March 28, 2007

Laboring Away

So I guess I'm in labor. Big, huge, painful contractions comin' at ya from L.A.. But it's almost 10 pm and the last thing I want is to wake up my kid, take her to the neighbors, drive 45 minutes to the Birth Center, stay up until 4 am and then just have to come home because my body finks out again. How long am I supposed to wait to go to the hospital? I guess I could just walk around inside a trash bag and wait for my water to break before going but that just sounds like a hassle.

Is it too late to give Spike a crash course on home delivery? Smile at Wife. Catch Baby. Cut the Stringy Thing. Pay for College.

Here are my birth predictions:

I'm planning on going natural again. I predict I don't. I simply didn't practice enough the self-hypnosis method I used last time to manage the pain. Why, oh why didn't I practice? Maybe it will pull through for me but more likely not.

I think the baby will be a blonde. And a boy. We'll have to name him Spartacus or something like that. I have no clue what to name a girl so let's hope it's a Spartacus.

I predict it's going to be at least an hour of pushing. It's three hours better than last time so trust me, I'm being optimistic.

I predict no matter what happens I'll give a glowing report of the whole gruesome experience because despite the gory details, childbirth is in fact, completely incredible. I can't wait to do it again. I'm being serious here. Yes, I know I'm a total schizophrenic.

Lucky you, you get the play by play. But seriously, these contractions HURT!

P.S. In case this is a false alarm, I'll be too embarrassed to blog until after the baby comes so you'll never know I was wrong AGAIN. In other words, for all intents and purposes, this is the real deal.

16 comments:

Clyde said...

We'll keep you and your little one in our prayers, you just push the thingy out :)

PS: I think you're having a boy too, so our middle name suggestion: Maximus Aurelius

Holly said...

Go Sarah! I'm with you, I love childbirth. People think I'm nuts, but whatever. It's great. AND being a patient at a hospital means all the attention is on you (for a day or 2 then not again til you have another kid)! yay for you! Good luck.

AzĂșcar said...

Wish to be joining you shortly!

Toni said...

1st time went natural- pushed 3 hours!

2nd time- wonderful prince epidural- push 10 minutes.

I would take the drugs any day! But that's me! Good luck, hope you have a safe and wonderful delivery!

Jared, Melissa, & soon Lindsey said...

Mel's starting too. They are every 20 minutes apart, so it sounds like you are a little bit ahead. She has sweet innocent naivity to protect her. Lot's of luck.

Lindsay said...

Good luck Sarah! Here's hoping little Sparticus makes an appearance sooner rather than later. :)

Basic Black with Pearls said...

So THIS is how your own mother finds out you're in labor? Call me, you sweet little thing, you!

Kristine said...

Weirdly enough, I had a dream about you having a baby boy this morning between 3 and 4...of course I had to check here at 7am, my time...no word yet...hoping for a good, quick labor.

Bek said...

Wow... good luck.

If it is a boy and he just doesn't look like a Sparticus, you can always call him Skeletor....

Claiborne said...

Yay for Baby Flake! I'm so excited! Send all details as soon as possible!

Love and prayers from SC...

The Wiz said...

Here's hoping it's the real deal!!!

Jill said...

Hooray!

Adrienne said...

Sarah. You're driving me batty. Have this kid already, GAH!

Seriously, thinking happy, pain-free thoughts for you out here in Indiana.

Samantha said...

Um...could you share some of your self hypnosis methods with me? I'm serious. I don't think I have any idea what I'm in for.

Melissa said...

Yeah!! Here's hoping for the real deal this time!!

s'mee said...

first: there is nothing natural about labour,delivery, or birth...
second: self hypnosis via Evelyn Wood: bang your head on a hard surface while repeating to your self, "Never again, never again..."
third: you think the birth is gruesome, gory and incredible...wait 'till you get the bill!

fourth: yup, it's worth it when you see little Spartacus or perhaps Euphonia...how's *that* for a name!