July 19, 2007

Hoop Dreams

I couldn't quite figure out what was wrong. Something was different, but what? I looked closely at my three month old daughter lying there on the bed. She burbled happily at me and luxuriated in her freshly changed diaper. Diaper. That was it it! Cher's diapers don't have zebra pictures on them...

I had unwittingly put my 2 1/2 year old's diaper on my three month old but the freaky thing was, it fit perfectly! Cher is turning out to be massive. At three months, she is quickly approaching the weight of my toddler. We enjoyed only one week of dressing her in 0-3 month clothes. The next two months we squeezed her into the 3-6 month onesies, and now I find myself having to dig out the box of 6-12 month attire to accommodate her massive proportions. I'm expecting her voice to change any day now.

After my first baby turned out to be a wispy waif, I secretly hoped my future children would have a bit more substance to them. Not that I don't think my elven child is beautiful, but when she gets sick and loses a few pounds it looks likes I'm running a concentration camp. Pixie never had an ounce of extra fat and you can count each and every one of her tiny bones through her thin skin. I've been known to break fragile objects and so she worries me.

This second baby knew what she had to do. At her two month appointment the growth chart showed Cher's height marked way off the top of the graph. She'll be dunking on her dad in a few more years. I'm a mere 5'4" so when my massive child is clinging to my neck it is sometimes confusing to passerbys who is holding who. Once when I was holding her in my lap feeding her a bottle, my husband remarked that we looked like the Pieta sculpture. She's that big. As the mother who worried about her first child wasting away to dust, her size is exhilarating.

My husband is most excited about the prospect of Cher becoming a professional athlete. She's got WNBA written all over her. Admittedly, this is partially because her head is the size of a basketball and she's currently partial to women, but the height thing can't hurt either. Like most fathers, Spike is obsessed with the idea that one of our children strike it rich and support us through our golden years. Thanks to our long infant, his excitement over this idea has reached fever pitch.

Cher is making development leaps as well. She was happily weaned from breast feeding at two months and has been rolling since then as well. I refuse to accept that a two month old can roll and so continue to put her on beds and couches unattended. Every time she has rolled off I've called it a fluke but I don't know how many more bumps that big head of hers can take. I've got to be more careful to take care of our cash cow. Spike would never forgive me if I damaged his new retirement plan.

20 comments:

Amy said...

I love that you both know what the Pieta sculpture is and refer to it in common conversation. I'm way dumber than you...and so's my husband.

citymama1 said...

Yeah for massive babies. I'm growing one of my own.

Adum said...

amy, your comment is the best. it makes me feel so erudite. and yes, i did just have to look up how erudite is spelled, if that makes you feel any better. as for the Peita, she's more like the Peita crossed with Head from "So I Married an Axe Murderer." Nothing like mixing your Renaissance references with 90's pop culture references. And yes, I did just have to look up how renaissance is spelled. and pop. and culture.

Adum said...

apparently i should have looked up how to spell pieta, too. oops

emma jo said...

How is it fair that a short blogging hiatus has returned you to us even funnier and more entertaining than before? Were you just saving saving saving until you couldn't contain the talent any more? Average people like me should despise people like you but you are just too funny and likeable, we average people have only and average amount of self control and can't help ourselves.

Sarah said...

Wow, Emma Jo! I should make fun of my poor, precious children more often!

the wiz said...

My first child was massive. We called her the Michelin Man. The fact that she was a girl didn't bother us in the least. It was my second daughter that looked like a refugee. Seriously. Her poor little ribs.

But now they're both skinny. So Charlotte might just thin out after all, but that's OK for the WNBA, right? Just not the WNFL? (which I fully know does not exist but who knows?)

Kerri said...

Dylan starting wearing the same size diaper as Tyler around 4 months or so, too. He probably could have worn them earlier, but I refused to believe it and continued to let him burst out of his size 2 and 3's. It has been nice to only have to worry about buying one size for the two of them, though!

amelia bedelia said...

All right, here's your challenge: I used to babysit a little boy that at 6 months wore a size 6 diaper. No joke. We used to joke that if he grew anymore then he'd have to graduate to the Depends sizes :) Think Charlotte can beat that?

Lindsay said...

Wow, I'm just waiting for the day that my skinny 3 week old baby boy fits his newborn-sizes diapers so that his pee stays inside them.

Melissa said...

My oldest was one of the massive. We called him "Super Chunk" or "Bubba". Both names my mother-in-law hated. I would like to say that we stopped using them when we found out she didn't like them, but that would be a lie...

Heffalump said...

Rolling over at two months is possible. My oldest was actually crawling at four months and walking at 8 months (as in more that ten steps at a time).
I was a big baby, but all of my babies have been small, and my boys are for the most part a little on the short side.

Samantha said...

I like how you so nonchalantly mention that your daughter has rolled off of things many a time. I like to imagine a gigantic baby bumping her head on the floor and not caring at all.

I also like how you used that sculpture.

My baby is 2 weeks old now and doesn't fit into anything except preemie stuff. And she was 5 days overdue. I know she'll get bigger but WHEN?

Julie said...

Hey Sarah! This is your cousing Julie Chambers Tracy :) How are you? Love your blog! I check it out frequently. My sister-in-law told me about it. My 3 month old is chubby but my first was massive, however, the chub has worn away. Such a cute family! Mind if I link your blog to mine? Our friends just talked us into starting our own and I have to say it's sooooo addicting! Have a great day! Love your cous.
www.tracysplace-jjka.blogspot.com

Julie said...

Yeah so I meant cousin not cousing but whatever.

wynne said...

6 months? Size 6 diaper? What the--?

Are you sure that was a human baby and not an elephant?

melissa said...

And I thought my baby was big--being in the 95%ile range and all. oh well. where's the pics of this chunk of yours anyway?? i'd love to see!! --Jared and Mel Oehring

summershine said...

I honestly wish I would have a petite child.
My children come out 3 months old. My last one was 10 pounds 2 ounces.
I blame my 6 foot 4 inch husband.

amelia bedelia said...

No, he wasn't an elephant child, just a very very cute little boy with lots of rolls. Luckily, his diaper area didn't grow too much (he was able to remain in his size 6s until 2 yrs of age)....I have had 1 good large baby, and 1 petite baby....no difference to me except the preemie baby was SO much easier to push out-heaven compared to being ripped in half with my daughter the large.

Sarah said...

Wow! How crazy that you found me, Julie! Blogging is a strange, strange world. I don't know if it's good or bad that you've gotten mixed up with our lot. I love links, go ahead and link me up, I'll do the same for your cute blog :)

Size 6 diapers at 6 mo? I can't beat that. I didn't even know they made diapers that big! Lucky for you he stopped growing, amelia. I can't even imagine carrying around a kid that big.