January 1, 2007

Starting Over- It's Just Simply That

I'm happy announce my first monthly blog-exchange. I was paired with the marvelous Vicky and we are cross posting for the day (I post on hers, she posts on mine, got it?). Here is a great piece for the new year that she wrote. She's a fantastic writer, enjoy!

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Starting Over- It's Just Simply That

I walked in the front door and didn’t turn on any lights. By the small light of the kitchen stove I made myself a Fluffer-nutter sandwich and sat atop the counter to eat it. My mother walked in and looked me over. I think she asked me how the night went and I replied, “I feel like I’ve just been through a war.” Depleted, exhausted beyond any measure I had ever known, barely able to muster the energy to chew. Maybe it was more like the end of a very long marathon.

Group. Therapy. I had just come from my first session of group therapy. No longer able to go to the store alone without panicking, pump my own gas, or sleep through the night without stacking boxes in front of my bedroom door, my 20-year old self was on the verge. That’s what abuse can do. It makes you hit rock bottom. One thing though about that place called rock bottom? From there all you really can do is look up. So while I felt like utter loss and destruction had wracked my tiny body I knew I was on the cusp of starting over. From where I was there could only be better things right?

Group therapy was like renewing my license to live. I could talk freely about the last five years and not be judged. I could hear much worse stories and situations than my own. I could also palpably feel the sense of pervading hope that gave me the strength to start taking my life back. To walk down a path, try a new school far away, to sleep through an entire night and know peace. That sense of starting over had me skipping down the sidewalk some days and others cowering in a corner in tears at how hard it really was turning out to be. Looking back now I do see myself rising up like Scarlett O’Hara in those fields and knowing I would never be that girl again. I am stronger, more resilient; I laugh harder and longer, and know the value of taking charge and care of my own life. Gaining the strength to truly start over was the best and hardest thing that ever happened to me. It’s never too late to do so.

Vicky, a freelance writer, is throwing corporate life away this month and starting over. She will be staying home with her one daughter and writing full time. Read her daily adventures in life and blogging at The Mummy Chronicles. www.themummychronicles.blogspot.com

12 comments:

drainey said...

cross-posting? Is that like cross-dressing? Cause, I liked things the way they were. JK I actually went to vicky's blog and found things worth reading there. So thanks for the shake-up a little change is good.

The Bizarre Jokester said...

Happy New Year! May this year be happy, successful and prosperous for you :)

K said...

kudos to you for sharing this and going.

The Fat Lady Sings said...

I understand your situation quite well. Though you aren’t specific as to the cause - let me recommend the blogging equivalent of group therapy. It's a site called 'Motherless' (http://www.themotherless.com/); a place where demons can be slain with the touch of a pen. I contribute there - as do many others striving to overcome sometimes desperate odds. Good luck, my dear. You can make it through - take my word; I know this from experience.

Mumsy said...

Uh, I come to Hollywood Flakes to get YOU, dahling. I can surf other blogs you recommend by checking your precious margins. Please give us SarahSpeak in your main page.

Sarah said...

Vicky, meet my mom. She's a real charmer.

Kate said...

Good luck in taking the leap. I'm still stuck - and will be for quite some time - in the corporate world, so I'm totally jealous. Enjoy! What a great decision, since I see you're a talented writer.

Alex Elliot said...

Wow! Thanks for sharing and good luck with your writing.

Vicky said...

Well, THANK YOU to everyone that read my little contribution! Your words of encouragement and praise mean so much as today I am giving my corporate world notice!

Mayberry said...

Good luck today -- you can certainly draw inspiration from your own ability to start over.

amanda said...

NO WAY!! I just got the Peanut Butter and Co. recipe book for Christmas, and I read the recipe for a "fluffer-nutter sandwich" only 2 minutes before reading this post. And before that I had never heard of it my life. I love coincidences like that. BTW, a fluffer-nutter sandwich is peanut butter and marshmallow fluff. I'll have to try it.

Jenn said...

wow - stirring post. enjoy and savour all the changes!