September 25, 2007

Contest Schmorgazborg Winners!

As usual, you guys rocked the contests with many clever entries and selecting just one winner for each category made me feel awful, nevertheless, here are what I consider to be the best of the best:

The best comeback for when your two year old tells you she hates you:
"Yeah, well, Santa isn't real." Jessica G.

A fitting campaign slogan for Hillary Clinton's 2008 Presidential run:
"I did not have sex with that woman, either" Jennifer Lee

The most stirring haiku about the inside of your belly button (I almost shed a tear!):
Beige walls, no photos,
Bare ‘round and ‘round, no sofa,
Amenities none.

The reason you are more righteous than everyone else you know:
Susan M because her kids have never told her they hated her. (Really, Susan? I bow at your holy feet!)
Wynne, John Newman, Jessica G., Heffalump and Jennifer Lee are going to hell. Sorry.

The best "yo mama" joke:
"Yo Mama so fat when she sits around the house she sits AROUND THE HOUSE."

Congratulations everyone! My five winners need to send me a note with their mailing address so I can get your mix CDs in the mail. And for all you "L"osers out there, don't worry, I'll have more meaningless contests in the near future so you can get your little hopes up for random prizes again. I promise.


Susan M said...

Yay! I have no idea if they've ever said they hated me or not, but who cares? I won the righteous award!

the wiz said...

My kids have never told me they hated me. GIVE ME A PRIZE!!!!

aubrey said...

drat, i completely forgot about this!...bummer.

Jessica G. said...

WoooHOOooo!! I won! And I'm also going to Hell! Is it anything like Disneyland?

s'mee said...

well there goes my idea for a navel piercing just to spruce up the joint...

Thanks Sarah!

Clyde said...

I taught you'll have a prize/s for the -almost, quasi, kind of, pretty much, who cares- loser/s too... Give me something or I want my pride back.

John Newman said...


I think I just shot Mountain Dew out my nose.

Sarah said...

I'll throw a CD in the mail for you, Clyde. Anyone else out there who can't live without one? Drop me a note with your mailing address and I'll burn an extra copy for you.

Clyde said...

My pride is restored. The (my) world is back to its place. Thanks, Sarah "Ghandi" Flake!

Marie said...

I thought about entering but then I read the responses and was cowed by the utter brilliance. So funny.

You're all winners!

And I'm really curious to hear names of the unusual musical acts Sarah has on her mix CD. Spike Jones? Frank Zappa? Tiny Tim?

wynne said...

LOSER, that's me.

I'm just un-funny. Marie, now, she's funny. You should've entered, Marie. And I'm sure that Sarah wouldn't even have sent you to hell...

Hmm. So, you're offering a CD to anyone, hmm?

Hollywood said...

Seriously. Anyone who wants can have a copy of the CD. I've already got it all made up and it only takes seconds to burn another copy. But stand warned, it is a selection of MY favorite tunes, not yours. Send me a mailing address and I'll stick one in the mail ASAP.