May 30, 2007

A Magazine for the Working Mother

A few days ago I saw a copy of "Working Mother" magazine. The cover photo was of a woman wearing a snappy business suit with perfect make up and a cute hair style. She was smiling demurely and had her arm around a cherubic toddler in a J. Crew outfit. The room they were in was straight out of Pottery Barn.

Some of the teasers on the cover were:

Playground Chic: A sneak peek at play spaces of the future

Show Some Skin: Fast fixes for a smoother, sexier you

How one mom dared to find her inner Patsy Cline, and

Find Your Power: How to own it, use it, share it

As an apartment manager, I consider myself a "working mom." However, I found nothing about this magazine that I could relate to. Who reads this nonsense? I can only hope that the editors and writers of this magazine are all men and there isn't really a coalition of women out there who just sit around daydreaming about playgrounds of the future.

I should really start my own magazine for the real "working" mother (my diatribe about how every mom is a working mom will wait for another post). I'd have to name it something pertinent like, "Stinky Nag" or "The Unappreciated" to make sure it even makes it off the shelves.

My cover would sport the following teasers:

10 dinner recipes containing your unused cosmetics

Earplugs Revealed: Which are right for you?

Five overpowering air fresheners to disguise diaper stench

Black is Back: Accentuate your under eye circles

Answering machine messages to reduce callers 95% in a month.

How to make an outfit last an entire week

Take Our Quiz: Are you a martyr or a victim?

Great hiding spots in your very own home

Breast is Best, Bottle is Best-ist-er.

Pretty Pretty Prozac: When the fetal position just doesn't work


Do I have any subscribers?

27 comments:

Amy said...

Does the "How to Make an Outfit Last an Entire Week" article refer to my clothes or my kid's? Or both? I'm totally interested, and yet incurably cheap. Is there a free trial subscription to your magazine?

Amy said...

I've always wanted to be the first comment. Success.

Sarah said...

I too, have been waiting for this day, Amy. I baked a special cake just for the occasion in the shape of your head.

Suzie Petunia said...

This subscription would be free, right? 'Cuz we working mothers are on a budget. Seriously, you should write it and I WOULD buy it.

And I concur that bottle is indeed best-ist-er!

Abby said...

I want in! I have a LOT of unused cosmetics--the fancy kind, from the pre-child, double income days of yore...

Lauri said...

Sign me up! I'll pay for both Amy and myself!

By the way, if you need a model with truly breath-taking under eye circles...

tracy m said...

Here! Here! That would TOTALLY sell!

AzĂșcar said...

Sign me up. Also, I have some articles I've written for inclusion:

10 ways to disguise the baby spit up on a shirt you didn't realize was there until after you started the meeting.

How not to kill people who ask if your baby is 'sleeping through the night yet?'

GPS chips inserted into your toddler: ethical or super-ethical?

Bethany said...

I love the "finding places to hide in your own home" one. I feel like that one applies to more than just working mothers...

Erica said...

Oh my...sign me up as your first subscriber!! This post had me rolling on the floor. Here are a few other suggested topics for your mag:

*Loose the baby weight: Tips on how to get at least two warm bites of your dinner before feeding the rest to a hovering hungry toddler.

*Permanent and sexy LACEY looking lingerie: A new outlook on stretch marks

*10 new ways to pull your hair back and keep it out of your face and out of reach of sticky pudgey fingers.

*The newest Summer scent: Puke de Bebe

Looking forward to the first edition!

Colleen said...

I am so in.

Susan M said...

Who has time to read magazines?

Sarah said...

You guys are hysterical! I love the article suggestions - it looks like I've found myself a few writers for my first edition in Erica and Azucar!

Good point though, Susan, we won't have time to read it. All this genius gone to waste...

Anonymous said...

how about an article on how to survive your 6 yr old son no longer being at school 4 hrs a day.
I want to know who invented summer vacation!!!!
-moddy

Rachel said...

I'll subscribe!

Heffalump said...

How about:
Grocery Shopping: How to make it your ultimate ME time.
Widescreen or Fullscreen?:Choosing the right babysitter for you.
On the Menu: Leave no trace snacks for toddlers.
Manipulation: How to encourage Grandparents to babysit.
I think someone should make a cover for the premier issue so we can all get a taste.

Sarah said...

I'm way ahead of you, Heffalump. I'm going to take the best of you guys' suggestions and do a cover in a post for Saturday.

Widescreen or fullscreen - pure genius!

Th. said...

.

You could print it on recycled diapers!

Jamie J said...

Sarah, that was pure genius! I am cracking up right now! I love everyone else's suggestions too! I'll subscribe!

Concerned Father said...

eeesh. What is a father supposed to do to keep the insanity to a minimum at the home? I guess we could all get RVs and become nomadic hunter gatherers. But who knows what other problems that could cause.

Melissa said...

Sounds like a good plan to me... where can I sign up :)

s'mee said...

kill two brids with one stone and just print it on diapers and pull ups.

Adam said...

don't forget about that perrenial favorite:

alienating your husband within 4.3 minutes after he gets home from work.




just kidding babe, you know i love you

Jenny said...

As a not working mother, this still applies. Maybe a suggested title could be Survival Mode?

You're right, we wouldn't have time to read it. You might as well just skip actually writing the articles and go for just a front and back cover.

Holly said...

Thanks for this post. Hilarious & so, so true. You really should start it up, you have a knack for writing. and look at all your subscribers!

Mrs. M said...

I want in.

Janell said...

Thinking about this, such a magazine would have to be water-resistant.