January 4, 2008

Daisy Sour Cream Inspirations

Dear Daisy,

Last week I opened up a container of your Sour Cream and found a freshness seal blocking the way between me and an afternoon calorie fest. The seal had a picture of a delicate white tulip and the words, "If life gives you limes, just rearrange the letters and return a smile."Wha? Can you even do that? And why was my sour cream giving me life advice? Rather than try and tackle these unexpected questions, I went ahead and tore off the seal and dished an unhealthy amount of saturated fat into my chicken soup.

I kept the flavor seal next to my sink hoping that the deeper meaning of a seemingly ridiculous tip would manifest itself. Two days later, nothing. On your website today I found an entire collection of "'Fresh Thinking' foil seals, featuring uplifting, positive thoughts from Daisy." Each line was more frustratingly useless than the next. I understand the intention, but the execution stinks.

It reminds me of a Japanese singer, trying to sing in English. She strings together a bunch of peppy words and hopes they make sense together. Something like, "happy puppies sleep peacefully under the ice cream bush in hope." True, I feel oddly uplifted after reading it, but really can't explain why.

Your website invites visitors to submit their own "Fresh Thinking" ideas to perhaps appear on one of your freshness seals. Here are some of mine. Take care, my definition of "fresh" may not be the same as yours:

"When life hands you flaming bags of poop, make s'mores"

"If you feel bad, pretend you feel good so people don't get uncomfortable."

"Yes, you are fat. Put away the sour cream and eat some celery."

"It is better to give than to receive - unless you have a communicable, fatal disease."

Just a few of my humble suggestions. This Fresh Thinking is brought to you by Hollywood Flakes. We are in no way affiliated with Daisy, have no psychiatric or counseling training, and are notorious for not following our own advice.

Sincerely,

Hollywood


Readers, if you want to submit any of your fresh ideas to Daisy, email them to shareideas@daisybrand.com or leave them in the comments section. I'm sure we can come up with something better for me to read on my sour cream then they have! And in case you couldn't tell, I'm feeling a little morose today - sorry for the snarkiness!

20 comments:

Sue said...

Heh. That's bizarre. Deep thoughts from Daisy. Hope you are feeling better.

Barbaloot said...

How about; "Take off the jingle you use on your commercial. It makes me so angry I want to go throw all your sour cream in the sewer!"?
Do you think they'll like it?

Spike said...

mmmm. snarkiness. i missed snarkiness.

Make and Takes said...

Dang, I wish my cheap generic Wal-Mart brand of sour cream would put little bits of inspiration on their labels. You are making me want to fork up the dough for Daisy. I think "limes" to "smile" is very clever.

Spike said...

i think it would have been more clever if they had advocated turning lemons into melons.

chan said...

Hey! I was just wondering if you got my e-mail inviting you to my blog. It is now private, so I just wanted to make sure I sent it to the right address!:) Keep up the good writing!:)

Marie said...

Yours are way better.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I think that limes needs to be turned into miles. Miles, as in miles you need to run, walk, chicken dance, roller-skate or waddle to exercise off the sour cream calories.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Why are you not in the top 10 at humor-blogs? You so smoke 99% of the people in the top 30 at least.

kibler said...

When we landed in Frankfurt the other day our air hostess gave is this little tid bit of advice: "Yesterday is history, tomorow is a mystery, but today is a gift... thats right, the present." Now, where is it in his job discription to make me feel like my time in the air was so precouis... I was appalled! Where is the quality control? He made it sound that we hardly made it to our destination safely.... NO MORE UNITED!

Colleen said...

Let me get this straight... You're apologizing for being snarky?! C'mon Hollywood, that's what we love most about you.

(I love the word snarky, incidentally.)

Hollywood said...

I'm just in a murderous mood today. I hate it. I know I'll be feeling better tomorrow and I really do wish that Daisy could write something on their freshness seals that would make me feel better, which is why I am so bitter about the "limes to smiles" line.

I'm glad Makes and Takes got something out of it though. I wish I could.

Angela said...

HA! The other day my oldest son said to my second, "I hate you because I love you more than you love me." To which el segundo replied, "I love you because I hate you more than you hate me." Inspiration?

NG said...

Awesome!

I would add to yours:

When life hands you flaming bags of poop, make s'mores... and give them to someone you don't like.

Some others for your list:

When you get overwhelmed with life, just remember that you're going to die someday.

You know what would go great with that outfit you're wearing? A personality.

Money can't buy happiness, but it comes closer than dog poop.

Abby said...

Who wants advice from sour cream? What authority does it have to turn my lim into a smile anyway? Now a bigstick--they can keep those stupid little jokes coming as long as they'd like--who doesn't like a bigstick? I like to ask my husband the question as I begin, like "What did the hamburgers name their daughter?" And when he says "what" unenthusiastically, I always say, "I don't know, I'll tell you in about ten minutes." (It's Patty, by the way...hey, I didn't say they were super clever jokes!

Karen said...

I find it amusing that food tries to speak to us, but prefer mine to say "eat me."

Boy Mom said...

Opening sour cream on the 4th of January to find 'limes' of inspiration. "Random" (Bratz accent) is what my teenage boys would say. They, however, couldn't give me much of a definition for Snarkiness. Help I feel very um... snarky? when I don't know what a word means or it's origins.

Vivian Love said...

Here's one they can use:

'When you're smoochin' with your hunny, and your nose gets kinda runny, he may think it's pretty funny, but it's snot!'

Try to stay dry in 'sunny California'...from The OC.

Vivian, Yorba Linda, CA

Jill said...

Here's something I would like to see Daisy write on their sour cream.

"Congratulations! You've just won a million dollars!"

Now THAT would brighten my day!

Smoochiefrog said...

To me, sour cream giving me positive thought messages is like those commercials for Kotex telling me to have a happy period.

Just WHY????