December 15, 2007

Your Secret Letters to Santa

After the raging success (or some would say failure) of my first anonymous comments only post, I thought we'd try again today with a Christmas theme. At our Christmas party last night, I asked our guests to write letters to Santa but not to sign them. At the end of the night, I read the letters to the group and we tried to guess who they were from. One husband begged Santa for a wife who had time to snuggle with him AND get the rest she needed, another wife wanted a Silver Bentley, and many of the kids were hot on having a Wii.

Lets say that nobody would ever know what you asked Santa for this year. Be it trading in your kids for dogs, marrying rich, or plain old peace on earth, your wish is Santa's command. But the rule is your comment has to be anonymous. I don't want any good-too-shoes piping up publicly denouncing everyone's honest thoughts. If you make a non-anonymous comment, I'll republish it as anonymous.

After everyone gets some comments out there I'll put mine up too. It's a good one.


And just in case any of you feel like being Santa to someone else this year, watch/share this video of a wife in need in Eagle Mountain, Utah hoping to win a $25,000 gift card to Home Depot for her husband. Home Depot will base 20% of the final score off of how many people watch the video on YouTube. It goes without saying that these people must be Mormon. Nine people in three bedrooms? Insanity. Enjoy:


64 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa:
Please give my husband the gift of humility and understanding so that he'll go to therapy and actually buy into it.
Oh, and I'd really like a little red Infiniti coupe that has no room for carseats or strollers.

Anonymous said...

Santa,
I'd really like the next two years to go incredibly fast because I'm not sure I can handle two boys under 2.
Or - I'd settle for those Prada boots I've had my eye on. Size 8 please.
Oh, and DVD players for the van. That might help with the two boys thing.
And while we're dreaming, could I please be a size 8 again. Heck - I'd settle for size 10. Even 12 if you think I've been that naughty. (Of course, being naughty is why being a size 12 is a dream and not reality)

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa,
Please get me the heck out of grandmas basement. I really want a house that I can call my very own Somerwhere I can walk around in my underwear and hubby and I can have really loud...relations! I am tired of having SIL for a roommate. We;ve been married 7 years and she has lived in our house for 5 of those years Or maybe you can find someone for SIL to marry. Someone who will put up with her OCDness and crazy mood swings. Just somewhere I can call my own...Santa really that is all I am asking for.

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa,

I would really like to get pregnant this year. That said, stay out of my bedroom. I'm talking magic here, and not the "I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus" variety.

Thanks a bunch!

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa...

Please make take the haunted look from my husband's eyes and let him be happy.

That would about cover all the other little things I hope for.

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa,

Please take the whinning gene from my children's chromosomes- they can talk and make noice, but the whinning must go the way of the Dodo.

Also, I would love a minivan that has those magic doors that open and close with the magic button thingy- and I could use a "flush" feature, too, if they have one- for all the french fries and fruit rolls and other gross sticky stinky things that surely will find their way to the floor, ceiling and windows.

While you're at it, I could really use an angel visitation, just to buoy my faith.

Thanks a ton, Santa.

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa,

For Christmas, please bring my husband an XBOX 360 and the Orange box (whatever that is).

I'd like all our student loans and credit cards paid off, a second car with POWER locks, and a tummy tuck.

Thanks!

Anonymous said...

Can my new baby please come with an automatic diaper-changing feature, full-night sleep feature, and non-spit-up feature?

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa,

I'm pregnant and I don't want this pregnancy to be like the last one. I don't want to throw up, feel nauseous, gain 40 pounds, retain every drop of water I drink, need to pee all of the time, or get a road map of stretch marks all over my breasts and abdomen. I'd like to be reasonably attractive after I give birth. But I do want a baby just like the one I've got, except maybe a boy this time.

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa,
I really want all our credit card debit to be gone, so I can quit doing daycare. And if you can't pay off our debit if you could make the kids that I watch a little quieter, and kinder to my children. And if you could make my daughter like having her hair done.
Oh and if you could help me and my son get along better, I'd like our yelling matches to stop.

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa,
I would like the following things in order:
1. sex.
2. sex
3. sex
4. an engagement ring
5. sex.

I feel like I've been very good this year, and this isn't a big request. So please see what you can do.

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa:
Please bring me a Master's degree and my man a good paying job so we can GET THE HELL OUT OF DEBT.

Also, please send us an affordable photographer and a DJ... Because I'm terrified we'll all be sitting around at the wedding, staring at each other in silence and worse, we won't have any pictures of it.

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa:
I'm not greedy. I see all these unscrupulous people shaking down others for obscene amounts of money while we work really hard for the little we have. I only want around 50,000.00 That would be life-changing money for my family. Oh and world peace and stuff.

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa:
Can you please bring me a decent bra to hold my jiggly jugs beyond an 18 hour time limit? Must not have any bows, underwire, or weird lace that shows up through the front of my shirt.

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa:

I'd love a 2008 Chrysler Town & Country with all the bells & whistles. If I can be specific, Silver in color.

I'd also like to wake up about 100 lbs lighter.

Thanks!

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa,

I would love a 42" LCD tv to watch my favorite college basketball team. I would also like a dodge charger that runs only on oxygen and dreams.

Please send my hubby a degree in computer design with a job that's stable- free of charge. And my boys some nice friends who will stick around for awhile (maybe you could send them some whose parents aren't in the middle of nasty divorces).

A nice free house in the country with 5 acres would be nice too. I'm sure all the free babysitting I do for my nephew has more than paid for one.

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa--

One new kidney, please.

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa:
Can I please have a boyfriend this year?
And a puppy, while you're at it.
And I'm with the lady a few people above me... I could really use a good bra that doesn't have weird lace bumps in strategic places.

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa,

For Christmas this year, I would like to move away from my in-laws.

I would like my husband to be able to get a better job so we can afford to pay our rent by ourselves. Preferably a job without long hours so he'll have time to study and get motivated to take the GRE so he can go to grad school and then, hopefully, start a career in something he likes.

I would like a trip to visit my parents and the majority of my siblings, because I'm pregnant and hormonal and I miss them.

I would like a trip to visit my oldest sister in New York, also, because I miss her and her family and New York is awesome and she'll make me a beautiful cake if I ever get to visit her.

I'd like to have some girl friends that I can do girly stuff with because as much as I like my husband's and I's guy friends, there's some things guys just don't enjoy doing and don't understand.

On a more materialistic note, I'd like the following:
A Dyson Slim (DC18, if you need the model number)
A Chicco travel system stroller
A variety of baby carriers for baby carrying
A Canon D40 for my hubby
A real speaker system and a receiver
Power Tools, all sorts

Santa, if you want some cheaper present options, I've got some more things on my list that are in the more affordable range:
new books, movies, and music
art supplies
sewing supplies
new books
a fantastic Thai curry recipe
Did I mention some new books?

And in the realm of sheer magic, I'd also like the following two items:
A food replicator for the basement
An anti-gravity lift for the stairs

*sigh* I think my list is too long, but what's a girl to do with all those excess hopes and dreams and wishes other than translate them into a Santa list full mostly of things she'll probably never get?

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa -

I would like to make it to the promised land. I think you know what that means.

Also, I would really like it if our house sold quickly, and for a lot of money, a true miracle in this market.

Also, uggs, a pre-trained puppy in the appropriate breed, and magically growing boobs.

Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa,

Cancer sucks. I want all 11 people that I love with cancer to not have it anymore.

Thats all. Nothing for me, thanks.

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa-

I would like a fiancee. It'd be nice if people would stop asking me if I'm dating someone, or ask if they can set me up. If I had a fiancee, the answers would be yes and no, respectively.
And you know-I feel that I've waited long enough that he can be pretty amazing. I'm talking, done with school and in a good job. I've waited too long to be anyone's sugar mama.
Oh-and would it be too much to ask for my skin to learn how to tan?

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa:

I'm grateful for my lustrous locks of hair that grows thick and strong with ease.....however, I'm much less excited for the lustrous locks of hair that grows thick and strong with ease all over my face and neck. :(

Let's Make It A Holly Jolly Hair-Free Chrsitmas, Shall We? I Want Total Body Electrolysis.

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa,
I just want my husband to not have to work 3 jobs just to keep us going...we're not even "comfortable" at this point. I want people that work as civil servants to be paid enough for putting their lives on the line everyday!!!
Thanks!

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa
I want a new 4 door Jeep Rubicon.
and a red rider bb gun with a coumpass in the stock.

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa,

For Christmas I'd REALLY like a pony, or a puppy.
And a dishwasher in my kitchen and a toilet that ACTUALLY flushes.
And The Force.

Thanks! You're the man!

Anonymous said...

To the Esteemed Mr. Claus,

On this Christmas I of course would like all the basics, a house with a yard, a car with power locks, a washer and dryer, but let's add a few surprises this year.

How about one of those lifetime travel passes on a major airlines so I can travel to see my family whenever I want. I miss them all so much but it's so expensive to visit everyone.

And I'd also love my husband to get to know our kids better. I feel like he's not interested in having a relationship with them and I wish he could understand what he's missing.

And lastly, I want to be world famous in a good way. I want strangers to recognize me on the street and give me thumbs up. I want all the instant credit that parenting can't give me.

So get working. You've only got a few weeks left!

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa,

I have been very good this year (especially when I remembered to take my medication). I'd really like a new shoulder...one that works and doesn't throb when the weather changes.

And if possible? How about a heap of motivation so I will finally get off my fluffy butt and get some exercise...that would be swell! And the "famous" thing might be kinda cool but please make it for something not embarassing or Paris Hilton-esque, k?

Smooches,
Anonymous

Anonymous said...

Jolly old Saint Nicholas,
lean your ear this way!
This is what I'd like to see
come this Christmas Day:

I'm so cold! So freaking cold-
now, dear Santa Claus,
Drive those reindeer by the house;
on our rooftop pause.

I'm not that greedy, well not much,
but, hey, since you ask...
A free trip to the Ba-ha-mas,
in the sun to bask!

Bring my hubby, fly first class,
let us linger there.
Send us home to a new house,
-one with fresh salt air.

Hubby wants to dive in waves,
I would love warm sand,
We would live a dreamy life
walking hand in hand.

Real Estate upon a beach;
warms my heart the best
Choose for me, dear Santa Claus;
bring my coastal nest.

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa,

For Christmas I want world peace. Really. My big brother is going to Iraq in September and I would really like it if he didn't have to be in a war zone.

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa,

I want my husband to regain motivation with school and finally get it done.
I want him to have a better paying job so I can stay at home with our daughter.
I want to live in a house, not a stinky apartment.
And it would be cool if my in-laws would move away, they stress me out.

Thanks!

P.s. after reading over my list it looks pretty selfish. So I would also like to end world hunger. Those commercials with the starving children break my heart.

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa,
Please take my husband and adorable child away to a fabulous place for about a week so I can paint and blog and own the remote control and not have to make anyone dinner or find anyone's crap for them. Also, please take down the tree and all the decorations and put them away before you go.
Thank you Santa, you are a saint. No really. You ARE a saint.
Love and hugs,
Mama Needs Some Me Time

Anonymous said...

I honestly can't think of a single thing I want.

After 2 years my boys and favorite dog are moving in. I've missed them so much. It's all the Christmas I need.

I had chemotherapy last year and was bald for Christmas. This Christmas I'm getting a hair cut. (and color, woohoo!)

God is good.

I have all I need.

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa,
I don't need anything this year. We have been so blessed. Take care of everyone else.

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa,

Please take care of someone who really needs it.

I'm with the previous 2. I have everything I want and need, so you can concentrate on someone who needs it.

(Oh, and BTW, thanks for the twin babies last year! And bringing our Baby Boy home from the NICU just in time for Christmas! Those were the ultimate, most AWESOME Christmas gifts - I mean, how can you top that!)

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa, 100% for real, first and foremost, I would like restored health for my husband.
After that, I would like my own syndicated automotically popular TV talk show where I could cook, have celebrity guests, do make-overs, help those in need (like Oprah, only I will truly give 2 s@*ts about my everyday guests). This would, however, require you to remedy me of my fear of public speaking, cook without a recipe and acquire some natural talent beyond hiding behind my typing.

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa,
Please make vegetables taste like chocolate.

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa,

Please get my husband a job that pays more than minimum wage. I'm so tired of not being healthy meals for my family. They deserve so much more, and he works soooo hard. How does his boss get away with it? Why does my husband LET him get away with it?

I'd also really like my own vehicle so I can leave the house on occasion, and a magic homeschooling fairy to guide me and help me not to screw up.

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa,

Please send me a legal, unlimited, credit card with my name on it of which the bill is sent to and paid by you.

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa,

Please make my husband a hopeless romantic. But only towards me.

And I'd like a new couch that isn't ugly.

And I'd like a pair of fuzzy snowboots, unless you can control the weather and make it warm here instead of cold.

Merry Christmas!

Anonymous said...

Santa, If my husband could just get a raise so that we're not living paycheck to paycheck every single week, that would be wonderful.

Anonymous said...

Santa,

I want Johnny Depp, but if he throws a fit about fitting in your bag, or going down the chimney I guess I understand.

I would like my baby to get over her Reflux, my 4 year-old to take naps, and my 6 year-old to quit saying that she's bored.

Some alone time with my husband would be nice too. (Unless the afore mentioned Mr. Depp comes along, then my husband can play babysitter)

Thanks! Merry Christmas!

Anonymous said...

Dearest Santa Claus,

My wish list is in priority order.

I would like my husband and I to have the motivation to eat healthy and excercise so we can lose weight, 85 and 35 pounds respectively. Magically would be great to but I know it doesn't work that way. :( Then I want a new wardrobe and a fashion expert to help me pick it out.

I want my 8 month old to sleep through the night, at least 10 hours or a nanny from 9 pm to 9 am.

I want my 3 year old to cooperate!!! Me to have more patience with her.

I want my husband and I to have friends that live close. I NEED a friend with kids so we can have play dates.

Now the selfish wishes: self-cleaning kitchen or a husband that does dishes! I would also like a personal hairstylist to come over everyday. Craft room full of crafty stuff. Lastly, a personal jet to visit family and friends or vice versa. The airlines keep ruining my luggage and kids car seats and I hate waiting!!!!!!! Better yet a lot of portkeys would be great. Instant travel baby!!!!!

Thank you so much!!! I am saving a kiss for you under the mistletoe.

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa,

Please help people to get along and be nice. Peace on earth!

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa,
My list is long because I never buy for myself and only for those I love, i.e. my children & husband. So here goes.
1 wishblade with replacement blades & cutting mats.
2 trips to the nearest city to spend #10.
3 shelves for my living room - black finish, please.
4 professional pictures of each child framed above my bed.
5 pretty necklaces.
6 reams of fabric from my local quilt shop.
7 bread pans so I can bake bread.
8 new blouses because all the shirts have now are stained from said children.
9 paid-for trips to the photo finishing shop.
10 million dollars, yeah, that will do.
11 heartfelt pleases and thank yous daily from my children for the next year.
12 dinner settings from Pottery Barn - red is a nice color.
I thought you could do the "12 days of christmas" to me, but there are only 10 left. So please feel free to compile them as needed!
Thanks Santa, you're the best!

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa,

Technically, I have everything I need.

That being said, I think I'd like to lose that extra 20 pounds I've been carrying around since high school.

I'd like a new car, any car, because that would beat what I have right now.

If there was a way you could make chips calorie free, Santa, I promise I would stop eating the cookies my family leaves for you.

I would like a dishwasher that would stop leaving remnants of food on the bottom of glasses, like a nasty surprise at the end of a drink.

And I'd like a job, because that way I can buy all the other stuff I'd ask you for.

Anonymous said...

Reading this reminds me of the old Queen For a Day television show.

Anonymous said...

I would like to get over my husband cheating on me. Or better yet, if you could rewind time and make it not happen, that would be better.

Anonymous said...

Santa,
Could you please make the voices inside my head go away?

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa: Please raise my salary, provide my boyfriend with a dishwasher, and please leave under the tree a life time supply of gift cards to the spa.

Anonymous said...

Santa, could you please bring my brother safely home from Afghanistan? And my mom and dad to be happy? And for me I'd like you to pay off one of my husband's student loans. Just one. We could handle things if just one was gone.

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa:
Please give me enough money to be able to get a divorce and pay my husband enough money so he'll be happy and not hurt me and let me be happy.

Caroline said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Caroline said...

Well that didn't work. I forgot to click anonymous then I didn't want everyone to see my list, then it posted that I removed it. sigh. and now I feel like a retard and everyone will want to know what I wrote even though it wasn't all that snarky. sigh. merry freakin christmas

Anonymous said...

Dear santa,

my mom tld me you are not real. so why are thes people asking you for so much stuff?

if you are real can i have some new shoes for school becase mine have holes.

Anonymous said...

I just want my husband to pick up his clothes. That's it.

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa:
Please give me a house. I really don't like being in my 30's and still apartment living. I can't handle having my younger sister with a house one year out of marriage. I mean, sheesh we've been together 13 years...it's about time we should be able to afford a house.

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa...
Please make our next stage in life as awesome as I'm expecting it to be!

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa,
I want out of debt once and for all. The stupid credit cards, that were used for living when it was truly an emergency, got jacked up when more happened and we missed a payment on all of them. Now the charges are racking up, ridiculous fees to where we can't see daylight. We barely make it from paycheck to paycheck. Internet is free, I use the public library. We drive a 12 year old car. Live in a modest home. I haven't bought new clothes in 5 years. We live beyond our means. Have helped our adult children and friends and never ask for anything in return. Our luck has run from bad to worse.
Just give me my life back. I want to not decide between groceries and medicine ever again.

Anonymous said...

That was supposed to be we do NOT live beyond our means. :)

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa:
I would like to be able to move past the years of sacrifice and stress and depression and feel like a normal person for once.
I would like a friend that I can have long conversations with.
I would like people to stop saying, "You're so brave" without asking how I'm doing.
I would like to be able to complain about everything--just once--without being criticized for being ungrateful.

Anonymous said...

Santa, here's what I really want:

1. The energy and good health to be able to do what I want to do!
2. All the excess STUFF to be magically removed from my house without removing anything I really care about - and without ME having to do it!
3. Motivation to get GOING on exercise and eating healthy and losing weight (which would undoubtedly help out on #1)
4. About $10,000 of renovations on my floors....

You're the BEST, Santa! Thank you so much!!!!

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa,

Please help me keep this baby that I'm pregnant with that I've wanted for over a year.

Please help my husband pass all his classes this semester so he can graduate in June

Please help him find a job after that!

Anonymous said...

Dear Santa:

Please help people to stop using the insult "retard." Help them to understand how much that hurts those of us who love a "retarded" person.