The Value of Being A Nobody
It's been an entire day since I made the blog "anonymous." At first I thought it would hamper my style but upon further reflection, the new freedoms I have are quite giddying. I can say everything I think with no threat of you finding me and giving me those sad eyes of betrayal. For instance, comments like these will no longer result in a pipe bomb in my mail box*:
Of course, remarks like this won't encourage people to return to the site either, so I think I'll stick to spreading happy rainbows and unicorns across the blogosphere. And really, your acne isn't that bad.
In celebration of anonymity, let's make this an anonymous comments only post. Go for it, kids! What do you want to tell the world? I'll start:
I dreamed the other night that I was getting frisky with Christian Bale in the back seat of a Mexican tour bus. I didn't tell Spike.
*In truth, these are all things I imagine the anonymous voice telling me. Congratulations, now you know my worst insecurities.
Didn't you wear those underwear yesterday?
Maybe if you weren't so busy surfing the net you'd be able to take care of that little problem called your "personal hygiene."
Those pants make you look fat.
My kids are cuter than yours. A lot cuter.
So, adult acne. How does that make you feel?
Of course, remarks like this won't encourage people to return to the site either, so I think I'll stick to spreading happy rainbows and unicorns across the blogosphere. And really, your acne isn't that bad.
In celebration of anonymity, let's make this an anonymous comments only post. Go for it, kids! What do you want to tell the world? I'll start:
I dreamed the other night that I was getting frisky with Christian Bale in the back seat of a Mexican tour bus. I didn't tell Spike.
*In truth, these are all things I imagine the anonymous voice telling me. Congratulations, now you know my worst insecurities.
Comments
Especially on fast Sunday to cover the rumblings of my stomach.
Sometimes I take a vitamin just to see it happen.
I've flossed my teeth with my hair, too!
I don't really like kids. I love my own, but like others? Not so much. I'm a mommy blogger.
I have dreams about Colin Ferrell, but in real life, I think he's gross.
I wax my arms so I don't look like Sasquatch. Oddly, nowhere else is hairy.
I'm a compulsive zit picker.
I also wish there were an "honors sunday school" just like there was an "honors biology" in high school.
I'm sorry! I do! I have an evil lump of coal where my heart should be and cute causes me to break out in hives.
In other news, I totally understand your going anonymous. Now I can't stalk you, though. SAD!
I also hate that people go outside the U.S. to adopt when there are perfectly beautiful babies here that need a home just as much. Let China be. They're taking over the U.S. enough as it is.
Ten Reasons to vote for Mitt Romney
10) The National Cathedral could be renamed the National Tabernacle
9) NASA could commission a satellite to 'hie to Kolob'
8) The Secret Service could be renamed the Sacred Service
7) All official government prayers could include the phrase 'that we all can get home safely'
6) Napoleon Dynamite could get someone other than Pedro elected
5) The President could not only explain things in Layman's terms, but also Lemuel's terms
4) The President could issue pardons in exchange for 100% home teaching
3) Not only could he pronounce 'Nuclear' but also 'Mahonri Moriancumer' and 'Maher Shalal Hash Baz'.
2) At his inauguration he would swear on the Bible 'as far as it is translated correctly' .
1) Finally a first family large enough to fill up the White House.
As far as RS. I love the program but dislike 98% of the women. I want to scream at them to stop complaining about consequences to choices they made themselves.
I have the t.v. on all the time.
I pick my nose, too. Doesn't everyone? I mean, otherwise, what happens to the boogers? You've got to get them out, and sometimes blowing just doesn't cut it. Right? I like having a clean nose.
I'm contemplating just stopping blogging all together.
(I'm a very paranoid person by nature)
I feel muzzled and sometimes I hate her for being such a terrible person.
My mother-in-law and I don't get along at all...I mean, my husband has to mediate whether she's in town or not.
I don't floss.
I only like my own kids.
My husband is a writer and tries to get published, but I think most of his writing stinks. I have the hardest time telling him that.
I don't floss. One day a moler is going to implode.
Anyone who doesn't vote for Mitt is crazy. Either you don't know enough about all the other candidates, or you're too self conscious to have a Mo in the white house. Inform yourself!
My best friend from high school drives me bonkers, and somedays I don't answer the phone when I know it's her callng. I also think her kids are brats.
I love Relief Society. Primary makes me feel like I'm locked away in a private hell.
Once my pee was brown.
Also, sometimes I like to lick chicken flavored bouilion cubes.
I'm also addicted to the TV show The Waltons. I just can't stop watching.
Not really, but I just wanted to say that b/c you said that in your new post.
Some days I think that marrying my husband was the best thing I ever did, but most days I'm convinced that it was the worst.
Some days my kid eats nothing but snacks and fruit...and some days it's in front of the TV.
My butt looks ridiculously cute in expensive jeans...or cheap jeans for that matter.
I also pick my nose and floss with my hair.
We can barely make ends meet, so I'm really bad at giving routine baby gifts and birthday presents. But I love to give expensive things to people that they really want or need them and never tell anyone about it. But I guess I can list some of them off here: a washer/dryer, a really fancy dinner out, an ipod, $100 to help with an insurance deductable, a really nice stroller, and an entire living room set. I love seeing people get what they deserve.
It felt really, really good to finally admit that I've given those things to other people! But I like that I've kept it quiet for all this time.
The expression "endure to the end" kind of makes me tired instead of giving me strength.
I've made mean faces at ugly kids when their parents aren't looking.
Here's my secret: If my child turned out to be gay, I'd 100% okay with it.
That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
Okay, now that everyone is shaking in their booties (was it me? Does she know?) maybe you'll lay off the mean comments.
Relief Society?
I have a love/hate relationship with my house.
My husband has the clutter gene.
In college, I had 2 guys tell me they felt "inspired" that I was the right person for them. Being new in the church, I was a little vulnerable to such proclamations. Luckily neither relationship worked out.
After college, a stake president who later became a GA told me he felt inspired to tell me that I would be getting married soon and therefore such and such. The therefore such and such happened - which would not have been my choice, but the "soon" did not. I got married about 5 years later.
I am a little skeptical when a Priesthood leader tells me he has received inspiration to extend a calling.
( people pointing at me)..*she eats cereal!*
I often find myself arguing with my husband in my head where I yell and actually tell him what I really think, without crying. In reality, I usually just say "fine, whatever".
I think my kids deserve a mother who is better than me.
I feel like if I'm running late on sunday (pretty much every week) I can't go into RS without getting dirty looks.
Sometimes, at family gatherings, I just want to scream. I'm not sure if anyone would even notice.
I think my family likes my husband more than they like me.
I have the cutest children in the entire world. Seriously, you should see how cute they are.
I still wonder about a guy who was interested in me in high school.
I once had lime green poo.
I secretly want to marry Damian Lewis from Life.
As far as RS. I love the program but dislike 98% of the women. I want to scream at them to stop complaining about consequences to choices they made themselves. I concur.
I love my nieces and nephews as if they were my own children. I love it more when I can hand them over to their parents.
I believe that the angels are silent notes taking which is why you shouldn't lie even when posting anonymously. The anonymity just protects you from social prejudice. The angels probably already knew ;)
Will you all be my friends?
Sometimes... well a lot of the times... I think I'm suffering from pregnancy depression. I feel sad and cant get myself out of it on purpose. Something has to kick me out of it.
I hate it. What do I do? I am scared that I will be more depressed when the baby gets here.
I made a list of people to X. It only ended up with 1 name.
Better luck next time.
I have felt tons better since babe was born. I know it doesn't happen that way for everybody, but I am living proof that it can. What a relief.
But, I did know a person with PPD so bad she was hospitalized. You know what tho? She got through it. You can too, if it happens.
i'm a man. my wife reads these comments, and i told her about that website. thus, i cannot comment without her getting wind of it, so...
peace!
I wouldn't want to know who we are.
Anonymous with the marriage in shambles: I wish I was your friend.
I wish I had any friends, in fact, besides my husband.
I have lied/exaggerated/made up stories so much about my childhood I don't know the truth anymore. I hope that one day I can watch a video of my life (in heaven hopefully), but I'll probably be disappointed.
I can relate to so many of you who secretly scream obscenities and yell at your husbands in your head. What an outlet. Thanks Hollywood. Now, here is some dish on me.
I dont really pick my nose. I dont like sticking my fingers up there. I use q-tips in the privacy of my bathroom. try it out.
flossing? no. i agree, the hair thing didnt work for me.
I am addicted to getting on the internet.
Thanks for the laugh!
whew. Am I going to be released now?
I would, because we're human and the fact that all of us are messed up do things we're not proud of is, frankly, beautiful.
I am blessed to be with a great group of women in my ward. RS is good. I appreciate hearing everyone's insights and experiences.
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i'll take my real wife over a store bought one any day. i'd rather have our tender moments mediated only by our feelings for each other rather than by the feeling of a foreign object placed between us by a surgeon. yeah, she's nursed, and yeah, that has an effect on the body. but it's real, and it represents the sacrifice and love she's given our family. i'll take that representation of real womanhood, thanks very much.
yeah, as you say, "boob jobs all around," and it's a crying shame that they are. so often those operations are a sign of shallowness, or of a lack of confidence, or of one being totally manipulated by the media and the worst things in our environment.
Or just run them over. Just because.
But I still can't give my husband the okay to go get a vasectomy (he's totally willing).
Why the @#$@ can't I just let go?
I've never been happier.
I think this is because I have finally learned, after soooo many years, not to give a fig newton about what anyone thinks of me.
And what I learned is most people aren't judging you: they're only thinking about what they think you're thinking about when you're looking at them.
And in the rare case where someone does judge me, well, I'm very happy to say that I can always go tell them to GO EAT A FIG NEWTON.
Don't all the sisters out there realize how flawed and stupid I am as I'm sitting up here, picking my nose?
(Well, okay, I haven't picked my nose yet, but I'm seriously considering it for this upcoming Sunday.)
Would you please come over and talk to my husband? He thinks a boob job would be GREAT!
Personally, I don't see what's so wrong with small and saggy.
Anyway, that's what I want to say but I don't. I guess that's why I still have friends.
Actually, I've never been here.
If you think the person in your ward isn't doing their calling "well enough", go ahead and ask the Bishop if you can take over...otherwise zip it and be grateful that it isn't you up there. RS will only be as good as you want it to be. If it "sucks" then that probably means that you aren't doing anything to help make it better - so technically, it's your fault!
I'm not making these comments as if I have a RS calling, because I don't. I just hate it when people think they are better than the ones serving them...nothing could be uglier!
Now, that's uuuuugly.
People doing what people do best: assuming the worst and expecting things to get better without any effort on their part?
That's more...oh, sad. *sniff*
I think I'm afraid of it.
Wow. Maybe alienating people is the hidden talents that the scriptures refer to.
What?
And here I thought this was yet another time-wasting hobby and addiction of mine...yeah. Actually, that's all it is and all it ever will be for me.
How does Dooce make her money, anyway? I didn't see any ads. If she is a hit-man-for-hire, I was unable to find that link...
are you a hit-man-for-hire? 'cause if you are, I've a job for you. (But what does assassination have to do with blogging? I'm confused)
-love, anon.
As for nausea, the only thing that helped me with "morning" sickness was to quit taking my prenatal vitamin. Crazy, huh, but it worked. It won't hurt the baby to stop taking it, either. It may hurt you, but not the baby. Your baby will take all the nutrients "it" needs from you (like the true parasite "it" is)!
The RD did not say that meat was the best form of protein, she just said that it has a bad reputation that isn't always warranted if one is careful about it. She said that after years of abstaining from it completely, she had decided to add it back into her diet once a week for iron purposes. She also said that cutting out an entire food group makes it harder to obtain balanced nutrition, meaning, that if you COMPLETELY cut out meat that you have to try much harder to get good protein and iron from other sources. I really question anybody who doesn't take a balanced approach to nutrition. And were you the one who just said to cut out meat and dairy entirely, and then went on to say that it dairy is the second best source of protein? hmmmmm... I am hoping not.
man i feel so liberated... thanks hollywood. i always hear that part from mannequin where the character named hollywood says hollyyyyywooood in a really high pitched voice. that's how i say it in my head every time....
For the most part, I think that most die-hard vegetarians out there aren't in it for the nutrition factor, they are in it for the respect of life - which includes animals. I promise, there are many ways to get your iron in. I'm vegetarian and have never been low on iron, even through my whole pregnancy! But again, everyone is different. Different ideas, beliefs, bodies, that is what makes this world so great!
Yeah, blogging IS an egotistical thing. Why would anyone presume that other people would care about Pookie's first haircut or that you're trying out a new diet plan? And yet even lame bloggers with nothing to say find some sort of audience too.
It's the voyeuristic aspect.
More than anything in the world, I want to be married. In my group of friends, this is a socially unacceptable thing to say, so I keep it a secret. I am supposed to be single and fabulous. I am fabulous, but I think I'd be happier if I weren't single.
Don't get me wrong I have a couple who are very close to me, but you should never have to change yourself for truly good friends. They love you and accept you as you are.
Props to you for wanting to be different. Pursue that.
Also, with all of the hard-edged advice, people are so quick to take offense. I admit to sticking through this whole thing for curiosity's sake, but all of the negativity is getting a little old. Enough with the meanness.
Anonymous told me to get over myself. I think anonymous is probably absolutely correct. :)
So stop.
No more seriousness.
Anyone want a knock-knock joke?
You start.
Can't I love my husband with every fiber of my being without s*x?