April 6, 2007

Talking Politics

You guys want to talk politics? Fine. Let's talk politics.

Let's talk about the endless phone calls I get from political campaigns during election season trying to make me promise to give them my vote after a 10 second schpiel about how well their candidate brushes his teeth.

Let's talk about how my government pays farmers to grow crops that will rot in the fields but has no qualms whatsoever about making me dish out $4.50 for a pint of Ben & Jerry's ice cream.

Let's talk about how I still can't get over the similar spelling of "Obama" and "Osama" and somehow it makes me like the poor guy from Illinois less.

Let's talk about the protesters who've been convening on the corner across from my local soda fountain every week since American entered Iraq with signs to "Honk for Peace." I haven't had an ice cream sundae in peace ever since. Who's honking for me?

Let's talk about how I can't help imagining I've been cast in a B horror movie where Arnold Schwarzenegger is governor of my state. Wake up, Hollywood! Wake up!

Let's talk about how even though we have the DOD, CIA, FBI and CTU, women are still walking around in broad daylight wearing spandex leggings.

Let's talk about my tax dollars that paid for big, yellow trucks to come to our street two weeks ago, tear out all the sidewalks, and leave.

Let's talk about the reasoning behind distributing safari hats to all our postal workers. Is there something the general population isn't being told? Lions lurking at the mail boxes? Do I need a hat too?

Let's talk about the mandatory $4.65 "Federal Subscriber Line Charge" I pay every month on my phone bill so my government can afford to tap my line at any time. Can you hear me now?

Let's talk about my master plan to not only hijack an airplane with nail clippers, but to then take down Communist China with a bottle opener.

Discuss.

41 comments:

Toni said...

OMG! You are on a roll today, aren't you?

Jill said...

What is up with the sidewalks? I hope something splendid and worth all the trauma is on the way. That sidewalk thing has been going on for a long time.

Julie P said...

That was good! Ditto on the Osama/Obama. And don't forget the gov paying farmers for the milk of their cows that gets wasted, too, when the farmers shoot the cows up with steroids to make them produce more/too much. Good, huh?

May you have an ice cream in peace. One day.

Adrienne said...

Dude, just stop watching Fox News and that "Obama/Osama" thing will clear right up.

I do like how that's about the only thing the rightwingnuts can come up with to disparage him. That, and the fact that he's trying to quit smoking. His books are pretty good, I'd recommend them.

Lindsay said...

Speaking of the Osama/Obama bit -- do you ever watch the show "30 Rock"? It's fabulous and you should if you don't already. But anyway, there was one episode about a month back that totally played the Osama/Obama problem up. It was HILARIOUS.

Katie said...

I am only a lurker, so you can take this for what it is worth, but if I knew a bully in grade school named Sarah is that a valid reason to decide there must be something wrong with you because your name reminds me of her? You should really dig a little deeper on Obama. You don't have to like him, but at least decide not to like him for a real reason. I really like your blog and you seem like a smart person, but it seems irresponsible to promote this complete non-connection between the two people as if there may be a something to it.

Shannon said...

Sarah, you little lightnight rod, you :) SB

Shannon said...

oops... meant lightning, but lightnight sounds kind of cool...

Adam said...

katie, i can get over the osama/obama thing, but what about the fact that obama's middle name is

HUSSEIN!


how could we trust our country to such name. i mean person.

kidding of course (as was sarah).

chronicler said...

This what happens when women are forced by computers to go over their due dates!

Sarah said...

I went ahead and created a site to clear up any misunderstanding that may have arisen from this post.

WhyObamaCouldntPossiblyBeOsama.blogspot.com

I hope that absolves me of my 1 am, jelly-bean induced, obvious joke.

kaff said...

I'm never going to the mailbox again!! My uncle is a post man, I should ask him about the hats.

s'mee said...

OH MY HECK! I never made that connection before *YOU* brought it up!!! 8- O

I can't vote for him now!

holy crap people, FOX, CBS, NBC, CNBC, KTLA Morning news, DISNEY Radio for kids, Radio Free Europe...heck swing a cat and hit someone who's making that joke.

And, fyi, I used to have a lurker in my neighborhood that really creeped me out, but I won't let that stop me from liking lurkers on a blog.

s'mee said...

Whew! Thanks Sarah! After reading your new political blog, studyig in out in my mind, fasting and praying about the facts, I can now vote for Obama...Wait! If you say his name out loud there is a subliminal message....o BOMB a!

That was a close one.

chronicler said...

don't you love it when commentors hijack the blog? Oh no! I just said hi jack!

Adam said...

sarah, that is the best website ever. oBama in o8 baby!

s'mee said...

I couldn't trust you in 8th grade, this just proves I was right then and now.

Amy said...

The nail clippers thing kills me. I've had some nail clippers in my purse for 5 years and taken them on approximately 40 flights, and never has a TSA agent even blinked. However, I have a really hard time believing the country is any safer now that I've had TSA confiscate my sunscreen, lipgloss, and sippy cup of water.

Lisa M. said...

Land-O-Lakes-

Flakes-

Shall I start on my public education rant?

hum

Talk about a blog jack.

Hi Jack-

*smirk*

Colleen said...

You have my vote for President. Sarah Flake in '08!

Katie said...

OK, OK. It isn't that I don't see the unfortunate name similarities, but being in IL I have to stand up for him. I don't even watch Fox News but they've apparently pushed me to a point desperate enough to leave my secret blog lurking behind and jump into this. Knowing it was jelly-bean induced makes me feel so much better, and a little hungry

Sarah said...

You know I've got nothing but love for you, Katie! Sorry for the fun at your expense but I'm impossibly silly and can never pass up a chance to make more, meaningless websites.

Calidaho said...

I was actually at a meeting the other night where preventing terrorism was the topic (call the police if you see someone drafting maps of your local power station, etc) and the LAPD Detective actually brought up the fact that Obama lived in the Phillipines for a time as a Muslim but came back to the US and converted to Christianity. I just shook my head...the crowd was eating it up!

Calidaho said...

Okay, I just went to your new, politically responsible website and I cried. Haven't laughed like that since Blades of Glory this weekend!!

"It's the B that makes him good" will be up there with "yadda, yadda, yadda" and "Not that there's anything WRONG with that."

Chanel said...

take it from someone who has had some horrible political blogging expereinces, stay clear from this topic! You were just kidding and look where it takes you...so sad. BUT on a good note you created that swwwweet website for oBama, now if you could just send him 25 dollars b/c he really does brush his teeth the best he'd really appreciate it.

Now onto another subject- YOU! Hello I am suppsoe to not be blogging and all I can think about is, "did hollywood have her baby, better check." You're too good to give up!

Adrienne said...

I like how Chanel calls you "Hollywood." I'm totally calling you that from now on.

I don't know if I'd call your post "talking politics." I'd mostly call that an essay, and it should be titled "Reasons why living in this country sometimes sucks, numbers 11-20."

I can add number 21: People who think the HPV vaccine will turn little girls into sluts. ::shudders::

Jamie J said...

You're hilarious! Thanks for the laugh today!

chronicler said...

Katie, thanks for taking it all in stride.;-) Anything that can get a lurker to delurk can't be all bad.

Now on to that baby!

Adam said...

Adrienee, i am totally with you on that. i mean, i am all for discouraging your children from having premarital relations. but the fear of cancer? you have got to be kidding me. i mean, who seriously thinks that some 16 year old kid is going to make that factor part of their calculus?

Adam said...

i meant adrienne. spelling isn't exactly my strong suite.

s'mee said...

they have a vaccine for calculus???

Jill said...

I'm calling you Hollywood from now on, too.

Sarah said...

Sweet! I'm like that guy on Top Gun!

CACKEL said...

No way, Sarah. Is it possible that 54,525 people have viewed your obama website? I swear that's what it said on the counter when I just checked. This mistake could be your big break!! Maybe Obama will hire you as his new PR assistant or something.

BTW, this one was truly hilarious.

Wendy said...

I don't know you, but my sister sent me a link to your blog and you continue to make me giggle like a fourth-grader.

Susan said...

I can't wait until Keanu gets elected governator.

Janell said...

I thought the counter was shared w/ Hollywood Flakes so reflects the entire combine lifetime of both sites. I had some fun with it and discovered I could easily up that counter by 10,000 without breaking a sweat =) It counts page loads rather than visitors.

Sarah said...

Oh, Janell, don't mess with my pride! I'm happy to report that I have my page counter to only log "unique visits" which means anyone who comes only gets counted once unless them come back after a three hour stretch. I'm actually getting about 400 visitors a day lately. I jealously treasure each one!

Janell said...

Lol, sorry. I am confident that every one of your counter ticks is well earned =)

Sarah said...

Damn straight.

Jeans Pants said...

Wow! Well spoken. I really enjoyed this blog. I will be adding it to my favorites.