From the Vault
I've recently found some of my old journals and couldn't resist sharing a few tidbits with you from 1995 when I was 15. I was a real gem.
To me, these journals are painfully compelling to read through. I really don't remember being as emotionally insane as most of my entries indicate. And yes, my life did seem to revolve around boys. Alas, my teenage self would be shocked to know how typical she was. Poor girl.
Here I am being "unique":
8-7-95: Today was the start of tennis tryouts. The only reason I was trying out was because mom said she would pay me if I did. Then I found out that she also wanted me to be on the team. I bailed. I told her before that I didn't want to be on the team but she said that I should tryout just for the fun. Then she said today she wasn't going to pay me unless I took tennis in school [next year]. What a moron. So when it came time after lunch to go back to the courts I told her I wasn't going to try out... . She told me I should go anyway. The problem was I am too stubborn and she is too, so it was stalemate. Well this time I was determined to get my way so I just didn't get in the car. Well what could she do to me? Nothing! Ahh, the power. She said she wasn't leaving until I got in the car. Not my problem. I just went and hid in [my sister's] closet until she came ranting through the house looking for me. Finally she gave up. After I was sure she was gone I came out and found a nasty note on my bed. Like I care.
To me, these journals are painfully compelling to read through. I really don't remember being as emotionally insane as most of my entries indicate. And yes, my life did seem to revolve around boys. Alas, my teenage self would be shocked to know how typical she was. Poor girl.
Here I am being "unique":
Sometimes for a thrill I walk down the school hall on the "wrong side." When the halls are crowded, people come at me, get a really confused look on their face, and move to the other side. The fact that I am throwing them off their worn track scares them. It's great fun.
And dabbling in youthful rebellion:
And the classic:
Gee, I wonder why?
4-24-95: [My orchestra teacher] caught me drawing on the stands with a white out marker. He told me that my punishment was the label all the stands "HPHS Orchestra." Well I really don't like the man so all the stand now read "Ach-pee-ach-ess Orchestra."
7-95: It's silly how early my curfew is. Midnight is when I wake up! I stayed at [a friend's] house till 2:00 am then decided I needed to face my parents. I was really scared they would eat me or something. I got home and all the lights were out - my parents must have been asleep. Thank goodness. I haven't seen them yet this morning but I woke up at 7:00 just to prepare myself for their probable wrath.
6-19-95: Well, [church girl's camp] did suck. Our leader ended up going home 1/2 way through camp because she hated us so much. The truth is, the lady just doesn't know how to handle teenagers. Mom said she is never going to send me or [my sister] back to that camp again. Somehow we always manage to run off the leaders.
And the classic:
5-26-96: Nobody asked me to prom.
Gee, I wonder why?
Comments
Your school ID is cute!! I haven't seen mine in years...good thing too because I was sooo awkward!
Your picture is cute! Can't believe you still have it, but cute!
Now we know (for sure) why we like you so much. You were a conmitted ousider your entire life. Too cool for most of your peers, ehhh? :)
Sometimes I wish I could be that young again.
You were way "cooler" than me in high school-- I was afraid to LOOK at anyone while walking down the hall, much less recklessly bump into people on purpose.
These entries are so embarrassing to me - I really thought I was revolutionary and creating my own path but I look at them now and am so grateful that I ended up a stay at home mom who's idea of rebelling is not rinsing the dishes before loading them. Walking on the wrong side of the hall isn't all it's cracked up to be. Mostly it just takes longer to get where you are going.
I love the originality of the "Ach-pee-ach-ess Orchestra." I hope the teacher thought it was cool. lol
I'll take you as a teenager any time, dearie. You were a peach in my book.
Just for fun, let's imagine what my nasty note might have said,
"Sarah, I am so disappointed in you. You are so coordinated and I need a hitting partner. Why would you abandon me? Don't you realize I'm forcing you to try out for ME and not for YOU? Who will I hit with in my old age? I guess you'll just need to marry someone who would actually be willing to play. Someone...."
But wait! You DID turn into a player and so did Adam, and I am happy after all (like you care...)!
Shudder. Doesn't mean I like reading them though. I went through a lot of my 19 year old stuff and had a hard time not just sending it all to the recycle bin.
If it makes you feel any better, Honestly? I thought you were LOADS of cool back then. I mean, you had a car that had both Rancid and Ella Fitzgerald tapes in it, not to mention enough snacks, dishes, and spare clothes to allow a family of three to survive in wilderness for AT LEAST two weeks.
It sounds like a lot of people have gotten rid of their old journals - I just can't make myself do it. I'm pretty sure I won't let my kids read them until they are past their teenage years (maybe even later) but something about throwing away something that personal just doesn't jive with me.
Draino - it wasn't Nunez. It was that geeky guy who was dating Alison Tobin. And no, he didn't think my fancy speling was cool.
My my typical teenage angst it seems.
I love re-reading old journals because it reminds me to be more patient with my teenage kids. To give them an explanation sometimes and not just say, "Because I said so!" To tell them I am sorry when I am wrong or lose my temper or act just like I was their age. And to stop spinning my adult wheels and take a ride with them once in awhile.
When I was called to YW I looked the Bishop straight in the face and said, "This is Kharma. It's my turn, I always knew my time would come. I need to take it like I dished it."
I've got one too. Go to www.benac.com/barbguitar.jpg to see yer ol' mutther as a cool 15-year old. Go ahead: I dare you!