December 14, 2007

Please Don't Come to My Party

Thinking that 80% of my friends would have already left town for their holiday vacations, I invited 40 couples and their children to a Christmas party at our apartment tonight. We've planned a White Elephant Gift Exchange and a Cookie Exchange. As of this afternoon, I've received confirmation that we will have at least 30 adults and 20 children in my 950 sq/ft. apartment. At least 12 more adults have said they will probably come with their kids. I am so screwed.

The most people I've had in my apartment at one time was 25 women for a baby shower. Placid as they were, it was pretty rough. Add five more adults and 20 screaming kids of all ages and I'm pretty sure we'll be breaking all kinds of zoning laws. And how exactly does a White Elephant Gift exchange work if you can't even fit everyone into the same room?

I've made Pixie's bedroom into the "underage party room." Pixie will be three in January and I feel her hostessing skills are up to task. But my own skills as a hostess extraordinare are lacking. I usually spend the first half hour of all my parties hiding in the kitchen doing deep breathing exercises to get over the invasion of my home. Although I love hosting parties, it still shakes me up for the first little bit. I'm not going to have that luxury this time. I'm pretty sure every inch of my home will feet on it. I'm thinking of telling the poor medical students who live downstairs to put up some extra support beams under their ceiling.

To keep the kids entertained, I've got all kinds of paper and scissors ready for them to make snowflakes and decorate our bare tree. There is also going to be a mailbox with stationary so they can write their letters to Santa. After they've tired those options, I'm just going to lock them in Pixie's room and cross my fingers. And how am I supposed to feed all these people? Many women are bringing cookies but I think I'm going to have to go down to the zoo and get some sacks of vegetables and meat to dump out on the kitchen floor so everyone gets something to eat. Why am I blogging right now? I need to be working to get ready for this party. Everyone keep their fingers crossed that people don't show up!

22 comments:

AzĂșcar said...

The best way to get a great party is to cram the largest number of people into the smallest possible space, no lie.

To give you some hope, not everyone will show up at the same time and people can just leave if they don't like the situation.

Have a blast!!

JustRandi said...

Maybe it's just me, but the idea of 20 kids locked in a small bedroom, each with a pair of scissors makes me shiver uncontrollably.
I know it would be a couple more people, but it might be worth paying a couple of YW to come and um, be in charge of the haircuts. I mean snowflakes, of course.

Hollywood said...

I thought about that, Justrandi, but having a teenager there is yet ANOTHER person in the apartment. And don't worry, I'm keeping the scissors out in the front room so only the older kids can use them.

Yeah, Azucar, I know it will be fun and probably BECAUSE of the amount of people, but it is still freaking me out trying to figure out the logistics. I think it will thin out around 8-9pm after the people with kids take off for bedtime and the people without kids show up to hang out till midnight.

I just keep picturing people getting literally trampled. Wouldn't that make a great blog post!

Brent and AmberLee's Family said...

Way to not let square footage stand in the way of your right to party. I'm pulling for you.

Hollywood said...

Shoot. I just asked Pixie how my decorations were looking and she said, "kind of nerrible."
"Is that good or bad?" I asked.
"Uh, bad."

Heffalump said...

When everyone gets there you can announce that you are having a Holiday scavenger hunt. Send them out in teams to find things like mistletoe and etc, and when they get back, award the winner with a plate of cookies and say
"Thanks for Coming! Goodnight!"

The Wiz said...

You brave woman. You should just start like an Amway speech or something. "I've brought you all here to tell you about an amazing business opportunity..."

That should clear them out fast.

Janell said...

Wow, you're gutsy. So long as everyone has their own square foot, I think it'll be ok ;)

Costco is your friend.

Mrs. M said...

Don't worry, they won't all come. Even if they said they would. People are flakey en masse.

Karen said...

Ooh, sounds like fun! Can I come, too? Just kiddin. Relax, it's gonna be a blast.

kaff said...

If I had read this sooner I would be on my way too! If it got to out of hand I could fake labor! I still have 2 months, but who would really know?? :) Have fun!

emmy said...

Hope your party was a success. It is over by now but I will add my 2 cents. You could always move it outside since you are in LA. Unlike living in the Midwest with single degree temps. Love Heffalumps idea.

Ang said...

Well, if your parties were a little less rockin' we wouldn't all keep coming! Once again, we all had a great time. Even if Pixie swiped my white elephant gift :) Oh, and I left feeling a little high from all the cookies. Who knew all your friends were also master bakers?

Kerri said...

This was so hilarious to read that the ever calm, free-spirited Ms. Hollywood was actually a little stressed about something! Everything from the surprise Santa visit to the couple dozen toddlers running around was awesome! Thanks for a great night!

Catherine M. said...

I can't wait to hear what the kids did with the scissors!

melissa said...

good luck! let us know who gets trampled.

emma jo said...

You are an ambitious woman. Have fun and if things get out of hand, stuff enough cookies in your mouth to induce a sugar coma and be rushed to the hospital...its a party they will never forget!

bd93 said...

Through my current vice of blog-stalking I have discovered yours, and I think it's hilarious. Please know that while you were stressing over breaking fire hazard laws, you were simultaneously gaining a new fan. The bad part is that you've pointed out to me how funny my blog...isn't.

Rachelle said...

Wow Hollywood,
Sweet new picture! :))
Well, it's supposed to snow again this week, I've got the perfect cure, come on up and see all the soggy pacas and let the kiddos romp in the snow!
Merry Christmas my friend, and thank you so much for the postcard (cute, cute, CUTE!), I promise to get New Year's letters out! I even have the whole picture planned out in my head.
Slainte~
Rachelle

Hollywood said...

Whew! If success is judged by the amount of cookies consumed, then I feel safe saying that my party was da bomb!

As far as capacity, it couldn't have been fuller. EVERYONE showed up at the same time, and pretty much left at the same time. But hey, it was fun! We did two rounds of the White Elephant exchange and there must have been over 500 cookies.

One of my guest tapped my shoulder and said, "I wouldn't do this for anyone, but I've got a Santa suit down in the car..." so there was a happy visit from Santa with a bag full of toys for the kids.

Why do I worry about stuff like this? My only regret is that more people didn't come! 50 just isn't enough ;)

Hollywood said...

bd93, you're a sweetie-pateetie. And don't you worry, I got a big old laugh out of your blog!

Janie and Andrew said...

So did Trent regift the white elephant of years past - the coconut bra? Or is he still keeping that one for himself? :) Wish we could have been there to witness the chaos!