Laboring Away

So I guess I'm in labor. Big, huge, painful contractions comin' at ya from L.A.. But it's almost 10 pm and the last thing I want is to wake up my kid, take her to the neighbors, drive 45 minutes to the Birth Center, stay up until 4 am and then just have to come home because my body finks out again. How long am I supposed to wait to go to the hospital? I guess I could just walk around inside a trash bag and wait for my water to break before going but that just sounds like a hassle.

Is it too late to give Spike a crash course on home delivery? Smile at Wife. Catch Baby. Cut the Stringy Thing. Pay for College.

Here are my birth predictions:

I'm planning on going natural again. I predict I don't. I simply didn't practice enough the self-hypnosis method I used last time to manage the pain. Why, oh why didn't I practice? Maybe it will pull through for me but more likely not.

I think the baby will be a blonde. And a boy. We'll have to name him Spartacus or something like that. I have no clue what to name a girl so let's hope it's a Spartacus.

I predict it's going to be at least an hour of pushing. It's three hours better than last time so trust me, I'm being optimistic.

I predict no matter what happens I'll give a glowing report of the whole gruesome experience because despite the gory details, childbirth is in fact, completely incredible. I can't wait to do it again. I'm being serious here. Yes, I know I'm a total schizophrenic.

Lucky you, you get the play by play. But seriously, these contractions HURT!

P.S. In case this is a false alarm, I'll be too embarrassed to blog until after the baby comes so you'll never know I was wrong AGAIN. In other words, for all intents and purposes, this is the real deal.