November 1, 2007

Rules of Engagement: Rings, Gifts, Pictures, etc.

I speak from personal experience here. There is a right way, and a wrong way to go about engagement. You have permission to learn from my mistakes.

1. If you feel you've met your one-and-only, remember to tell your parents you are dating him BEFORE your finace calls your father in the middle of the night to ask your hand in marriage. Otherwise your beloved may hear, "I'll call you back" from your father. My poor dad than made an emergency call to me and said, "uh, honey, I just got a call from a man named Spike..." That was a fun conversation.

2. Do not tell your fiance you just want, "a simple gold band" for an engagement ring until after you've been to a jewelry store and tested your mettle against the salesmen. I went to the jewelry store with my sister to look at rings and when I came home I was sold on a $3,000 diamond after assuring my fiance I wanted nothing to do with the frivolous stones. Boy was he thrilled. He was able to reason with me somewhat, but I still ended up with a rock.

3. Don't forget the little details on engagement picture day. One unruly eyebrow shooting off the top of your face could ruin three entire rolls of film. Klingon weddings are no longer in style. And for heavens sake, no matter WHAT the photographer tells you, do not kiss each other. Nobody wants to see how delicious your lover tastes.

4. When registering for gifts, take care that what you put on the registry reflects your maturing life status. For example, Target has many beautiful wedding items, however just because they sell the book, "Tommie Takes a Tinkle" and you and your finace get a good chuckle out of it, DO NOT put it on the registry. It will result in your parents refusing to tell their friends of your registry and you ending up with 10 toasters on your wedding day.

5. After the ceremony ends, give the wedding certificate to a reliable source for safekeeping. Find someone emotionally impartial like your limo driver or the caterer. Because trust me, if you give it to your mom, you'll never see it again.

6. Put your love to the test. Consider having your fiance teach you a difficult skill to see if you can handle stress together. But make sure you don't go too far. My fiance tried teaching me how to drive a stick shift and the engagement was off as many times as I stalled out in the middle of an intersection. Luckily for all the guests who were planning on attending the wedding, I finally got the hang of it.

8. When the day comes for your finace to buy the engagement ring, do NOT go with. Let him have the chance to find a cubic zirconia stone that looks just like your diamond so that for the rest of your marriage, you will both feel good about your ring. And the answer to, "is this a real diamond" is always "yes." No matter what. As a matter of fact, I bought some real diamond earrings at my dollar store just the other day. Amazing, huh?


What rules have I forgotten?

25 comments:

tracy m said...

Seriously, Sarah! Per normal, you're right on the ball. We went rowing for our thing to do together. It was a DISASTER- to this day, I get steamed thinking about it- but he thought it was great!

I do have a real rock, but he is constantly hounding me to put it in our safe and get a CZ for everyday wear. If I ever do, I'm getting a big honkin ring!

The Wiz said...

Totally with you on the whole marriage certificate thing. The sealer gave it to my mom too, saying that moms don't lose them. Um, yes they do.

My rule is: Don'tmake your bridesmaids wear dresses they look crappy in. Let them pick their own, they'll smile a lot bigger in the pics.

Crystal said...

Hmph. Make sure the person who promised to do your hair doesn't decide to take off halfway through the doing.

And be sure you realize that your fiance WILL be the same after you marry him. He will still be a morning person, no matter how much of a night person you are. :)

For the record, MY mom didn't lose the certificate.

Hollywood said...

It's as I always suspected, Crystal. You were adopted.

Lisa Fewox said...

When registering for gifts don't give the scanner gun to your man, he will take off and you will end up with everything from the bathroom aisle on your registry. The ENTIRE aisle!

Abby said...

Lets get to the actually wedding--there are so many things I would change...except for the important part--the dress was gorgeous. I guess the hubby was a pretty solid choice too, but man, I should have stuffed my bra bc a gaping, hollow chest in a dress that nice is NOT cool.

Sue said...

Do not have your brother videotape the reception, because he will tape it for three minutes, get bored and set the camera down and forget all about it. Grrrrr...

kaff said...

I never got the marriage certificate from the sealer, that must be why the marriage didn't last! :) Let's hope the Fijians got it right the second time around...

Adrienne said...

We were TOTALLY mature with our Target registry. We registered for an XBoX. And Scrabble.

Once in the game aisle at Target, we witnessed the awesomest registry fight ever. Before his fiancee could stop him, the guy zapped Candy Land with the little gun thing. She just about lost her...uh... stuff. And then she threatened to call his mom. It was awesome. Years later WE'RE doing the zappy-registry-gun dance and Francis is all "So... Candy Land?"

Jenny said...

No matter what, the bride has reserved all rights to be as nasty as she wants on wedding day, if for example, her boquet looked like it had been run over by a car and then thrown off the roof of a 30 story building. Anyone who dares call her bride-zilla can therefore be lynched.

Oh, and never let your mother talk you out of something you really want, such as taking photos in your dress in front of the temple even if it is 20 degrees outside.

Jenny said...

Oh, and if you let the guy register for something you could care less about, he has to write the thank you note if you get it. (and yes, thank you notes are still mandatory)

Colleen said...

This one's for the guys, and it's a pre-engagement prerequisite.

After the ring has been picked out, do not, under any circumstances, let the girl you love suffer through her birthday, Christmas, AND New Year's Eve without proposing only to ask her to be your wife while she is sitting on your lap at your dingy office.

Kelly said...

Under no circumstances let your mother-in-law-to-be give YOU the antique cake topper that she and her other three married children all had on their wedding cakes the night before the wedding at the restaurant in a town you will never again visit. And if she does, do not leave the place without thinking that you have left something very important behind. And thanks, no, I never did get it back

Jessica G. said...

If, during the courtship, you feel he will never propose, by all means - break up with him! But be sure to wait ten minutes so he can get down on one knee and pull out the ring. :)

Annie said...

Break up with your boyfriend before you say "yes" to your new boyfriend.

Hollywood said...

These are awesome! Annie - I want the full story on your two-timing.

Abby, I'm sorry you were flat on your wedding day! But at least your poor husband had no misconceptions for the wedding night ;)

Sue, we forgot to even have someone video the wedding in the first place. I was a pretty bad wedding planner. I can't believe we didn't get anything on film. But having a videographer and then still not having film may be even worse!

Kaff - you crack me up. That was it for sure.

Adrienne - please tell me you guys DID register for CandyLand. I'm totally getting it for you.

Jenny, we did the wedding photos in 20 degree weather. It was easier than I thought because my smile was frozen on my face and my fingers frozen around the bouquet. All they really needed was a dolly to cart my frozen body around the temple and get shots. We did it for an hour. It was crazy.

Colleen, Jim is a dork. Dork Dork Dork.

Kelly, was she mad and is she still mad? At my brother in law's reception some of the clean up helpers accidentally thought a bunch of trash bags full of presents were trash and took them outside and burned them. Not good.

Jessica G., way to put the fear of gosh in him. I'm glad your plan didn't backfire!

Keep 'em coming, everyone!

Chris & Allie said...

If you are LDS, do not stop off anywhere after the ceremony to get something for anyone, no matter how badly they may need it. If you do you will spend the rest of the day listening to wisecracks like, "just couldn't wait 'til tonight huh?"

Anonymous said...

Apparently you have forgotten rule #7 since it goes from 6 to 8.

Hollywood said...

Rule number 7 wasn't forgotten - it was deleted in the polite editing process. And it was a good one too! But a little much for my more gentle readers. I guess I should have remembered to edit the numbering as well...

Adrienne said...

Sarah, I'm sorry. We did not register for Candy Land, because, seriously? Have you played it lately? It's not as much fun as we remember.

I still can't believe your parents didn't know Adam existed until he called asking for your hand. Francis and I had been dating for almost SEVEN YEARS when we finally got engaged. I guess we're weird... Also, I don't think he asked my Dad.

Also, also... how inappropriate could 7 POSSIBLY have been? Will you tell me at my wedding? Because that'll be a whole WEEKEND of inappropriate.

Anonymous said...

Sarah, it's your old roommate, JH, from the Villa (I wish to remain anonymous for now...I know, I'm weird). Anyway, your blog is hilarious! I had no idea you were such a good writer! We'll have to catch up sometime.

amelia bedelia said...

Uh yea, as opposed to the freezing your butt off in front of the temple, I got married in March, and in the hour we spent outside taking pictures, I got so sunburned. Who thinks of sunscreen in March? So for my reception, I was definitely the blushing bride. Grrr.

Kelly said...

Of course she isn't. Liz is way to nice and understanding! She felt really awful for putting the pressure on me, though.

Anonymous said...

Don't let your legally blind brother-in-law take your wedding photos, even though you will get them for free. Remember instead that you get what you pay for.

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