September 17, 2007

Tapas

A few bites of everything today:

When I returned home from my weekend away, my toddler burst into tears and wouldn't let go of my hand for 45 minutes, sobbing all the while. I wasn't sure whether to feel victorious or terrible.
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I'm mad at flight attendants for not adequately preparing us for a real emergency. Who cares about the air masks? I wanted to know how to best prepare man-a-la mode for when we'd be stuck on an island and have to eat each other. Other useful tips would have been how to tie your airplane blanket into a parachute or an overview on world religions so we'd be able to pick who to pray to as we plummeted to our death.
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I'm in search of an old high school friend, Raven Carmen McCullough. If anyone knows where she is, please let me know. She wasn't at the 10 year reunion and I spent most of the night wishing she was.
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While at dinner last week, my father mentioned to the waiter that I was an "L.A. Food Critic." Service was suddenly impeccable. The owner himself waited on us, I got a t-shirt from the restaurant, and my approval of each dish was requested. I tried to tell the owner that I hadn't even written any reviews yet but to no avail. A word to the wise, if anyone else is getting cruddy service at a restaurant, just pull out a little notepad and pencil and make meaningless notes during a meal. Your service will improve.
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I've discovered this new blog and am excited to follow what she writes in the future. She's got my kind of humor so I'm happy to have a reliable laughing place. Don't miss the "spa-ghetto."
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Almost six months since I took down my hummingbird feeders, the little beasts are still fluttering forlornly around my porch. I feel like some tough love is in order - attack them with hairspray? Throw a bucket of glue on them? I wish they'd stop coming and leave my guilt in peace. (I had to take down the feeders because my home got infested with bees who were coming for the sweet drink)
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My lunch today consisted of two heaping spoonfuls of Jiff Creamy Peanut Butter. I've tried the Skippy brand but find it too bitter for my sensitive palate.
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In pursuit of the perfect book to read on the airplane, I scoured the airport book shops, appalled at the the piles of trashy romance and mystery reads that covered the shelves. Finally I saw "Middlesex." It had Oprah's Book Club sticker on it and in my haste to catch my plane, I confused it for George Eliot's 1871 novel, Middlemarch which I've been meaning to reach for quite some time. I happily paid $16 for it. You can imagine my surprise when I opened it up on the plane and found it to be a novel about a cheerful hermaphrodite from Chicago named Cal rather than an idealistic young Victorian woman named Dorothea.
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I'm calling out a few of my lurkers: Sam M. from Maine, Darren L. in North South Carolina and Eva V. - you are hereby commanded to leave a comment to this post that incorporates the words "scrummage" and "harpsichord." Any other lurkers are welcome to take up this challenge, but these three readers in particular are due for a comment.

27 comments:

a darn it said...

i liked this post. it reminded me of a poem my brothers and sisters and i made up when we were little kids. it goes like this:

maud muller, on a summers day
raked the meadow, sweet with hay
she scoured the pots and scrapped the pans
and cremated Sam McGhee.
But I would give all my treasures bright
To watch the woods fill up with snow.
One if by land and two if by sea
much like the old violin.

Angela said...

i burst out laughing when i read about how you bought the book middlesex! maybe it can be your next featured book for the book club, ha ha.

Amber said...

Yay for being such a good mom that you were missed (well- or your hubby didn't do such a great job and your kid was relieved at the sight of you). I'll have to remember the note jotting tip.

Janell said...

Hm. I once was dining by myself at a restaurant, and scribbled on a piece of paper because I had nothing else to do with myself (beside stare at the other patrons). The service was phenomenal. I have wondered if there was a correlation between the two. I'll take it on your word that there was ;)

The Dallas Food Critic said...

You got that shirt for free? Better plug Daddy Jack's, the finest seafood restaurant in Dallas! Get right on down to Lower Greenville for a taste treat you'll never forget. Enjoy the warm ambience of a restaurant where you get good old fashioned personal attention, where the lobster bisque melts your heart, the chunks of sourdough bread could steal the show from the main course, the portobello mushroom salad may just cause you to break down in tears of joy. We did, and we'll never regret it. Oh, and their T shirts are so well designed you'll want to wear them to church!

Dallan said...

Hey don't knock Middlesex...it's actually a terrific book. Much better than that Victorian junk:)

Rachelle said...

Ha-ha-ha-ha.......
Funny, lady you are :))
Glad you are back in one piece, I'm with you about airline safety, so my seat cushion turns into a floatation device, how do I get to the water in one piece?!?!
Slainte~
Rachelle

Sarah said...

Don't worry, Dallan. I'm almost a 100 pages in to the happy hermaphrodite book. The novel won a Pulitzer so I'm game to see what all the fuss is about. I've got to say, I love the way it's written.

coolbeansmama said...

Middlesex is one of my favorite books. I'm glad I read it before Oprah slapped her sticker on it or I would have missed out. I see that sticker and RUN.

Anonymous said...

Sarah - two things. 1. Middlesex is awesome. It can be strange at times, yes, but the writing is amazing. Ginny and I read it together. 2. Darren L. is actually from SOUTH Carolina and he's attached to yours truly. He reads what I forward to him and entered the Star Wars photo contest because it was his element. I'll beg him to write again soon.
(p.s. I'm with you on the reunion - Friday karaoke was way more fun than Saturday's forced conversations).
~ccl

aubrey said...

ooh, i would LOVE to be a food critic and get free food and impeccable service. or just the impeccable service would do. so was middlesex a good book? i need something new to read.

Summer said...

You always make me laugh!

Marie said...

When my parents went on vacation for a couple of weeks, they left the 2-year-old me with my aunt and uncle. I cried for 24 hours, then chose my aunt as my new mother. My mom still gets teary-eyed when she describes the horror of reaching out her arms to me upon her return and getting a blank stare. I cried for my aunt all the way home in the car.

I departed from Adam's brand PB a couple weeks ago as I was craving that really thick texture of the other brands. I got Skippy, and couldn't believe how bad it was. I guess it's true what they say -- choosy spinsters choose Jiff.

Kerri said...

I honestly can't tell the difference between Skippy and Jiff. I guess I should just give up my dream to become your rival food critic.

BootsRfun said...

Hmmm. I like it, but it's missing something. Have you considered more cowbell?

Adrienne said...

I vaguely remember hearing Carmen (Raven? is that really her first name??) was living in... Austin? I think she graduated from Lamar there, so I'm guessing the HP crowd didn't send an invite. Were there any other alums there that started with us but didn't graduate with us?

Suzie Petunia said...

http://www.facebook.com/s.php?q=Raven+McCullough&init=q

Is this your friend?

Suzie Petunia said...

Ok, that link didn't work. But I found a "Raven McCullough" in Kingston, ON when I did a search on Facebook.com

Dallas Food Critic said...

I just checked with the Founder of our Feast, who reports that Daddy Jack's did indeed charge us for the T shirt. But still....

Anonymous said...

I prefer Mittelschmerz to Middlesex and Middlemarch.

-J-Rod

Angela said...

Oh, Sarah, the words of your blog are as melodious to my ears as the early morning strains of a harpsichord.

Elizabeth said...

Is this your friend? Raven Carmen McCullough

Sarah said...

Hmm... the Facebook Raven wasn't her. I've emailed a few other random people on the web with no luck and I'm not sure about Elizabeth's Raven yet. I'll just keep bugging them till I find 'em. Thanks for the tips, guys!

Angela, I happen to hate the sound of a harpsichord above all other instruments so I'm not quite sure how to take you comment...

Good to have you back, J-Rod! Mittelschmerz indeed! You are a funny one.

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

Hahaha! That was funny baout getting the wrong book!!!

I feel sorry for the hummingbirds though :@{ I think they're cute.

BTW, I love peanut butter too, but over here (UK) "Jif" is the name of a bathroom cleaner. Bleagh!

:@}

(the alpacas sent me)

Mousie/Paisible said...

i'm so glad i found your blog...got the address through Rachel ...i had quite a good time reading your posts...mustn't be pleasant to be infested by bees...even if humming birds are cute...i quite agree about the plane, some advices are so useless...never mind, made me laugh, imagining you on the desert no longer desert island, sitting under a palm tree, eating peanut butter with your finger...delicious...and the men looking at each other with hate...each one wanted to have you...so the scrummage was wild, flesh, bones and blood flying everywhere...no one survived...meanwhile the middlesex harmaphrodid was playing the harpsichord to entertain you, you the gorgeous, splendid woman, who got her mobile , dialled a number and asked : Hi Oprah ? can you tell me again your special recipe ? yes, man-a-la-mode ????ok, thanks...and the crabs stood up one brought spices another one carrots, fishes sent oil and onions, a bird got a bottle of palm wine, fresh and delicious...and you all had dinner and a marvellous evening...and you danced the music of the harpsichord being so sweet...you didn't bother about gastronomic critics, that night, you were the guest, the chef, the ...everything...now thanks to you we know paradise exists...
that's extraordinary...
... and if you get a spare plate I'd like to taste man-a-la -mode...whithout peanut butter...thanks...
see you dear, hope i didn't make too many mistakes...i'll come back.
all the best from Mousie from France

s'mee said...

2 comments:

a. Choosey mothers choose Jiff because it has more sugar to bring out all that peanutier taste!

b. yes. yes, in deed! It would be better with more cowbell!

Sue said...

I think if my airplane ever started to crash, I would TOTALLY head for the exit door with some type of - I don't know, plastic tarp. I'd be the one thinking, "I can totally make it."