January 23, 2008

When Fiber Attacks

Thinking I'd be clever, I doubled up my bowl of cereal the other morning hoping to boost my fiber for the day and reduce my urge to snack. The cereal was Nature's Path Optimum Power Breakfast cereal. One cup of their cereal has 40% of your daily fiber (10 grams). I got halfway through the bowl and felt full but I didn't want the bowl to go to waste to I took a deep breath and powered through the rest of the bowl, grimly grinding the flax, barley and bran bits between my teeth.

My bowl finally empty, I smugly plopped on the couch to watch the morning news. Twenty minutes later I heard my daughter wake up and started getting up to get her. Stabbing pain shot through my gut. For the rest of the morning, I couldn't stand up straight. I had to walk bent in half if I needed to go anywhere at all and my stomach felt like it was full of screwdrivers. As I lay on the couch groaning and muttering, "too...much...fiber..." my husband sent me those why-did-I-marry-a-crazy-lady looks and shook his head.

My urge to snack was definitely reduced. Lunchtime came and went. My husband made himself a delicious looking sandwich and tried to convince me to have some. I just groaned. Fiber had finally gotten the best of me. I would never be hungry again.

A word to the wise, fiber can kill. At least, 80% of it in one bowl can. If any of you are as die-hard as I am about getting your daily dose of pebbles, check out this Fiber One promo from Eat Better America. They are giving away their cereal with 57% of your daily fiber in it. I've never heard of anything with that much fiber. I can't imagine what would happen if you accidentally took a few extra bites. But I fully intend to sign up for my free sample of their gravel and see what happens. One bowl a day and I'd be set. For those of you fiber virgins, my advice is to start slow and work your way up. Your gut and spouse will thank you.

I wish I had a great link to a poem about fiber to put here. But I don't. Here's my poem instead:

When you think the world is gray
eat fiber.
When your hairdo just won't stay
eat fiber.
A cup, a bowl, a fondue pot
of pebbly crunchies, cold or hot
You'll never give that cake a thought
when fiber fills your soul.


I know, it's beautiful. You didn't know I was a poet, did you?

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

sarah, you are truly a genius. or should i say, an idiot-savant. you are an idiot when it comes to eating so much fiber, but truly a savant when it comes to blogging about the aftermath.

Anonymous said...

did i say sarah? i meant hollywood. and did i say idiot? i just meant a little slow. a little different. but in a good way. seriously. eject. abort. good thing you have anonymous comments turned on. otherwise you'd know who it was making these mean comments. and think of some punishment for me.

Magirk said...

Beautiful. *snif* Really. I'm speechless. *snif, snif*

S'mee said...

wow.

Karen said...

That poem is truly inspiring. I had no idea that fiber could do all that. And I will definitely start slowly so as not to have the dreaded screwdriver stomach sensation.

Heffalump said...

It sounds to me like too much Fiber can clog up Nature's Path...

Hollywood said...

ba doom doom Nice one, Heffalump.

And to my anonymous heckler, Yes, I'm a genius idiot. But I bet I'm more regular that you. And who is the "Sarah" you speak of? Strange times.

Anonymous said...

Can't say this without being annonymous: After having a baby, I got hooked on the stool softener. I think I'll just keep taking it forever and I'll never have to choke down fiber rocks.

Oh, but the poem is inspiring.

Janie and Andrew said...

The phrase, "Every fiber of my being" will never mean quite the same thing to me again. Would you mind if I copied your poem into my scriptures?

Hollywood said...

Treachery!!! I've just discovered that my anonymous mocker is none other than my own darling husband, SPIKE! Guess who is sleeping on the couch tonight?!

Colleen said...

This is the best line ever:

"my husband sent me those why-did-I-marry-a-crazy-lady looks and shook his head."

Melissa Miller said...

Fiber One Bars are so incredibly delightful. HOWEVER, they will do the same thing to you. It is not worth the pain. I thought I would endure the pain a couple of times, only to discover I had to walk around doubled over all day long.
Oh the pain and suffering!!

Emmy said...

I have never experience a fiber over dose, thank you for the warning. Glad to know it is your husband being obnoxious and not some weirdo in blog land.

amanda said...

haha. good to know it was spike. i knew it was him or one of his brothers, since "eject. abort." is a common phrase for those boys. YOU BOYS!

Few ox said...

everything in moderation applies to fiber as well. It's probably best to spread it out throughout the day.

Anonymous said...

Oh, have you tried the mission carb-balance tortillas? I think that's the title anyway. My husband found them. 80% of your daily fiber in ONE TORTILLA! Heaven! (But yeah, don't over do it on those either.)