anonymous said...

I once tried to floss my teeth with my hair, the hair didn't hold up.

Hollywood said...

Ha! Don't worry, my odd-looking kids will continue to be the masthead of the freakshow that is this blog. Although I have to tell you, Cher's body is finally catching up in size to her head so the fun is almost over.

Anonymous said...

I have no friends either. every one probably thinks that i am the biggest weirdo in the world. It sucks.

Anonymous said...

Dude. These people are freakin hilarious.

Will you all be my friends?

Sometimes... well a lot of the times... I think I'm suffering from pregnancy depression. I feel sad and cant get myself out of it on purpose. Something has to kick me out of it.

I hate it. What do I do? I am scared that I will be more depressed when the baby gets here.

Anonymous said...

I don't like being a mother. I really don't. I do it because I'm responsible. My kids don't know that I don't like it, my husband does.

Anonymous said...

I have several x boyfriends who dream about me, i think.

Anonymous said...

"This is a PG-13 rated blog. Please word your comments accordingly". That is too funny.

Anonymous said...

I have too many friends. I love them but I'm sick of caring about so many people.

I made a list of people to X. It only ended up with 1 name.

Better luck next time.

Anonymous said...

I rear ended an old lady and then got so scared I drove off. What can I do? If I report myself will they send me to jail?

Anonymous said...

To the depressed pregnant lady: I was so depressed the whole time I was pregnant. I was on antidepressants. Still didn't feel good. I cried through the day until I went to bed, every day.

I have felt tons better since babe was born. I know it doesn't happen that way for everybody, but I am living proof that it can. What a relief.

But, I did know a person with PPD so bad she was hospitalized. You know what tho? She got through it. You can too, if it happens.

Anonymous said...

do you know about a fairly new website at www.experienceproject.com? you can go there, create an alias like SadMamma, and discuss with people in your situation. i bet there's a group there called "i hate being a mom" where you can find dozens of other people to anonymously cry to.

i'm a man. my wife reads these comments, and i told her about that website. thus, i cannot comment without her getting wind of it, so...

peace!

Anonymous said...

This is like a watching a train wreck. I can't look away. It's a good think you're on Blogger, Hollywood- the other templates allow the blog owner to see the commenter, even if the other readers can't.

I wouldn't want to know who we are.

Anonymous said...

This is intense!
Anonymous with the marriage in shambles: I wish I was your friend.

I wish I had any friends, in fact, besides my husband.

I have lied/exaggerated/made up stories so much about my childhood I don't know the truth anymore. I hope that one day I can watch a video of my life (in heaven hopefully), but I'll probably be disappointed.

Anonymous said...

I want people to find out I survived cancer because then they will think more of me. Without that, there's not much to me.

Anonymous said...

To so many of you who are so sad and feel lonely, I hope blogging helps- and if you don't have a blog, GET ONE NOW!

Anonymous said...

AW, I'm probly too late. I just wanna say that I hate all the boob jobs. Enough with the boob jobs. I used to have nice boobs, but after nursing 5 kids, they don't look so hot. That's okay. I wear a good bra.

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to make the comments a round 130

Anonymous said...

Some of you people have a sad life so I don't want to say anything mean about your problems. But....wow, sad. And as for the blogger, it is sort of funny because you don't become anonymous in one day. TMI!

Hollywood said...

What are you talking about? My identity is an enigma, wrapped in a mystery, wrapped in bacon. I can walk through solid brick walls. I can enter Banana Republic unseen. Voldemort has spun a web of evil magic around my identity which only a 12 year old with glasses and a nasty scar can reveal. I assume that's not you (but if it is, can you sign my book?)

Anonymous said...

wow. the humor. the sadness. this started out cracking me up. laughed so hard I called people. but it got kind of sad, so I will say this, to those who are sad. you are not alone. I feel sad and friendless. But I also have some hope and I am trying harder to feel good about myself. I also know I have people who care about me.

I can relate to so many of you who secretly scream obscenities and yell at your husbands in your head. What an outlet. Thanks Hollywood. Now, here is some dish on me.

I dont really pick my nose. I dont like sticking my fingers up there. I use q-tips in the privacy of my bathroom. try it out.

flossing? no. i agree, the hair thing didnt work for me.

I am addicted to getting on the internet.

Thanks for the laugh!

Anonymous said...

Well. I just got called as RS President. Is everyone going to hate me now? How about if I confess that I too pick my nose, dislike other people's children, think that DH and other endearments are totally lame and admit to suffering from chronic depression for years? What then? I really like RS, but I will admit to almost a visceral hate of the biddies in the back of the room who loudly complain about how the teachers are teaching their lesson. Shut Up! Turn up your hearing aid! Maybe this woman actually has something to teach you and that is why SHE was called as a RS teacher and Not You!
whew. Am I going to be released now?

Anonymous said...

"I wouldn't want to know who we are."

I would, because we're human and the fact that all of us are messed up do things we're not proud of is, frankly, beautiful.

Anonymous said...

One more - to all you RS sisters, please don't judge the working mother. She needs your support and friendship, possibly more than the stay at homers.

I am blessed to be with a great group of women in my ward. RS is good. I appreciate hearing everyone's insights and experiences.

Anonymous said...

I LOVE JOE JONAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Wearing a bra helps your droopy boobs when you are wearing clothes, but what about when you are naked? Any woman who wants deserves to have their boobs fixed after pregnancy & nursing destroy them. And it might make your husband happy, too. I haven't had a boob job, but I say go for it! Boob jobs all around!!

Anonymous said...

from a husband, re: boob jobs:

i'll take my real wife over a store bought one any day. i'd rather have our tender moments mediated only by our feelings for each other rather than by the feeling of a foreign object placed between us by a surgeon. yeah, she's nursed, and yeah, that has an effect on the body. but it's real, and it represents the sacrifice and love she's given our family. i'll take that representation of real womanhood, thanks very much.

yeah, as you say, "boob jobs all around," and it's a crying shame that they are. so often those operations are a sign of shallowness, or of a lack of confidence, or of one being totally manipulated by the media and the worst things in our environment.

Anonymous said...

If I could get a boob job where I had a third boob--yeah, I think I'd do it. Right in the middle of my forehead, too. At least men would be much more likely to look at my face when they talk to me.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes, when I'm driving with the window down, and I pass a pedestrian, I get an overwhelming urge to reach out and whap them on the back of the head.

Or just run them over. Just because.

Anonymous said...

My postpartum depression was so bad with my kid that I will probably never have another child again. I really, really don't think I could live through that again. Or I'd end up murdering someone else. One of the children. The husband. Me.

But I still can't give my husband the okay to go get a vasectomy (he's totally willing).

Why the @#$@ can't I just let go?

Anonymous said...

I like to watch people on the stand in Sacrament Meeting fall asleep. Especially if one of 'em snores themselves awake.

Anonymous said...

I don't talk to my mother anymore.

I've never been happier.

Anonymous said...

I like Relief Society.

I think this is because I have finally learned, after soooo many years, not to give a fig newton about what anyone thinks of me.

And what I learned is most people aren't judging you: they're only thinking about what they think you're thinking about when you're looking at them.

And in the rare case where someone does judge me, well, I'm very happy to say that I can always go tell them to GO EAT A FIG NEWTON.

Anonymous said...

Hey--I'm in the RS presidency, too!

Don't all the sisters out there realize how flawed and stupid I am as I'm sitting up here, picking my nose?

(Well, okay, I haven't picked my nose yet, but I'm seriously considering it for this upcoming Sunday.)

Anonymous said...

HEY! Husband who left that "re: boob jobs" comment?

Would you please come over and talk to my husband? He thinks a boob job would be GREAT!

Personally, I don't see what's so wrong with small and saggy.

Anonymous said...

I don't have any secrets to share that haven't already been shared by someone else. Depression, issues with my religion, old boyfriends, being a bad mom, yada, yada, yada... So why do we all hide our true selves from each other? Couldn't we be helping each other instead?

Anonymous said...

I am a dietition in my head all of the time, even though really I'm just a mom. When I see overweight people I am always giving them tips and advice in my own brain. I want to tell them to stop eating animals and dairy. When will people get that it's so much better and healthier? The creatures are here for us when we need them. When was the last time you were in a famine? Really.
Anyway, that's what I want to say but I don't. I guess that's why I still have friends.

Anonymous said...

I just want to kiss Joe.

Anonymous said...

I wish boob-commenting-husband was my husband.

Anonymous said...

I only pretend to read this blog so that I can impress my friends.

Actually, I've never been here.

Hollywood said...

I knew it! The secret agenda of this post was to get you to admit you're a Hollywood Flakes poser. Although I have to say, I'm tickled that you think telling your friends you read this blog impresses them. So what keeps you busy instead? Tai Chi? Bird watching? Reading my nemesis' blog, Dooce?

Anonymous said...

I love Dooce.

Anonymous said...

Wow, what a read! The only comment I want to make in response to all of this is...

If you think the person in your ward isn't doing their calling "well enough", go ahead and ask the Bishop if you can take over...otherwise zip it and be grateful that it isn't you up there. RS will only be as good as you want it to be. If it "sucks" then that probably means that you aren't doing anything to help make it better - so technically, it's your fault!

I'm not making these comments as if I have a RS calling, because I don't. I just hate it when people think they are better than the ones serving them...nothing could be uglier!

Anonymous said...

Oh, I don't know. Have you ever seen a mentally-retarded cow? Or unidentifiable roadkill? Or any celebrity without make-up and a air-brush artist to smooth away imperfections?

Now, that's uuuuugly.

People doing what people do best: assuming the worst and expecting things to get better without any effort on their part?

That's more...oh, sad. *sniff*

Anonymous said...

What is "Dooce?"

I think I'm afraid of it.

Anonymous said...

I looked in 2 online dictionaries and could not find "Dooce". I am culturally illiterate; please define.

Hollywood said...

Dooce is what I hope to be someday (along with most other mom-bloggers). She fully supports her family off her blog and is an incredible writer (dooce.com). I don't always like the content and she's pretty salty, but you can't deny she's got talent.

Anonymous said...

I have a blog. The women who snub me at church and socially have blogs. I thought this would be the magic Xanadu to open up dialogue and make some good friends and a chance for them to see the real ME.......I left comments and NONE of them returned the favour and I continue getting ignored. Only this time both in person and in cyberspace.

Wow. Maybe alienating people is the hidden talents that the scriptures refer to.

Arugula Queen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I obsess over my blog/blogs. I love comments and derive self-worth from them. I think about quitting every day because I die a little inside every time I type out "LOL! Your Kid Is So Cute" at mommy blogs I feel obligated to read because they're a faithful commenter.

Anonymous said...

When people anonymously leave plates of cookies and baked goods on our doorsteps at the holidays as a gesture of goodwill I always throw them away. ALWAYS!

Anonymous said...

I have a very low tolerance for excessively whiny people......and yet I attract them like rednecks to mullets.

Anonymous said...

I not only pick my nose I also flick the boogers. Yeah, I'm a booger flicker. I find targets to aim it at. If ever they add Mucous Archery to the Olympics, I'm in!

Anonymous said...

Blogs can be profitable?

What?

And here I thought this was yet another time-wasting hobby and addiction of mine...yeah. Actually, that's all it is and all it ever will be for me.

How does Dooce make her money, anyway? I didn't see any ads. If she is a hit-man-for-hire, I was unable to find that link...

Anonymous said...

Hollywood,

are you a hit-man-for-hire? 'cause if you are, I've a job for you. (But what does assassination have to do with blogging? I'm confused)

-love, anon.

Anonymous said...

To the so-called "dietition," I am in my first trimester of pregnancy and very nauseous, and the ONLY thing that somewhat abates the nausea and gives me enough strength to live and take car of my family is eating animal and dairy products. So be careful about your preachiness. Also, I went to a health seminar with a REGISTERED dietitian who said that for years she avoided red meat, but lately she had learned that eaten IN MODERATION that lean cuts of red meat are one of the best sources of iron and protein. I'm sure you know, but non-vegetarians HATE it when vegetarians get all preachy, especially when it is unwarranted (i.e. meat in small amounts can actually be good for you).

Anonymous said...

To the blogger who is so angry that everyone is snubbing you: First of all, WHO CARES? Why would you even want to be friends with such mean people? Second, GET OVER YOURSELF. That is my main gripe with blogging. It is all about "ME, ME, ME." The rest of your comment was pretty self-centered too. Maybe if you start thinking of someone else who might be lonely and need your help or company, you could develop some true friendships not based on high school popularity type rules.

Anonymous said...

Regarding meat...it isn't actually the best source of protein, the egg is. Then it is dairy products, then soy products, then meat...so there you have it! I don't know why your RD didn't know this bit of info. I'm an RD as well.

As for nausea, the only thing that helped me with "morning" sickness was to quit taking my prenatal vitamin. Crazy, huh, but it worked. It won't hurt the baby to stop taking it, either. It may hurt you, but not the baby. Your baby will take all the nutrients "it" needs from you (like the true parasite "it" is)!

Anonymous said...

Trust me, I figured the prenatal vitamin thing out years ago, since it makes me vomit even when I'm NOT pregnant (I took it when trying). Also, this is my 7th pregnancy, during some of which I have been on my deathbed with vomiting. I would be pretty careful about thinking that doing one small thing (cutting out prenatals) is a cure all for every woman.

The RD did not say that meat was the best form of protein, she just said that it has a bad reputation that isn't always warranted if one is careful about it. She said that after years of abstaining from it completely, she had decided to add it back into her diet once a week for iron purposes. She also said that cutting out an entire food group makes it harder to obtain balanced nutrition, meaning, that if you COMPLETELY cut out meat that you have to try much harder to get good protein and iron from other sources. I really question anybody who doesn't take a balanced approach to nutrition. And were you the one who just said to cut out meat and dairy entirely, and then went on to say that it dairy is the second best source of protein? hmmmmm... I am hoping not.

Anonymous said...

I have naughty dreams about famous people all the time. My husband thinks its hilarious, he just wishes he could get in on it. sometimes women in rs make such random comments that i feel so embarrassed for them i can only stare at my feet. i try not to comment in rs because i would be so embarrassed i could only stare at my feet. i too think my kids deserve a better mother than me. we have more cc debt than you can shake a stick at and it's all my fault.

man i feel so liberated... thanks hollywood. i always hear that part from mannequin where the character named hollywood says hollyyyyywooood in a really high pitched voice. that's how i say it in my head every time....

Anonymous said...

Nope, I wasn't the one that said to cut out dairy, etc. Nor did I imply that cutting out the vitamin would help you or every other pregnant and nauseated woman out there. I just said that it helped ME.

For the most part, I think that most die-hard vegetarians out there aren't in it for the nutrition factor, they are in it for the respect of life - which includes animals. I promise, there are many ways to get your iron in. I'm vegetarian and have never been low on iron, even through my whole pregnancy! But again, everyone is different. Different ideas, beliefs, bodies, that is what makes this world so great!

Anonymous said...

To the commenter above:
Yeah, blogging IS an egotistical thing. Why would anyone presume that other people would care about Pookie's first haircut or that you're trying out a new diet plan? And yet even lame bloggers with nothing to say find some sort of audience too.

It's the voyeuristic aspect.

Anonymous said...

I only go to church because I feel obligated to my children that they get a proper spiritual foundation. If it was up to me, I'd never go back.

Anonymous said...

I am not a Mormon, but sometimes I really wish I was.

More than anything in the world, I want to be married. In my group of friends, this is a socially unacceptable thing to say, so I keep it a secret. I am supposed to be single and fabulous. I am fabulous, but I think I'd be happier if I weren't single.

Anonymous said...

To the comment above, If you want to get married than you should. If you want to be mormon go to mormon.org. I dont think that you should listen to your friends, just follow your heart.

Anonymous said...

As for the codependency on friends...you have to see the bigger picture. Ask yourself if these people are going to be permanent fixtures in your life.

Don't get me wrong I have a couple who are very close to me, but you should never have to change yourself for truly good friends. They love you and accept you as you are.

Props to you for wanting to be different. Pursue that.

Anonymous said...

Wow, it is amazing how mean people can get when going under the anonymous persona. Are we all just really mean people that keep it under wraps for social reasons?

Also, with all of the hard-edged advice, people are so quick to take offense. I admit to sticking through this whole thing for curiosity's sake, but all of the negativity is getting a little old. Enough with the meanness.

Anonymous said...

Amen to that! Hate is so completely anti-productive. I'm not saying we don't all experience it, but wow, let's not wallow in it either.

Anonymous said...

No! We arent all mean! I've been reading this thinking, "I used to be mean like that when I was a young mom" but I really am not mean any more. I have plenty of problems, but being mean isn't one of them. Anyone else out there who is really nice?

Anonymous said...

(crickets chirping)

Anonymous said...

Anonymous meanies sting a little less than hearing it from people you know. You can walk away from this and you never have to know who anonymous was.

Anonymous told me to get over myself. I think anonymous is probably absolutely correct. :)

Anonymous said...

I'm nice.

Anonymous said...

You are nice! There, does that make me nice, too? :)

Anonymous said...

I think that everyone takes everything too seriously.

So stop.

No more seriousness.

Anyone want a knock-knock joke?
You start.

Anonymous said...

Knock, knock...

Anonymous said...

Who's there?

Anonymous said...

I am obsessed with Edward from the Twilight books! I am also a happily married mother of two!:)

Anonymous said...

WHO'S THERE?!?!?

Anonymous said...

Tank

Anonymous said...

Tank who?

Anonymous said...

You're welcome!

Anonymous said...

wow...why does everyone hate rs?

Can't I love my husband with every fiber of my being without s*x?

Anonymous said...

Wow. Almost 200 comments.

Anonymous said...

Just 4 more.

Anonymous said...

Come on... Just 3 more.

Anonymous said...

2 more. Anyone?

Anonymous said...

Ugghhh. Come on people, Just one more.

Anonymous said...

Yay! 200 comments!

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