Talking Politics

You guys want to talk politics? Fine. Let's talk politics.

Let's talk about the endless phone calls I get from political campaigns during election season trying to make me promise to give them my vote after a 10 second schpiel about how well their candidate brushes his teeth.

Let's talk about how my government pays farmers to grow crops that will rot in the fields but has no qualms whatsoever about making me dish out $4.50 for a pint of Ben & Jerry's ice cream.

Let's talk about how I still can't get over the similar spelling of "Obama" and "Osama" and somehow it makes me like the poor guy from Illinois less.

Let's talk about the protesters who've been convening on the corner across from my local soda fountain every week since American entered Iraq with signs to "Honk for Peace." I haven't had an ice cream sundae in peace ever since. Who's honking for me?

Let's talk about how I can't help imagining I've been cast in a B horror movie where Arnold Schwarzenegger is governor of my state. Wake up, Hollywood! Wake up!

Let's talk about how even though we have the DOD, CIA, FBI and CTU, women are still walking around in broad daylight wearing spandex leggings.

Let's talk about my tax dollars that paid for big, yellow trucks to come to our street two weeks ago, tear out all the sidewalks, and leave.

Let's talk about the reasoning behind distributing safari hats to all our postal workers. Is there something the general population isn't being told? Lions lurking at the mail boxes? Do I need a hat too?

Let's talk about the mandatory $4.65 "Federal Subscriber Line Charge" I pay every month on my phone bill so my government can afford to tap my line at any time. Can you hear me now?

Let's talk about my master plan to not only hijack an airplane with nail clippers, but to then take down Communist China with a bottle opener.

Discuss.