I have a hickey. On my face.
It's always the same. You think it's all fun and games then the next morning you look in the mirror, scream, and cancel all your appointments.
I really thought we had a good thing going. The Reynolds Handi-Vac Vacuum Sealer was my new love. I received the new vacuum lock bags and vacuum in the mail yesterday in order to do a product review and sat down to read the accompanying literature. One of the first things I saw was the warning, "do not use on skin." So naturally I stuck it on my face and turned it on. Just a push of the button and it was dangling from my nose. My cheek. My neck. My two year old thought I was awesome (always a bad sign).
Then I tried it out on my leftovers. The idea of the Handi-Vac is that it completely sucks out the air from zip-lock bags so that you can store your food in the freezer with virtually no freezer burn ever. I never even consider freezing a lot of my food because of the texture, but decided to put the Handi-Vac to the test. I stuffed some leftover scalloped potatoes into a bag and applied the vacuum. While the potatoes looked dreadfully uncomfortable after all their air had been depleted, there was no doubt my vacu-sucked ziplock had no trace of air left inside. I gave a yip and threw the bag in the freezer. Then I did the same thing with some spaghetti and sausage. This thing rocks. It's only $9.99 and will make any leftovers I have instant candidates for freezing no matter what the texture. No more mystery bags of food in the freezer that are crystallized beyond recognition. The vacuum comes with three demo bag and you can buy a pack of 15 refils for $3.29. This is one product review I'm really sold on.
When my husband got home from work I gave him a quick kiss then showed him my latest toy. "Look Spike! It sticks to my face!" I then stuck the Handi-Vac on my chin, turned it on, and let the thing dangle like a beard. Spike stared at me, slack jawed. "Isn't it great?" I gushed, the vacuum still dangling?" It wasn't falling off like it usually did after a few seconds. I shook my head back and forth. It stuck. I shook my head harder. It stuck. Finally, the thing reluctantly slid off and I gave my husband a winning smile. "I love it."
"That's great honey," he replied flatly. And did I detect a twinge of jealousy in his eyes?
Apparently my love is not unrequited. Because of my stunt last night, I now have a perfect blue circle hickey on my chin that makes me look like the most popular girl on the block.
I have to admit, I've had chin hickeys before. Another case of confused love. My mother found a kitten in a puddle in the parking lot of Target. It was covered with snails and starving. Being the kind soul she is, she brought it home for us kids to care for. We named her Chloe. Chloe obviously had some mother issues. Her favorite thing in the world was to crawl up on my chest and "nurse" my chin. It was dreadfully cute. The kitten thrived in our home. She got bigger and bigger and more self assured. In no time, we had a full grown cat roaming around the place. But Chloe still wanted to nurse. In fact, she wouldn't take no for an answer. She'd pounce on my chest, give me growl and sneak towards my chin. If you dared make any move to push her away she would hiss and swat her claws at your face until you froze in submission. Full grown Chloe had a rough, rasping tongue and a fierce suck and I reluctantly acquired chin hickey's from her warped need for maternal love. When my mother made her mysteriously disappear one day, nobody protested.
Love is a crazy, mixed up thing. The Handi-Vac and I obviously have a few issues to work out, but I think in the long run, we have a great thing going. Unlike with Chloe, this is a relationship I'm willing to work through the kinks with. The eternal preservation of my delicious scalloped potatoes is worth any hickeys I may acquire. In essence, love sucks.